Rainy Day
by sylverskyz
Summary: Okay, this was a oneshot, but I'm turning it into a collection of Turk related drabbles. Mainly just random stories of Reno and Rude. They go together and in sequence, but like I said, it's random adventures of the Turks. R&R Please?
1. Boredom

Hey! I decided to take a break from my ongoing fic to experiment with a ficabout the Turks Reno and Rude. I'm thinking about leaving this one as it is now, unless people think i should make it into a real story. This is just a silly little short, not intended to be "laugh out loud" funny.

Disclaimer: All characters and stuff arebelong to Square

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Rude sat back on the chair with a heavy sigh, watching the rain from behind his dark glasses. He didn't bother to take them off, even though he was indoors on a dark rainy day. It was just part of the hit-man look he needed to keep up. Something about sunglasses were secretive and dignified. Another part of the look was his bald head. He looked more bad-ass bald than with his natural hair. I mean, if you saw a man sent to kill you with purple-coloured hair, you'd probably die laughing before he got to you! Why he had purple hair, not even he knew. One of the great wonders of nature, just like how Cloud Strife's head didn't implode from the pressure and weight of the great spikes on his head. Anyways, back to the story.

His eyes were focused on the pavement out the large window of the inn, and the seemingly endless splatters of water that hit it. In the silence of the room he could hear the droplets hit the ceiling and window, like a gentle roar. The Turk ran a hand over his bald head, then massaged his temples calmly, trying to block out the stress rising in him.

It had been raining for two days straight, and he was getting anxious to get this assignment done, and Reno was getting bored. When Reno gets bored, oh, you better get him un-bored. Fast. Already Rude had extinguished several paper balls he had set on fire, and confiscated his electro rod after he exploded a pillow with it. Rude looked over at the feathery mess at the other end of the inn room, contemplating whether he should clean it up or not. He shook his head and emitted another sigh. As much as he dreaded it, he just wanted this mission to come to an end.

They were supposed to try and stop the rebel group Avalanche at Gongaga village. They were waiting in a small nearby town for the rain to stop. Reno suggested that they rest at the inn until the weather cleared up, but that turned into a major delay. Rude wondered if they should just keep going despite the weather to avoid missing the rebel group. He felt a slight sting of guilt when he thought about the fight he would probably encounter when they caught up with the group. It was a strange thing for Rude. He could snap bones like twigs, shoot someone, or break a man's neck without a second thought. But when the subject of Avalanche rose in his mind, he felt different. He felt like he was doing something wrong. Avalanche was doing this for a good cause, they were doing what they believed in.

Rude's deep thinking was disturbed when he heard Reno walk into the room. The door clicked shut behind him, and he turned to see the soaking wet redhead grinning at him innocently. Water dripped from his jaw and clothes, soaking into the carpet. Rude raised an eyebrow at his partner, not bothering to ask what he had done.

"Err, you know where my spare set of clothes is?" Reno asked, looking even more innocent. Rude sighed and pointed to the bag on one of the beds before turning his attention back to the outside. "Dare I ask what you were up to?" the bald man braved, immediately regretting his decision to ask Reno. The smaller man grinned again.

"Well-"

"Wait, I change my mind, I don't want to know." Rude cut him off, lifting his hand. He glanced back at Reno, who looked slightly disappointed to not share his story. Reno just fished in the bag for his clothes, then walked into the attached bathroom to change. Rude shook his head and resumed staring out the window. Within minutes his partner sat beside him in another chair, a pink towel draped over his head. Rude glanced at him, looked to the window, then did a double take as it clicked in his mind that there was a pink towel on Reno's head. He pulled his sunglasses down to the end of his nose and stared at his fellow Turk with raised eyebrows. His ice blue eyes, previously hidden behind the dark lenses, were filled with amusement and slight confusion. Reno just smirked and ruffled the towel over his hair to dry it faster.

"You're just jealous!" he accused, a mock pride on his face.

"Contemplating stealing it from you, I'm that jealous." Rude replied with sarcasm tinting his tone. Reno pulled the towel down to his shoulders and wrapped it around his neck like a scarf. Rude just shook his head again and replaced his glasses to the top of his nose.

"So, are we gonna leave when the rain stops, or just go on ahead?" Reno asks, a rare seriousness in his voice. Rude shrugged.

"Might as well just stay here, Avalanche probably stopped as well to wait for the weather to let up." he replied, trying to put off the inevitable encounter as long as he could. He crossed his arms over he chest and leaned back into the chair.

"But man, this is boring!" Reno whined, sinking down into the chair like Rude, but in more of a childish manner. Rude gave a nod of agreement, but in his mind felt that being with Reno was anything but boring. He was forever dousing out flames, holding random people back from beating the crap out of him, and holding the man's hair back then he threw up when suffering from his common hangovers. Oh yes, life as Reno's fellow Turk was not in the least bit boring. The worst part was explaining to Tseng why they were no longer welcome at a bar, inn or town.

A silence drifted in the room, only broken by the rain pounding on the roof and window. Rude started thinking about Avalanche again, but forced the thoughts from his head. The last thing he needed now was to go soft and start reconsidering his job. He was better at petty assassinations on people in the slums than things like this. Actually, he felt like his job was babysitting Reno. Speaking of Reno, he was currently making a paper airplane and had one of those weird glints in his eye that usually meant Rude was going to have his work cut out for him. Rude, not wanting to bother getting out of his chair, just closed his eyes.

"You light that on fire, I'll light you on fire." He said calmly, a tone in his voice than meant all seriousness. He heard Reno groan in protest, but closed his lighter lid with a 'tink' of metal hitting metal.

"But I'm so bored." Reno groaned again, pouting.

"And I'm contemplating throttling you, but you don't hear me voicing that." he growled back, getting a little impatient with his friend.

"Um, you just did."

"Shut up, Reno."

Reno just laughed and stood up, drumming on Rude's bald head with his fingers as he passed. Rude shook his head and look up at him through the dark lenses, eyebrow once again raised. Reno had a huge grin on his face.

"You'd miss me too much of you killed me. You looove me way to much." he mused before sticking out his tongue like a three-year-old. Rude smirked and wondered if Tseng would protest if he stapled Reno's tongue to something.

"Yeah, that must be it." Reno grinned in response and gave the bald man another tap on the skull.

"Wanna go down to the bar downstairs and get wasted?"

Rude smiled. The one thing that made any job easier and more difficult at the same time was going to the bar with Reno. "If I pay, you promise I wont wake up with my shirt ablaze?"

"Deal."

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Well, there you go. Please review, pleeeeaaase?

And just so everyone knows- The town that they are staying on has no name-I made it up so they would be close enough to Gongaga, but far enough away that they still had a ways to go. Whether they were sent to actaully stop Avalanche there, or just to accompany Scarlette, I forget, but just for the sake of this story, I made it that way. How could I do this, you might ask? Because I'M THE AUTHOR! So ha! ...So ya, tell me what you think


	2. Another day in the office

Wow, shameshameshame on me! I haven't posted ANYTHING in quite a while! Well, after a fight over a pair of sunglasses with my cousin, I got an idea for a continuation ofmy random Turk story! Yes, I know I should be working on my last chapter of the ongoing fic, people are actually telling me to update ;; Sorry, I'm about, uh... one sixth of my way through it? Heh, people are gonna hate me now. Anywhoo, more randomness from Reno and Rude, my favourite Turks!

Disclaimer: If I owned Reno and Rude, would this fiction be rated the way it is? Didn't think so.

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Reno sat down at his desk and slumped down onto the wooden surface, holding his throbbing head. It felt like someone was smashing his skull with a sledgehammer. His bloodshot eyes were closed tightly in a wince of pain, and his messy red hair fell over his hands as they ran over his aching head. God, he would never drink like that again- or until the next time he goes to the bar.

It was a few days after he and Rude returned from the mission in Gongaga Village, and since it was raining once again, they had decided to catch up on paperwork. Okay, Rude would be doing paperwork, Reno would spend the day complaining about his hangover. Reno looked at the clock hung above the door, and it read 10:37. The redhead groaned and folded his arms on the table, and hid his face in them. He could swear that damn minute hand was going backwards.

Rude sat across the room from the suffering man, pen scribbling away at the assortment of papers scattered across his desk. Rude knew the importance of paperwork, even if he hated it as much as the next person. He, unlike Reno, didn't crumple the papers up and play 21 with the trash bin, or set them on fire, or fold them into airplanes and throw them across the room. It was obvious Rude was the more mature one of the two. He only drank a fraction of what his best friend did, and we woke up with a minor headache that was dulled down easily by a couple painkillers. Reno, on the other hand, looked like he needed morphine pills in a pez dispenser.

Rude was continuing on with paperwork, and Reno was… well, half asleep, when Tseng walked into the room, a couple folders with, you guessed it, more paperwork in them. The Turk leader looked at Reno and shook his head. "Drinking again, Reno?" He asked in a slightly stern, pre-lecture voice. The man groaned.

"Don't yell- headache." he mumbled, managing to look up at his boss.

The wutaian man shook his head again. "Well, are you alright?" He may be a bit stern, but Tseng did have concern for his Turks' health.

Reno looked up at him with bloodshot green eyes. The light stung them, and he had to close them again. "I've consumed enough alcohol to make me forget what my last name is, and I woke up in my bathtub." he responded almost painfully, rubbing his sore back. Have you ever woken up in a bathtub? It hurts like a bitch, especially if the big silver tap thing was jabbing your shoulder blade while you slept.

Rude laughed a little and looked up from his work. He looked at his friend through the dark lenses of his sunglasses. Why doesn't he take those damn glasses off once in a while? Who cares, he looks cool with them. "Please tell me you were clothed?"

"Partially." Reno responded, causing Rude to laugh again and Tseng to smack his forehead with his palm. He couldn't believe some of the stories he heard from Reno, he would surely get himself killed one day.

"I can't believe you got so drunk you woke up in the bathtub, Reno, and when you have work the next day, too." Tseng mumbled. Reno sensed a lecture about drinking coming on.

Rude shrugged. "It's not the first time it happened to him." He then turned to his friend. "Remember that time you woke up in the dryer? That had to be worse."

Reno nodded. "That wasn't even in my apartment building." He sat up a little and brought a hand to his face. "I always say: It's not a good time unless you wake up saying 'Who are you, and why are my pants on the ceiling fan?'" He said in a matter-of-factly voice.

"Said the virgin." Rude snickered. Reno half glared at him through his throbbing headache.

"Stuff it!"

Tseng looked from Reno, to Rude, and back to Reno again He sighed and placed the folders on Rude's desk. He knew with Rude, the papers would get done, instead of crumpled, burned, or shredded like if Reno were to have them. "You two need help…" he told them before walking out of the room. Reno was still glaring at Rude, but then looked confused. "How did you know I was a virgin?"

Rude smiled and shrugged. "I guessed., seeing as you're not a real hit with the ladies-" He was cut off by a little box of paperclips being hurled at his head. The bald man yelped and ducked, almost falling out of his chair.

"Take that back!" Reno yelled, immediately wincing in pain at the volume of his shout. He then slumped back down, rubbing his temples in a futile attempt ease away the headache.

Rude sat up and chucked the box back at his partner. "Bite me." he growled, seemingly not too impressed with being bombed with office supplies. Reno looked at him, not even moving as the box whizzed by his head. Rude shook his head and pulled his rolling chair back up to his desk and picked up his pen again. "How about you do some work for once, Reno?" he suggested to the sore man. It wouldn't kill him to at least try to accomplish one piece of paperwork. The last time Reno had put pen to paper in a productive manner was so long ago not even he remembered. Well, of coarse he couldn't remember now, he couldn't remember the contents of his last meal, even if he did re-taste it merely an hour ago.

Reno looked like he was about to say something, but he just sat up. He rolled his chair out from behind the desk, facing backwards and pushing with his feet. He made his way across the room and over to Rude's desk. He twirled around the chair so he was facing the bald man. Rude looked up at him from behind his sunglasses, and Reno gave him one of those 'I'm-gonna-make-today-hell-for-you' grins. His headache magically seemed to be fading. The redhead reached over and snatched Rude's sunglasses.

"How about… I don't?" the smaller man laughed before pushing on the desk and speeding away on his rolling chair. Oh, he was in for it now.

Rude stood up, giving Reno a glare. Those were his $300 custom-friggin'-made sunglasses! And if you know Rude, you know you DON'T mess with the shades. Most people fuss about their hair, Rude is the same- except with his bad-ass custom eyewear. "Give those back." he warned, walking around his desk and over to Reno.

Reno just grinned again and kicked away on his chair, colliding with the wall. "Now, why would I want to do that?" he said innocently. Rude's narrowed blue eyes gave him a look that just promised a slow, painful demise. He walked closer, almost cornering the smaller man.

"Because if you don't I'll shove that chair up your-"

"Wow, they called you Rude for a reason, eh?" Reno said with a laugh, tossing the expensive shades in the air and catching them. Rude lunged and grabbed him, pulling him into a headlock. They stumbled into the middle of the room, and started an epic battle for the sunglasses. Whatever happened to Reno's migraine? Hell if I know.

Now, Rude, being much stronger and with no hair for Reno to pull on, won the fight easily. He snatched his sunglasses back, which were now a little more than slightly damaged. One of the lenses was broken, and the frame was snapped in six places. "You're paying for this!" He said, sitting on the floor and examining the fight's one casualty.

Reno sat up, since he had been thrown to the carpeted ground like he weighed nothing. He probably does weigh nothing, have you seen how skinny that guy is? Whew, give him a sandwich or something! Sorry, back to the story-

"There's no way in hell I'm paying for those!" He hissed, rubbing his bruising arm. His hair was now a complete mess, much worse than before. His blue blazer was half off-How did that happen? I'll leave that one to the fangirls- and his left shoe was across the room. He suddenly looked very shocked and pointed to behind Rude. "Why's there a stripper on your desk?"

Rude raised an eyebrow, and being a typical guy, turned to look at his desk. When he saw no such thing there, he was confused. "Reno, are you ins- " He was just off by a wave of electricity going through his body, courtesy of Reno. He fell down in a half-smouldering heap on the floor. Reno stood up with his electro-rod in one hand, laughing hysterically.

"God… I hate you." Rude coughed, looking up at the giddy redhead.

"And I love you too." Reno responded once he stopped laughing, twirling his weapon like a baton. He still had that grin on his face. "Bitch." Hewas about to go back to his desk to resume doing absolutely nothing, but as he glanced out the doorhe sawElena standing in the doorway, blinking at them in a shocked trance. Who knows how long she was there, possibly five, ten minutes? In her hands she held stacks of paperwork designated to the two, but maybe it was safer if she do it by herself.

She looked from Rude, who was twitching slightly from the electric shock, to Reno, who was looking quite proud of himself. She then shook her head. "Why can't we have just one quiet, productive day like normal companies?" she asked out loud before slowly walking away.

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There you go, people! I know, I need to get working on other things, and I need to get a life, but meh. I am more of an impulsive writer. Sorry if Rude seems a little OOC, I just think hewould talkmore when he's around co-workers and friends.

Oh, and now, I'm going to do whatI see peopleoften doin other fics- reply to the reviews I have recieved!

The Tiramisu Of Impending Doom: Thank you, I'm glad someone found it at leastslightly amusing!

Cueball: Well, here is another chapter for you! Glad you liked the first one.

Trigun0gt1844vv0: Rude says he'll do it for 600 gil and a six pack of beer.

k i y a r a: Thank you very much! I think I know what you mean, and I'll try to keep it in mind next time I write something ((I saw your review just after I wrote this, so you may not see much change here)) Thank you for the lengthy and helpful review, and I'm really glad you liked that one quote, I was afraid people would hate it!


	3. The horror

I just keep getting ideas! I'm no-longer considering this a "one-shot" fic because I keep adding more stories! I guess this will just be a collection of Turk related drabbles :D Yay! Thanks to all reviewers!

This chapter is one of two parts. Don't ask why,I don't even know

Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square

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"Oh, _hell_ no!" Reno said loudly, looking ahead with wide eyes. He looked both horrified and disgusted, and that should mean something, him being a Turk after all. He had seen corpses before, hell, he'd even seen a guy in more pieces than he could count, but this was just horrifying. "This is a sick joke." he tried, almost stammering.

Rude shook his head, removing his sunglasses from his nose. Yes, Reno eventually coughed up the money after a bit of reasoning. And of coarse by reasoning I mean further fighting in the middle of their office for all of the executives to see. Not a proud moment, but he got revenge on Reno (Apparently he doesn't like his Electro-Mag Rod turned against him.) and got the money for a new pair of sunglasses. Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked.

Rude gave a sigh and looked at the object of their horror, wondering what they should do about it. He was too exhausted for this, he just wanted sleep. He heard Reno groan beside him and smack his forehead off the doorframe in frustration.

"Oh, for fu-"

"It's not that bad, Reno, we'll figure something out." Rude cut him off before sighing again. He crossed his arms and examined their newest obstacle with a raised eyebrow.

There, in front of them, in the inn room, was a single bed. Not even a couch to accompany it, just one freaking bed. This was the last room in the inn, and the only inn in the town. If you don't know what the problem is yet, you obviously don't know men. Sure, female friends would shrug it off and share the bed, possibly with a pillow between them if it was that bad, but men, oh no. Never would you see two guy friends sharing a bed. They'd rather kill the other man first. Maybe that example is a little extreme, but you get the point. Now, neither Reno or Rude were homophobic in any way, but men are just like that.

Reno stopped his assault on his own forehead and glanced at Rude. "I'll fight you for it." he offered, sounding completely serious.

Rude shook his head, running a hand over his face. "I'll go down to the desk and see if we can get another room or bed or something." He was out of energy, he just wanted to sleep. He was not in the mood for this game. He turned a silently walked out of the room, walking down the hall sluggishly. Reno watched him and turned back to the bed. He walked over and collapsed onto it, sinking into the mattress with a sigh. It felt good to lay down, they had been walking all day. It was basically a wild goose chase looking for the guy they were supposed to 'take care of'. They still had yet to find him, that's why they had to stay the night at the inn. The redhead pushed himself to sit up on the bed and kicked off his shoes. He then looked around the room. There was a chair and desk against one wall beside a window, and the door to the bathroom on the adjacent wall. It was small, intended for one person, or a really cheap couple. He prayed that they could get another room. Reno felt an eyelid twitch at the thought of sharing the bed. That was just wrong, on so many levels.

"Hell no." he muttered, laying back down and pulling the covers over himself. If nothing could be done, he was getting the bed. To himself. No matter what!

Reno was already tangled in the sheets and blankets by the time Rude came back, looking defeated. "Sorry, man, we're stuck with this…" the bald man trailed off when he saw Reno in the blankets, curled up and half asleep. He glared at the smaller man, feeling inclined to throw the sunglasses in his hand at him. But of coarse, that would be a waste of perfectly good new sunglasses! Still tempting, though. Rude shook his head and ran a hand over his bald head. "Is it too late to fight for it?" he asked, letting his hand fall to the short fuzz of facial hair on his chin.

Reno looked at him with that mischievous, cocky smirk of his. Rude was starting to develop a reflex twitch whenever he did that. "Yep, sorry!" he said before flicking off the lamp. He rolled over in the bed, intending to fall asleep fully clothed. He didn't need to worry about his uniform, he slept in it more often than you think.

Rude groaned and walked over to the bed. He irritably yanked a pillow and blanket out from it, getting a "Screw off!" from Reno when he did.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Rude mumbled angrily before making his way over to the little chair by the desk. He somehow, despite his tall muscular form, curled up in it and position the pillow so he was more comfortable, and draped the blanket over himself.

Reno watched with a grin. "This bed sure is comfy, I could swear they have down comforters, it feels like sleeping on a cloud!" He taunted, ignoring the glare from Rude that would have killed a lesser man. "How's that chair?"

Rude tossed his sunglasses onto the desk. "It feels like crap, but I'll be happier when I smother you in your sleep." he growled, leaning his head on the pillow. He didn't even remove his tie, he was that tired. (Sorry fan girls!)

Reno laughed and rolled over so his back was facing Rude. "I can feel the love."

After what seemed like hours of trying to fall asleep in the cheap little chair, Rude was about to snap. And I don't mean like yelling in anger, oh no, I'm talking about full out homicide of anything within twenty miles. One of those 'snaps' that would make the great Sephiroth say "Whoa, even I have my limits!". The only thing keeping him from snapping his partner's neck was his job. He had been stirring and turning over in the chair for hours, and it was starting to hurt his back. After waiting out his own last shred of patience, Rude stood up and grabbed the pillow. The blanket fell to the floor, and he almost tripped over it as he walked to the bed.

Reno, however, as fast asleep, emitting soft snores. His face was half-buried in the pillow, and his red hair was scattered about his head sloppily. He looked so peaceful, and once in a while he mumbled something inaudible. To any female or like-minded male, it would be a cute sight, because, y'know, what's more adorable than Reno sleeping? Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately in another situation) Rude was neither of those things, so he found it anything but 'cute'. With a light shove he pushed the redhead off the bed, and he landed on the ground in the other side with a dull _thud_. Rude growled under his breath and crawled into the now vacant bed, pulling what covers Reno didn't take down with him over himself.

Reno was a deep sleeper, a herd of chocobos could go through the room and over his face, and he probably wouldn't even stir. When he would fall asleep in the office, Rude and Elena would have hours of fun doodling on his face. Tseng would spot them doing this and walk into the office, ruining their fun for a split second. The Turk leader would try to start giving them hell about disrespecting their co-worker, but always ended up picking up a third pen and joining in.

Rude lay his head in the pillow and sighed. If Reno woke up first, we was really going to be in for it. He pushed the thoughts away and drifted into the sleep that was so long overdue.

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There you go, Part 1 of 2! Sorry if it's crappy, I wrote this quite late at night.

Reviews! Thank you all for your feedback!

k i y a r a: Thank you again! I'm so glad you like the humor. And Reno respects Rude, just on a childish "I'm gonna make life hell for you because I can" level.

Nanda the RPS King:nodnod: Yes, I have a lot of ideas for this. I guess its a collection of one-shots O.o Thanks for the review!

TheDonutMistress: Good to hear that it made your evening! I agree, a bored Reno is nothing less than scary to think about. I really feel bad for Rude.


	4. The horror part 2

Yes, I wrote the second part to 'The Horror'. Summer vacation has given me so much free time! I admit that it's not that good, I kind of rushed it. Sorry! I hope you like it though, andI really appreciate everyone's reviews. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned Reno and Rude, would this be a FANfiction?

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An intense ray of sunshine shone through the window and onto Reno's face. He mumbled something groggily and brought a hand to his face to block the light. The light hurt his eyes when he first tried to open them, so he gave up on that and kept his hand over his them. He snuggled up against one of the pillows beside his head and sighed. Why did his back and head hurt? And why was the mattress less comfortable than he remembered? He groaned and buried his face in the pillow in an attempt to fall back asleep. When he was rewarded to no slumber, he waited a lazy moment before he pushed himself up and sat. Wait, why was the bed beside him? And why was he tangled in sheets and… on the floor?

"What in the goddamn…" Reno blinked a couple times before he looked at the bed, and saw Rude sleeping in it soundly. After another moment of confusion, it dawned on him. He growled a curse under his breath and stood up. However, thanks to the mass amounts of sheets he was entangled in, he tripped and fell to the floor. He would have been fine if his hands weren't too restricted in the mass of fabric to break his fall. He hit the ground face-first, letting out more loud curses. He heard Rude roll over in the bed and mutter something. "Oh, that's it." he snapped before making the effort to escape the clutches of the evil sheets. He finally managed to untangle himself and stand up. He looked at Rude, teeth clenched.

He was never going to wake up from that sleep, and he could promise that. All of Reno's hurt pride and childish bratty attitude melted together in a mass of homicidal rage that scares even this author. Seriously, imagine it! When Reno is mad at you and lacking sleep, it's almost as bad as if he's bored. You just run for you're life, pushing down the women and children that are in your path.

The angry redhead pounced onto the bed, pinning Rude down. (I know what you're thinking, shame on you!) Rude's eyes snapped open and his lightning-quick reflexes are probably what saved his face. He caught the fist that was flying towards his face at an extremely fast speed. He luckily caught it with his unpinned hand, barely and inch from his nose. With wide eyes he looked from the fist, still struggling to reach his face, to Reno's face. The redhead looked like he was going to kill his friend in ways best not described in a fiction of this rating.

Despite Reno's rage while at the same time having the upper hand in the current situation, Rude felt a flicker of amusement in this. His confused face disappeared and his mouth pulled into a smirk that was almost as dangerous as his friends'. "I'm sorry, man, I just don't feel about you that way." He said slyly before he started laughing. This caused Reno to get even angrier.

"Don't flatter yourself." he hissed, trying harder to get his fist to connect with his partner's face. His face was bright red from the rage and embarrassment of Rude's comment. Rude, despite his laughter, kept the assault from happening. When he collected himself, the bald man used his strength to shove the smaller redhead off him. The force was so great Reno flew off the bed completely and landed on the pile of sheets and pillows he had earlier struggled with.

Rude sat up and was soon laughing again. "Please, Reno. I kick your ass every time you pick a fight with me, why bother?" Reno glared at him as he pushed himself to his feet. He rubbed his hurt shoulder from the impact on the floor.

"Because one day it'll all be worth it to see you in pain." he growled, only rewarded with more laughter form Rude.

"You're a mental case." Rude said, swinging his legs to the floor and rubbing his face sleepily.

"You're a freak." Reno retorted rather childishly. Rude raised an eyebrow at Reno, knowing exactly where this was going.

"Drunk."

"Baldy."

"Scrawny."

"Muscle-head."

"Vain little prettyboy!"  
"And don't you forget that!" Reno yelled in response to his friend's last insult. He really was vain. You should see how long he takes to do his hair. Hey, that messy look takes a lot of care and time to keep looking so great. And of _coarse _Reno was a prettyboy. Look at him! Damn, there are a lot better adjectives than 'pretty'! …What? I'm allowed to do this, I'm the author!

Rude smiled and shook his head, standing up. "You have problems." Reno snorted and crossed his arms, wishing he knew where his Electro-Mag rod was so he could put a few hundred volts through his body.

"Dick." the redhead spat. Rude looked at him with raised eyebrows, amusement all over his face.

"At least I have one." he replied calmly, walking over to the desk to pick up his sunglasses. (This author isn't going to even go near that comment) He was rewarded with a loud, frustrated "DAMNIT!" from Reno. Reno knew how to talk back, but when he was mad his mind froze, and he just fired off words that came to him without thinking. Rude, on the other hand knew how to keep his cool, and when he had to stand his ground in an insult match, his responses were quick, yet sounded intelligent and legitimate. It was the same with physical fighting too, Rude would wait for an opportunity to get his punches in, calmly keeping his head on his shoulders. Reno, well, he was more like a rabid dog, he didn't think, he just acted. He would just jump in and fight. If it weren't for his skills as a fighter, he would have been killed long ago.

Reno glared at his friend, knowing that he was loosing this little struggle. The comment against him certainly wasn't true, but his pride was on the line. "How the hell would you be so sure about that anyways?" Rude turned and looked at him, giving a sigh. Although the bickering between them as always just how they showed friendly affection, it was still frustrating how Reno always wanted the last word.

"You're ego makes it look like you're compensating for something, along with that _weapon_ of yours." he replied. He cracked a smile at the look on Reno's face, which without a doubt was priceless.

"You leave Mag out of this!" Reno warned very angrily. Yes, he did name his Electro-Mag Rod, and was uncreative about it too. 'Mag' was what he called it, which was a hell of a lot better than the name Rude talked him out of calling it. For some reason, 'Beatrice the Electro-Mag Rod' didn't sound right to him.

"Just making a point." Rude sighed again. It was going to be a long, painful day. "Let's just go find this guy and finish him off, you're starting to drive me crazy." He put his bad-ass sunglasses over his eyes and tightened his tie, which had come loose while he slept.

Reno looked at his friend while putting his shoes on and gave one of his Cheshire Cat grins. "That's what makes my job satisfying."

They walked out of the room together, leaving the sheets and pillows scattered about the room. As Rude looked back at the mess, he wondered if the whole 'bed' issue was avoidable. He shook his head and closed the door. Sharing a bed with Reno? No way in hell, he'd rather eat hot glass shards.

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I know, I'm awful. I could have had a much differant outcome for this, but then it would have a much higher rating XD I hope you liked it, I know it's not that good. They may be a bit OOC, but I imagined that Rude would be more open and talkative around a friend like Reno. Also,I pictured thier friendship to be one of those friendly abuse ones where they show affection through giving the other man hell. I have a few friendships like that. And yes, Reno finnally gets put in his place, but that doesn't mean he cant get some revenge later!

Reviews! I love you people, you're so nice :D

Random Reno Fangirl 05::gasp: Dude, I love your work! (and your name, lol) Thank you so much for the review! Yes, Reno sleeping is so cute, I couldn't leave out the 'drawing on Reno's face' bit, poor guy can't get an afternoon nap. Thanks again for the review!

TruebornChaos: Thank you! I think you'll like this chapter, then, Rude gets to dish out a bit of abuse.

Nando the RPS King: Rude gets a little more payback this time! Thanks for the review.

Cerulean Abyss: Wow, thank you very much:D I'm glad you like it so much. As for where I get the ideas::pokes own temple: it's all in here!


	5. Flu!

Yes, another chapter! To be honest, I am having SO much fun with this fic! Thank you to everyone who reviewed!

Disclaimer: Don't own aything but this fiction, sadly.

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"I'm dying!" the helpless whimper on the couch rang in Rude's ears, making him sigh. He tried his best to ignore it, but the complaints kept coming.

"I'm freezing, how the hell can you say I'm burning up! I'm dying of hunger. Can I have an Advil?" Rude merely felt a twitch develop. He picked up a bottle of painkillers and walked back over to the couch. He carefully aimed before he dropped the bottle, and it landed on it's target, Reno's forehead. The bottle bounced off his skull and landed on the man's chest. The complains came to a stop and green eyes glared up at him. The sick Turk was laying on the couch, upper body propped up a little with pillows. A grey blanket lay over him, reaching just to his chest. He snorted at his friend "You're a dick."

"We've already been through that, remember?" Rude responded with a smirk before sitting on the back of the couch.

"How can you treat a suffering man like this?" he growled, struggling to open the bottle. "You're cruel." Rude sighed again, taking a sip of coffee and closing his eyes. He found great amusement in the fact that Reno's stuffed-up nose made him sound so ridiculous while he was mad.

"Reno, you have the flu. Unfortunately, it isn't fatal." He watched the sick redhead struggle with opening the bottle of pills and took it from him. "Here, it's childproof." He ignored the death-glare he got from his friend and handed him two pills after easily opening to bottle. It had only been two hours of caring for Reno, and he already felt like he needed a nap. If you thought you knew someone who was high-maintenance, try caring for a sick Reno. Not only was he sick, he was bored. If you would care to reflect on earlier chapters, you would know how dangerous that really was.

Rude was snapped from his train of thought when he saw Reno reach under the couch and snatch a bottle of cheap vodka. He unscrewed the cap and seemed like he was going to use it to take the pills.

"Reno! You idiot!" Rude exclaimed, diving over the couch to grab it from him. He landed on the sick man and reached for the clear bottle.

"Geeze man, you can have some, relax!" Reno struggled against Rude, who ended up taking to bottle from him and falling to the floor between the couch and coffee table. "You okay, Rude?" He looked down, amusement in his eyes. Rude sat up and held the bottle out.

"What the HELL are you on?" He almost screamed. The thought that even Reno would know not to take alcohol with painkillers, or any other medication. Reno merely blinked, reaching for the vodka.

"Well, Advil, if you weren't being such an idiot!"

"Whatever, I'll get you some water." Rude sighed, standing up and rubbing his back. He made his way into Reno's kitchen and searched for a clean glass. Looking for anything clean in Reno's apartment was a challenge. He poured the vodka down the sink, and Reno, hearing the noise, sat up.

"Hey! That's my booze! You ass-" he stopped yelling and lay back down. "Ugh, it hurts!" he whined, holding his head in his hand. The head rush he got made his head pound even harder. "Hey, I'm seeing some pretty cool colours!" he suddenly piped up. Rude shook his head and returned with a somewhat clean cup of water. He handed it to Reno, who looked disappointed. "What's wrong with vodka?"

"Because despite my pleas, Tseng prefers for you to be alive. Now take your Advil so you can stop bitching about your headache." he huffed, sitting down on the armchair by the couch. He winced when he sat in something squishy.

Reno's apartment was filthy, even after Rude cleared out most of the garbage. It was really no wonder Reno was sick, Rude started to doubt his personal hygiene. "And you wonder why you can't get a girlfriend…" he said, crossing his arms and leaning back.

"What do you mean by that?" Reno asked rather defensively after taking the pills.

"I mean the filth in which you live." Rude replied with a snort. "I've been here so often I could swear the only thing keeping me from dying is the immunity my body has built up." Reno looked at Rude with a raised eyebrow.

"You don't love my interior design?" he asked sweetly, waving a hand around like it was his pride and joy.

"Like I love a spray of Mako in the eyes." Rude laughed. "But, I guess it suits you."

"Makes me feel so God damn warm and fuzzy inside." Reno huffed, tossing a pillow at his fellow Turk. "Don't make me go get Mag." He warned, quietly swearing when the pillow was thrown back and collided with his face.

"Too bad, I hid it."

"You're a jerk."

"No, I'm stuck here making sure you don't do something stupid like consume alcohol, overdose on your prescription just to hallucinate, or end up getting arrested." Rude growled, looking at his watch. "Speaking of prescription…" he heard Reno groan. "Oh, grow up, it's not gonna kill you." he went back to the kitchen, not even daring to look at whatever squishy thing he had sat in. He fetched the bottle with the dark purple liquid inside and the little plastic cup that comes with it. He poured the syrup into the tiny cup and measured the right dosage. With a sigh he brought the medicine back to the couch, to see Reno face down in the pillow.

"Reno, don't make me fight with you." he warned, pulling him up by the back of the shirt. Perhaps one of the reasons why Tseng had asked Rude to look after Reno was because he was used to fighting with him, and they never took it personally. Elena and Reno fought constantly, and they would end up killing each other within an hour. Tseng just didn't have the patience, and that left Rude, who surprisingly tolerated him-for the most part. He was probably also chosen because they were good friends, and Rude was much stronger and knew how to handle Reno.

The stubborn redhead held the pillow to his face, and it took a hard shake from Rude to make him drop it. "It's gross."

"And you're being childish. Now just take the medicine." Rude growled, shoving the tiny plastic cup into his hands. Reno merely grinned. Three guesses as to what that meant for Rude. The bald man's eyelid twitched. "Reno…"

Before he could finish his friends name, he was gone. The cup was lefton the coffee table, and Rude was left with Reno's blue blazer in his hand. "Damnit!" He was soon in pursuit of the fleeing man.

Reno ducked into the bathroom and tried to lock the door, but was too slow. Rude burst in and grabbed him by the shirt collar. "I'll force the medicine down your throat if I have to." he said before dragging Reno back to the living room. The smaller man struggled, and before Rude knew what was going on, we was holding nothing but a white shirt. (Fangirls rejoice!) Now, since he was pulling hard, and suddenly had nothing to pull on, flew forward and collided with the back of the sofa. He shouted a long string of colourful words in creative patterns and clutched the side of his throbbing head. He looked at the shirt dumbly for a moment before it sank in. He heard Reno laughing from down the short hallway and stood up. He was soon once again running after the shirtless Turk.

"Give it up, Rude!" Reno taunted, his grin greeting his friend when he was found in the bedroom, hiding in the closet with his head poking out.

"Reno!" Rude yelled, storming over angrily. "Get out of the closet!" Reno's grin widened.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he laughed until Rude grabbed him by the ponytail and dragged him out. "Owowowowow! Not the hair!" he whimpered, trying to pry the strong grip from his beloved red ponytail.

"I'm starting to not care whether you get better or not, but if you don't, Tseng will kick my ass. So take the damn med- Reno?" he cut off mid-sentence as he noticed Reno was moving closer to him with a grin. "Reno, what are you doing?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Let go of my hair." Reno said rather sweetly, still grinning.

"Not until you take the medicine!" Rude replied, backing away from him.

"I suggest you do…" Reno smirked and pounced. "Unless you want to get sick." Rude stumbled back and flattened his back against the wall. He kept a grip on the hair, however. His sunglasses fell to the floor, and he was watching Reno suspiciously. The shirtless red haired Turk kept an evil smirk that could put any evil bishie to shame. For a rare moment, Rude was scared. "Let go." Reno ordered.

"No, I can't get sick from holding your hair." Rude said, trying to walk again. Suddenly, Reno licked the side of his face, causing him to let go and start a full freak out. "UGH! THAT'S SICK!" he yelled wiping his face wildly with his sleeve. Hesaw Reno flee out of the room, but that was the least of his worries. He let out a loud curse.

"Rude! Language! And keep it down, I'm watching TV!" He heard Reno yell from the couch before laughing. Rude sat down on the ground with his back against the wall, looking both disgusted and horrified.

"I feel so fucking violated!" he yelled, causing Reno to laugh again. He would have gone on, but his cell phone started ringing. He sighed and reached into his pocket. He pressed the right button and held the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, Rude. I'm just calling to see if everything's alright." Tseng responded in his usual professional tone. Rude rubbed the sore spot on his head from when he bumped it on the couch.

"Yeah, things are normal. Hey, can I ask you something?"

Tseng hesitated for a moment. "Yes, of course."

"Would you miss Reno if I killed him right now?"

In the other room, on the couch, Reno smiled and reached between the cushions. After a bit of fishing around he pulled out another clear bottle of vodka, half full. After taking a hefty swig, he licked the tip of his finger and flicked it on an imaginary tally in the air. "Score for Reno."

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This chapter is for the Reno fans. I think Rude has got more than his fair share of fun, now Reno gets to shine again! Can't you just see this happening? Or maybe that's just me. And I'm sorry if what Reno did to make Rude let go of his hair scarred anyone...

Rude: I hate you...

:sweatdrop: anywhoo, hope you liked this chapter! I'm starting to loose my touch, I know. It wasn't that good, but I enjoyed writing it.

Now for the Reviews! You guys are the best!

Nando the RPS King: Thanks again! I thought I wrote them well, I'm glad someone agrees

k i y a r a: Wow, sorry if I almost made you die from the soda! I've done that before, it's painful. And well, we all get a tinyslice of Rude/Reno goodness, at Rude's disposal of course! And thanks for correcting my mistakes! My proofreading skills aren't that good. But you're constant advice is helpful! You're awesome, thanks for so many great reviews!

Random Reno Fangirl 05: Wow, that was probably the funniest review I've ever gotten. It made my day, thank you very much:steals Sandy's coffee: I was up until 3 am writing this, I need caffiene! x.x I must give you love for the "Pokey Sock Incident", I can't look at a sock without laughing! Thanks for the review! and update your fic soon!

TruebornChaos: Although I failed to mention his fate in this chapter, I'm here to tell youthat Reno got his ventilation. The man's funeral will be arranged when they find the majority of his remains.

Sephiroth1Ripley8: Thank you very much. I shall keep your comment in mind in the future! Hope that one line didn't ruin the story for you.


	6. I'm a Drunk

I'm sorry people! I went on a week-long vacation with a friend and couldn't update! I worked my ass off over the coarse of two days to finish this, I hope it's not too bad. It may seem shorter and less funny, because I kinda rushed it. This time I put Tseng and Elena in because I lurve them so much. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square

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The bar. Otherwise known as a pub, tavern, or watering hole. You could also call it the Turk's second office, because they spent more time there than any local drunk. It was just a given- Turks drank a lot. Tseng even considered putting a warning out to all new applicants. A high alcohol tolerance is needed to be one of them. Reno for example, had developed an alcohol tolerance that would put anyone to shame. He could drink enough to floor his boss and still be on a medium buzz. That could also be from drinking such amounts over and over and building up an immunity.

The bar is where we find- you guessed it, the Turks. All four of the dark blue-clad group sat in a line at the counter. They had been through a boring day, so Reno had convinced all of them, even Tseng, to come get a few drinks after work.

Yeah, A few drinks- Reno will probably be the one starting brawls soon if he was going to drink any more. When Reno drank, he was like a schizophrenic, one side was like a five year old child, and the other side was the meanest son of a bitch you can meet. If one thought Reno was unpredictable when he was sober, they would be in for quite a shock-sometimes literally-if they were to see him wasted.

Elena sat next to Reno, listening to him slur on about something that lost topic or purpose a long time ago. She was a drinker, but a reasonable one. Sure, she was always ready to get wasted, but she didn't do so early in the evening. It may only be because she was the newbie, but she was the only one who hadn't gone in to the hospital for some level of alcohol poisoning.

"Reno, give me that!" Tseng growled as he reached past Elena and snatched the shot glass the redhead was twirling on the counter. Either Reno would have broken the little glass, or thrown it, or something just as stupid. Tseng held the role of the responsible one when they all drank. He was a strong drinker, but usually only consumed a fraction of what the others did. He took it upon himself to make sure they made it home in one piece. Yeah, he's so sweet. However, he also acted so responsible because he was the boss. He kind of had to.

"Give that back!" Reno half-whined. He reached for it, almost falling over as he did. Elena caught him- only because he was going to fall on her. She pushed him up so he was sitting safely again.

"Reno, ever considered that you were an alcoholic?" she asked, slightly peeved about having Reno drunkenly drape himself over her, by accident, _of coarse_.

Reno shook his head, got a little dizzy and had to put his arms on the counter to keep his balance. "Nope. I'm a drunk."

The other Turks looked at him confused, even Rude, who was sitting on the other side of the redhead. "What's the difference?" Elena inquired with on eyebrow raised.

"Drunks don't go to meetings."

A collective sigh came from the other three, added with Elena rolling her eyes.

"Reno, can I ask you something?" Rude said after ordering another drink for himself.

"Shoot." Reno's voice was pretty slurred, and no matter how many times Rude heard like that, it was still amusing to him.

"Were your parent's siblings?" Elena and Tseng both started laughing, and Reno merely glared. Rude lowered his sunglasses and gave an innocent look.

"Are you still bitter about what I did last week?" Reno asked with a huff, still glaring at his friend.

"You mean making my life hell for two days and giving me your sickness?" Rude said while replacing his sunglasses back on the top of his nose and taking a big sip of his drink. He had indeed caught Reno's flu, and thankfully it was only a twenty-four hour flu. Those of you who read the last chapter can guess how he got it. "I guess I'm still little pissed off."

"You wouldn't let go of my ponytail!" Reno hissed, causing Tseng to groan and shake his head. The Turk leader made a mental note to never assign Rude to care for a sick Reno again.

"You were being difficult!"

"Children! Please!" Elena interrupted their argument loudly. "You two can't go a minute without fighting. How do you stand each other? More baffling, how do you stand Reno?" She asked, looking at Rude. The bald man smiled and shrugged.

"After a while he grows on you. Like a dog or something." He ignored Reno, who was muttering threats. "He still bites though." Rude showed Elena a bandage on his hand. The blonde blinked several times and looked at Reno, who looked back at her.

"He was trying to force drugs into my body!"

"I told him to make sure you took your prescription! Wait… you bit him?" Tseng trailed off, looking slightly afraid.

"Bit me, kicked me, zapped me. And if that wasn't enough, he tried to lock me outside." Rude growled, glaring at the psychopath beside him. The said man looked very proud of himself.

"And when you didn't let go of my hair-"

"Please, I'm trying hard to forget that." Rude cut him off. "Let's not bring it up again, I've almost gotten over the trauma." Elena looked confused and Tseng looked at his drink and wondered if he would be able to drown himself in it.

"For your information…" Reno poked Rude's chest with one finger harshly, barely able to pronounce the last word him his drunken sentence. "I happen to…"

Thunk

Reno hit the ground as he trailed off, landing in a position that looked like it would cause blinding pain if he was conscious and sober. Rude blinked and nudged him with his foot. "I think he's down for the night."

Elena folded her arms on the counter and buried her head in them, laughing hysterically. Tseng looked over at the passed-out man, wincing a little at seeing the way he fell.

"He's going to be in pain tomorrow." the wutaiian man stated, managing to hide the emerging smirk.

Rude reached down and grabbed his wallet. He looked through it and pulled out some gil. He felt a warning glare from Tseng and looked over. "What? I'm not paying for his drinks. He owes me money anyway."

"Hey, he owes me money, too." Elena said when she had collected herself. She sat up and reached over, taking a few gil from the wallet. Rude looked at Tseng again.

"What about you? Reno owe you anything?" Tseng shook his head and sighed. Rude shrugged and pulled all the gil out of the wallet. He put a good chunk of it away to pay for Reno's drinks, which were a lot, and held the rest in his hand. He and Elena eyed the gil, then looked at each other. Tseng groaned when they both smiled.

"Line 'em up, barkeeper!" Elena yelled as Rude set the money down.

"Okay, we take shots until there's one conscious person left. Last one sitting up wins Reno's money." Rude explained the rules, Elena nodding as he did. The bald man looked to Tseng. "You in, boss?"

"No thank you, one of us has to arrange cabs- or make sure you get to the hospital." Tseng replied flatly, wishing that the two would change their minds.

Rude shrugged again and took his first shot in his hand. "Ready?" he asked Elena, looking over to her.

Elena smirked. "You're going down."

"Newbie, I'll drink you under the table."

Tseng ran a hand over his face and groaned again. He watched the competition begin and then looked to Reno, who was mumbling something about bananas in his sleep. As he looked from the drinking Turks to the unconscious one, and back, he wondered how much of an influence Reno really had on those two.

* * *

Sorry if it wasn't that good, like I said before, extremely rushed. Reno and alcohol simply cannot be a good combination. Sorry, no clothes are shed by accident this time, maybe later on. XD No half-naked Reno for you!

Now, I keep hearing this rumour where you can get punished for answering reviews in chapters of your fictions. I think this is too wierd, but I don't want to take any chances. I love you guys to death, you are all so great with your reviews! I'll find a way to individually thank you and share my love!

Please keep reviewing! New chapter coming soon, but I'm also working on a one-shot fic, andmy ongoing fic Personal Demons, so updates will vary. Toodles!


	7. Wark!

Yes, I worked my ass off and brought you a new chapter a few days before I had planned to. You guys better know that I love you. I got an idea for this the other night when my freind and I were discussing chocobos. Oh, how I love those things XD Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All the characters belong the Square- AND ALSO, **the "Pokey Sock Incident" is from the genius mind of Random Reno Fangirl 05!** The whole thing is just so funny, I HAD to mention it. I hope you dont mind, RRF. If you do, tell me and I'll change it. Anyway, go check out her fanfiction entitled 'Trapped" to fully understand what Rude is talking about.

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If you've ever had a job, or went to school, you'd know the great joy in having a day off. One of those rare occasions where you're excused from hellish responsibilities and inferiority for a whole day. If you worked with Shinra, a day off was about as common as a gold chocobo. Well, it was true unless you were Rufus Shinra, because that brat had more vacation days than work. And most of the executives did nothing anyways, except sit around and try to bully the inferiors. 

That brings us to our beloved Turks, the highest people in the company that actually did work. They work their asses off, so don't they deserve a break once in a while? Apparently not, because they had to fight to get out of work at a reasonable hour on Christmas eve. However, today was special. The whole group of them finally got a Friday off, to do whatever they pleased.

Rude was taking advantage of this day to catch up on something he had lacked for the past few weeks- sleep. Screw waking up at the ungodly hour he did every morning! Until he had joined the Turks, he didn't know that there was a five in the morning. So now, he lay curled up in his bed, the digital clock next to him blinking **10:17**, and still more time of sleeping yet to be passed. Well, that would have happened, if the phone hadn't started ringing.

Rude stirred and opened his eyes slowly, blinking several times to get rid of the blurriness. After a moment he sat up and rubbed his face, mumbling a curse. He looked at the phone, which was still ringing and growled. He reached over, at the same falling back down on the mattress, and picked up the phone.

"What?" he barked into the phone irritably.

"Rude! Wakey wakey, sunshine!" A sickeningly cheerful voice greeted him. Rude cringed and gritted his teeth.

"Reno, next time I see you, I'm going to hang you by your ponytail andbeat you until candy comes out!" he almost yelled, sparking laughter from the other end. What the hell was Reno thinking? Did he want to be murdered?

"C'mon, you big lazy oaf, at least I didn't call you at seven!"

"In that case, I'll spare some of your bones from severe breakage." Rude replied with a sigh. He was rewarded with more laughter. "Shouldn't you be hung over and in severe pain? Or asleep? Or in the drunk tank?"

"Funny. No, I need to go to the chocobo farm east of Kalm today. I need you to come with me." came the response from the other end. Rude blinked a couple times. Chocobos? He hated those things, and Reno knew that.

"Why?"

"I kinda need a bit of money, so I'm going to buy a chocobo of my own and enter it in the races at the Gold Saucer." Reno explained. Rude sighed again.

"And you need me for…"

"Because you always have excellent luck picking chocobos when we bet on the races. I need your opinion when I buy my own." After a pause, Reno's voice got a sweet, almost begging tone to it. "And plus you're my best friend in the whole wide world!" Rude could only twitch.

"You're doing the puppy dog eyes right now, aren't you?"

"Yep!"

"Alright, fine. But you owe me, big time." Rude caved in, mentally kicking himself. So much for his ultra-rare day off.

"YES!" Reno cheered excitedly. "Thanks, man. Be at my place at eleven, then we'll head off to the farm. See ya soon!" Before Rude could respond, the other end went silent with a click.

"For fu-" the rest of Rude's sentence was muffled when he buried his face in the pillow. He hung up the phone violently. He just wanted to sleep, not go pick out giant birds. Oh, how he hated those things. So much evil covered in so many feathers.

After a rushed shower, Rude got dressed in a simple black t-shirt and jeans. If he could avoid wearing his Turk uniform, he usually did. They weren't very comfortable and didn't attract the right kind of attention on the streets. He slipped on a jacket and headed out of his apartment, grumbling threats of Reno's slow painful demise under his breath the whole way. His whole day ruined, he was in a less than cheerful mood. After a quick stop at Starbucks, he walked to Reno's apartment building, which was only a couple blocks from his own. The eager redhead was already waiting at the front doors, also wearing casual clothes. He looked slightly different out of uniform, he could blend in as an average citizen. When he saw Rude he smirked a little.

"It's ten after eleven, you slacker" he stated, always being the one to mock Rude because the more serious Turk was usually perfectly on time. Rude merely snorted.

"On good days you stumble into work at ten, so stuff it." he snapped, taking a sip of his hot drink.

Reno chuckled a little and patted Rude's shoulder. "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" he teased as they started walking.

"Woke up to you're voice. Ruins any mood."

Reno ignored the comment and looked at the Styrofoam cup in his friend's hand. He wrinkled his nose, knowing Rude had gotten come fancy dark roast French pressed something-or-other. "Why do you drink that stuff? It's gross."

"The place is right beside my apartment, so it's convenient. Plus, I think it's good." Rude replied with a shrug, taking another sip. He would need the caffeine, spending the day with Reno was always energy-draining.

"It's all so fancy, they have like a dozen different types of cappuccino, what would they do if I walked in and ordered a coffee?" Reno inquired, still looking at the cup with a low level of disgust on his face.

"Probably beat you with a shovel."

* * *

When they finally made it to the chocobo farm, Rude was starting to wish he had simply unplugged his phone and went back to bed. Reno looked like a kid in a candy store as he looked over the assortment of large birds walking around the paddock. His eyes lit up, and he dragged Rude over to the fence with him. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed that the bald man had paled.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Rude straightened up and cleared his throat, avoiding looking at the chocobos. "I… really don't like chocobos." he said quietly, adjusting his sunglasses. A smirk pulled at Reno's mouth.

"You're afraid of them!" he said before bursting into laughter.

"No I'm not!" Rude growled defensively. "I just had a bad experience with them when I was a kid. I don't like them, that's all"

Reno barely collected himself, leaning on the fence for support. "Oh really? Did a mean bird scare you?" he taunted after his laughter.

Rude glared. "For your information, I almost got trampled by a herd of them. They're heavy, y'know." He said with a sigh. "I'm not scared of them." His statement would have seemed honest if a chocobo hadn't let out a loud "WARK" right after, causing the big man to jump and grab Reno, holding him as a human shield. Reno's laughter almost killed him.

"Good… god… you're a wuss!" Reno sputtered between fits of laughter. Rude dropped the man on the ground hard. He crossed his arms, watching the smaller man doubled over in the grass.

"Pokey Sock Incident." Rude said calmly, which put Reno's laughter to a sudden halt. The redhead uttered an "eep!" while clinging around Rude's waist. (I know what you're thinking. Shame on you!)

"We never speak of that!" Reno whimpered. Rude twitched, trying to peel Reno off of him.

"Don't act like you're not afraid of something too. It's taken us months to get you to go near a children's sandbox without screaming." After a great effort, he finally got Reno to let go of him. He sighed and helped the other man up. "Let's go into the barn and find someone to talk to about buying your chocobo."

As they walked to the barn, Reno was behind Rude, getting himself to stop shaking. How dare he mention the horrible Pokey Sock Incident? That was just cruel! Well, as everyone knows, Reno can be cruel back. He eventually smirked and reached out, poking the back of Rude's bald head. "WARK!" he exclaimed, surprisingly sounding a lot like a chocobo.

As he watched Rude jump and try to hide behind large sacks of chocobo feed, the redhead smirked. Work on Monday was going to be fun.

* * *

And there you have it, people. I don't know why I made Rude afraid of chocobos... He's so tough and mean looking, he must be scared of something!And chocobos are just so cute,I thought that him having a fear of themwould be amusing.XD Hey, if I was trampled by giant birds, I'd be afraid too. I abuse Reno and Rude because I luff them so much! 

Thanks for your reviews! But like I mentioned before, this whole rumor about replying to reviews in chapters is still floating around. So if I have the time (and you leave a nice review for me) I'll respond through email- if you prefer that I don't respond to yours, just say so in your review. Anyway, new chapter soon!

Toodles!


	8. Mini Chapter: Bob

This is a short chapter, kinda like chapter 7.5! In this chapter, I mention the newest game craze, Nintendogs. Now,a t first I thought this was the dumbest thing to hit the shelves, but after my friend made me look into it, I fell in love. Now I am buying this game, despite my action/adventure/RPG/first person shooter game tastes. It really is addictive, and who do we know that has a childish, semi-addictive personality? RENO!

Real chapter coming soon, I just got this idea and had to write it, and I don't think I could have put it into a real chapter. Oh well, Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Rude, Reno and Shinra belong to Square. Nintendogs Belongs to Nintendo.

* * *

Rude was a patient man, as we all know. How else could he put up with Reno, and at the same time actually withhold his sanity? How could he spend every day sitting across the room from him, facing him, listening to him, and basically baby-sit him for at least nine to ten hours, if he wasn't patient? He could take abuse from Shinra executives and bite his tongue, he could stand long meetings about things that not even the president gave a flying rat's ass about. He could even put up listening to Elena for a five-hour car drive. If you've ever heard Elena talk, you'll know it's quite a feat. 

But now, Rude's patience was being put to the real test. Three guesses as to who was dancing on his last nerve.

"Bark! Bark!"

"You little asshole! I said come here!" came the irritated voice from across the room. Rude lay his head on his desk, and hit his forehead off the surface a couple times. He could only listen to the epic battle of wills going on at Reno's desk.

"Bob! Come here!" the command was only responded with more barking, which sparked a long line of unmentionable threats from Reno.

"Bob! You inferior pile of cat vomit! I said come here!"

Rude twitched for the four hundred and seventy third time that day. He sat up. "Reno, for the love of god, put that damn thing away!" he yelled, startling the smaller man. Reno jumped and almost dropped the handheld console in his hands. He blinked at Rude, seeming confused as to why he was so mad.

"Why? It's a fun game!" He protested, his voice becoming smaller as Rude stood up. Rude glared dangerously.

"Put the game down." he ordered. Reno only smirked.

"You're not my superior!" He said smugly, starting to play the annoying interactive game again.

"Doesn't mean I can't break you!"

Yes, Reno had caved into the crazed fad of Nintendogs, that annoying game where you get a virtual dog and look after it. It was bad enough he had named his pixel pooch 'Bob', but he brought the little abomination to work, and spent otherwise productive hours playing it. Now whatever work Reno did do in the office wasn't getting done. To make it worse, it was driving Rude insane. You could tell by the constant twitch he was suffering from.

Now you may ask. "Why is Reno playing a Nintendo game, when he is a character created by Square-Enix?" Well, you nerd, I don't know, it's only a fan fiction! Let's focus on the story.

Reno had ignored Rude's threat and continued playing. After another failure at an attempt to train the computerized animal to sit, he started getting frustrated again.

"You son of a bitch! I'll drown you in your water dish."

Rude just sighed. No use in getting mad at an idiot, it wasn't his fault he was dropped down thirteen flights of stairs as a child. The bald man walked over to him with gritted teeth and went to grab to DS from his grasp. "Just put it down, you're going to give yourself a stroke."

Reno pulled it away from Rude and stuck his tongue out. "Bite me. It's my game."

"Bark bark!"

Reno looked back at the bottom screen of the system and twitched. "You fucktard! I'm gonna use this stick to gouge your little doggy eyes out!" he yelled, trying to attack the virtual dog with the stylus, using violent stabbing motions. Rude shook his head and took the handheld console from the insane and enraged redhead. He snatched the stylus and held both things out of his reach. After looking at the screen for a moment, he started playing around with it.

"Reno, ever think that this thing isn't listening because you're yelling, you haven't fed it at all?" He asked, giving the virtual dog food and water. The pup gave a happy bark. Reno glared.

"I know how to take care of a dog, I'm not an idiot."

"Sorry, man, I'm gonna have to disagree." Rude smiled while still playing with the DS. Reno snorted and reached for the game.

"Hey, give that back." he whined. Rude merely looked at him and his smiled widened.

"Screw you man, this is fun." He walked back to his desk and continued his care for Bob the dog.

* * *

And before you ask, yes, Nintendogs IS good, and it's addictive as hell! I hope you guys dont mind a short drabble between real chapters, and I hope this makes at least one person smile. 

Reviews!

Y'know what? Screw it! You guys deserve better! I'm responding to your reviews!

Nando the RPS King: Thanks for the tip about the review responsething, and also thanks for the reviews! Yes, Poor Rude,I need to stop abusing him so much! I luff you, you always review so kindly -sniff-

k i y a r a: Sorry about the 'Pokey sock' confusion. I explained it at the beginning, before the chapter started (in the disclaimer) And your reviews always make me feel all warm and fizzy inside! Rude's violent threats are always enjoyable!

TrueBornChaos: Ah yes, that is my infamous typo! In my proofreading I always miss it because "course" and "coarse" are basically the same to me. Guess it's goo that school is starting again soon, eh? Thanks for your review and proofreading!

Maggi84: The creativeness of the review doesn't matter to me. Thank you for reviewing!

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Don't worry about apologising, although I am glad to hear from you again! And yes, chocobo trampling is bad. Painful, too! Thanks for reviewing!

Random Reno Fangirl 05: XD You're reviews are better than my fiction! I'm glad You don't mind me mentioning the Pokey Sock Incident...  
Reno: -cowers and wimpers-  
Anywhoo, it's always great to hear from you! You're reviews always make me laugh. And I may even add Sandy in, because I love her so! (By the way, I can't look at a sock, snake, or Ultimate WEAPON the same! Good going! XD) Thanks for reviewing! And update Trapped! soon!


	9. Guest Appearance!

Ah yes, the last days of summer! Going back to school means not as many updates for my fictions! -sigh- oh well. I bring you another chapter! I struggled with this because I promised a loyal reviewer (and one of my fav fanfic authors) that i would include her muse, Sandy in one of my chapters. It's a pointless chapter (aren't they all?) with the usual stuff, except with a sad attempt at a guest appearence! I'm sorry if this one sucks, I tried. Oh well, Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are beling to Square

**Except-** Sandy, Rufus' bodyguard. She is Random Reno Fangirl 05's (god I love that username XD) muse. Sorry, RRF, I tried. I read your fic over and over, and I tried to fit her in as best as possible without snapping my own characterizations in half. Just so you know RRF, I was going to add in Joe, or acaffiene high, or somethingveryrandom, but I couldn't pull it off. I hope you enjoy though.

* * *

"RENO!" Rude's thundering voice echoed through the hall, followed by fits of laughter from the culprit. Tseng could only shake his head and put down his pen. He had a headache, and wished the office could have some peace and quiet for one minute. He stood up and walked over to the door of his office, poking his head out to see if he could catch a glimpse of the chaos. He looked just in time to see Reno skid through a corner, coming to an abrupt stop as he hit the adjacent wall. He started running again, passing Tseng with a "Hey boss!" that faded in and out as quickly as he did. Tseng blinked as he watched Reno turn the corner at the other end of the hallway in the same fashion, with a dull _thud_ as he hit the wall. He looked back to see Rude turn the corner, much more gracefully, and start running after his prey. The enraged bald man passed Tseng and turned the corner, leaving the Turk leader to stand there, confused. He stepped into the hallway and watched the spot where he saw them both leave his sight, still blinking dumbly. After a moment he heard footsteps behind him and swiftly turned to see Elena, looking slightly peeved.

"Is Reno expendable?" he asked with a huff. Tseng groaned and rubbed his throbbing temple.

"Unfortunately, no." he responded. "What did he do to Rude this time?"

Elena sighed, shaking her head. "He's just bored. He keeps poking Rude on the forehead and impersonating a chocobo. I think Rude finally snapped." she explained. Tseng raised an eyebrow.

"Rude is still afraid of chocobos? I thought he was over that." he questioned, causing Elena to shake her head.

"Nope, and Reno is making it worse." Elena sighed and pulled some blonde hair out of her eyes. "Are you sure we can't kill him?"

Tseng cracked a small smile, finding amusement in this. "Sorry, but no. I'll keep him busy for today. As soon as he becomes expendable, I'll let you know."

Elena forced a smile and turned to walk back to her office. She stopped after a few steps and turned her head. "Can we at least give him to Hojo for a few hours?"

"Go, Elena." Tseng said in an authoritative voice, shaking his head. As the blonde walked away, defeated, Tseng heard the sounds of the chase coming back towards him. As Reno slid into his view, then hit the wall, Tseng wondered if he should just let him run until he tired himself out. Impossible, he remembered Reno drinking coffee an hour earlier.

The Turk leader caught the fleeing man by the back of the shirt as he tried to run past him. The redhead was taken by surprise, and his feet slipped out from under him. He hung by the back of his blazer, looking up at Tseng with an innocent look. He pointed at Rude, who had slowed his pace and was walking towards them, fists clenched.

"He started it." Reno stated, still looking innocent. Tseng twitched, still holding Reno up like one would hold a puppy by the scruff of the neck.

"Reno, why can't you, for once, just act your age?" Tseng questioned in a deathly serious tone. Rude stopped beside Tseng, and looked at Reno dangerously. The troublemaker knew he was in for it, either being pummelled to a bloody pulp by Rude, or an extended lecture from Tseng. Both seemed equally terrifying. He just gave them both his Cheshire-cat grin.

"You know you love me for it."

Rude and Tseng exchanged looks, and the Turk leader dropped his catch to the floor. "As much as I love a hot fire poker in the eye." Tseng sighed. "Wait one minute, I have a job for you, Reno." With that, the wutaiian man turned and walked into his office. He reappeared a moment later with a file full if paper. Reno, who had pulled himself to his feet, gave a long, childish whine.

"Not paperwork…"

"No, it's some papers I need the president to sign. Take these up to him, and bring them back when he's done so, alright?" He handed the folder to Reno.

"Yes, sir!" Reno exclaimed with a salute. He turned and walked down the hall, folder in hand. Tseng shook his head again.

"Seriously, why can't he act his age?" He asked, looking at Rude. The other man was readjusting his tie, which had come loose during the chase.

"I don't know." Rude sighed. "I don't even think he can count that high."

Reno stepped out of the elevator, and walked up to the desk at the other side of the room. "Cindy, my dear!" he exclaimed, causing the girl at the desk to look up. She smiled a little.

"Driving Tseng crazy again?"

"You know it!" the Turk replied as he nodded proudly. "Anywhoo, Tseng needs these papers signed by Rufus." he said, flopping the already beaten and crinkled folder on the desk. The secretary nodded.

"Go on in, then." she told him before turning back to her computer screen. After a moment, Cindy paused. "Reno, you didn't hit on me for once, what's the occasion?" she joked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Official business, miss." Reno said professionally. "I'll get back to you later!" He then turned and walked through he big oak doors, folder in hand.

"Hey, Rufus I-" Reno was cut off by a sudden tackle around the waist.

"Die, assassinating scum!" his attacker screamed. Reno scrambled away, reaching for his Electro-Mag Rod.

"Sandy! That's enough. It's just a Turk." Rufus said calmly, standing up from his chair and walking around his desk. The attacker, a blonde woman, froze, in the middle of swinging a coffee pot to crash on Reno's head. The Turk edged back from her, still sitting on the ground and clutching Mag with white knuckles.

"Still paranoid about assassinations?" he asked, looking at Rufus with one raised eyebrow. The president took the coffee pot away from the woman and set it in its place on the table.

"I've got more death-threat mail than the mailman can carry. Then again, the mailman is too busy trying to KILL ME!" Rufus ended his sentence loudly with frustration heavy on his voice.

Reno smirked a little. "Maybe your dear father was right about not ruling with fear. For some strange reason, the people don't like that." the Turk cringed, bracing himself as Sandy walked over and offered him a hand up.

"Stuff it, Turk." Rufus growled. Sandy ended up having to haul Reno up, since he was still half-cowering.

It was true, people didn't like Rufus' method of control over the public. They hated him, but frankly, he scared the crap out of them. If they don't fear him out of respect for his power, they fear him because if he finds out they don't, they're in for a world of pain. His unsympathetic and cruel outlook on people is what makes him so damn good at what he does.

"Maybe you should get more bodyguards to take down people at every door!" Reno suggested while collecting the scattered papers and shoving them, unorganized and crumpled, into the folder.

"Hey, it's not my fault you look like some punk kid." Sandy huffed, crossing her arms. Reno straightened up, pile of papers under his arm. He looked extremely offended.

"I do NOT!"

Rufus just sighed. Why did Tseng always have to send Reno? "Why are you even here?"  
Reno paused, having to think for a moment. "Oh yeah!" he exclaimed like he had just remembered. He tossed the folder at Rufus, who barely caught it. "Tseng needs these signed, pronto!" he clapped his hands twice. "Chop chop!"

Rufus glared at the redhead, wondering where Sandy had hidden his gun. "Don't give me orders!" he snapped. Sandy reached over and patted the orange-blonde hair. She wrinkled her nose and wiped a mass of hair gel off her hand onto the president's shoulder.

"Just ignore him, Ru-Ru-chan." the president twitched, and Reno burst into hysterical laughter. As Rufus walked to his desk, he gave the Turk a swift kick when he passed him.

"I hate this. If I didn't have unquestioned power over everyone, I'd quit." the president mumbled as he flipped through the papers, signing each one in the appropriate places. Sandy walked over to the Turk and poked him a few times. Reno was on the floor trying to collect himself.

"Is it dead?"

"Here's hoping." Rufus growled. Reno immediately sat up, glaring at his superior.

"You're lucky Tseng wont let me kill you." he said, ending up being tackled by Sandy for threatening the president.

Rufus ignored the small struggle going on in front of him as he flipped through papers. "And you're lucky Sandy hid my gun while on a sugar high." He signed the last paper and put them back in the folder, -much more neatly than Reno did- and pushed it to the edge of the desk. "That's enough, Sandy." he told his bodyguard in monotone.

Reno brushed himself off and stuck his tongue out at the woman, who kindly returned the gesture. The Turk walked over to the desk and picked up the papers, tucking them under his arm.

"Are you going to make my day worse, or are you done here?" Rufus asked, tapping his gold pen on the desk.

"Yes." Reno mock-saluted.

"Yes _sir._" Rufus corrected the cocky redhead.

"Aw, there's no need to call me sir, Rufus!" Reno smirked at the president, who glared at him.

"Out." he said in a dangerously low voice. The Turk hastily turned and walked towards the door, fully knowing Rufus could and would kill him, without batting an eyelid. Well, he might freak out a little bit, getting blood out if his fancy white coat was difficult. Reno stopped to open the door, and halfway out he turned back to the young president.

"Bye, Ru-Ru-chan!" he bid the president goodbye in a sickly sweet tone.

"OUT!" Rufus roared, standing up from his chair. The door quickly slammed shut, and the nuisance was gone.

* * *

There you have it! I apologize for any OOCness, especially to you, RRF, I don't think I could do your jokes and muse justice! I tried!

And before I hear about it, I was told that a veryshort dialogue between Reno and Rufus sounded a lot like something from a harry potter book (the newest one if I'm not mistaken.) A friend who proofreads for me alerted me of this. I don't read Harry Potter, I haven't gotten past book 4, so don't get mad. I didn't know, and when I was told,I was already done, and I thought it was too cute to take out.

Reviews! You guys are Gods. Seriously. I love you guys.

Nando the RPS King: Yes, Nintendogsis addictive! Stay away!And I've never read Penny Arcade, I shall look into it though. From what you say it has my kind of humor :D thank you!

TruebornChaos: Ah yes, good point about the Nintendo and Square thing. Thank you for yet another informative review! (catch me on any other 'coarse and course' typos, k? XD)

Random Reno Fangirl 05: You're reviews always make my day! Yes, Bob is a very popular name for random things! I hope you like this chappie, I tried so hard -smacks head on desk- I hope I didn't mess up Sandy too much. I need more practise on characterization. I even added 'Ru-Ru-chan', because it's so freaking cute!  
Poor Sandy! -gives her a Reno plushie- dont cry! Joe will come back!

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Yes, once again, Rude gets driven to insanity... and in this chapter too! Wow, poor guy. I kept the lastchapter short because I needed to work on a real chapter. That one was just me having fun. Thank you!


	10. Lost!

Yup, another one already! I'm getting as many chapters as I can in before school starts, because then I'll probably submit one a week. Tops. I have some pretty hard courses this year. Anywhoo, this chapter may seem a bit short, mainly because it's about a car ride. Not much can happen except conversation. Oh well, enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square.

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

A thirty second silence. "Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"Does it look like it?"

Another short pause. "Are we there yet?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

Rude felt another twitch pull at his eye. Four hours in the car, driving to Junon, with a bored Reno. The trip was supposed to take about two and a half hours, but Reno was a bad navigator, and didn't know he had been holding the map upside down. Rude had taken the map and tried to figure it out himself. He had gotten them in the right direction, but he still had no clue what he was doing.

Now, you may ask. "Junon is a pretty important place, why don't they know their way there?" Well, dear readers, they are Turks, and they usually take a helicopter to missions in far away cities and towns. When the helicopter was broken down, they had no choice but to drive. Rude had lost the coin flip and had to drive his car all the way to Junon for their mission.

Needless to say, they were lost, but Rude was determined to find their way there. Reno might not make it to Junon, but that would be his own fault.

"Hey Rude?" He redhead asked, his elbow leaning on the small ledge in front of the window, and the side of his face resting in his hand.

"Yeah?" Rude responded dryly. "And if you ask if we're there yet, I'll throw you out the window." Reno just chuckled at that.

"Why do you like that Tifa girl?" he asked his friend, looking at him with raised eyebrows. Rude shrugged.

"I just think she's pretty, that's all."

"And got boobs the size of her head." Reno added with a smirk, gesturing the appropriate size with his hands. Rude raised an eyebrow.

"Of coarse you'd notice that. One day, a woman is gonna spray you with mace."

"Meh, been there, done that." the other man said with a dismissive wave of his hand. Rude sighed and shook his head.

"You wonder why you never get lucky." he said with a slight smirk. Reno glared at him.

"And if I were to stab you in the face, I'd go to jail, where's the justice in that?" he growled at Rude.

"I don't know, the world is messed up like that." Rude said with a slight smirk. "It's the only thing keeping _you_ alive."

"I love you too." Reno crossed his arms.

"Aw, I know you do." Rude laughed as he ruffled Reno's hair. The redhead did a little freak out and pushed his hand away.

"Not that hair, dude." he said, fussing over his messed up hair and trying to fix it. "My hair is a point of pride, thank you very much."

Rude shook his head. "Well, considering you have an ego the size of Midgar…"

"Oh, there's other points of pride I have." Reno said with a wide smirk. Rude looked over and thwacked him with the rolled up map, immediately catching his implication. Reno laughed and caught the map when it flew towards him again. "You know you're just jealous."

"Uh huh, that must be it." Rude said with a growl, snatching the map back. He shook his head and unrolled the map, looking over it for what seemed the billionth time that day. He had no clue where they were.

"Rude, are we lost?" Reno asked, looking over at the map, then at his friend.

"No, we're not lost." Rude lied before heaving a sigh. Reno looked around. They were driving down a road in the middle of wide open field. Civilization was nowhere in sight, except for dark, gloomy Midgar, miles and miles off in the distance behind them. Even that was barely noticeable. They were in the middle of nowhere.

"Are you sure?" he questioned, looking around more. "This looks like a good place to be lost!"

Rude twitched. "We're NOT lost. I know exactly where we're going."

"Mhmm, sure." Reno smiled. "So, if you only think Lockhart is pretty, who _do_ you like?"

Rude sighed again. Somehow Reno never really left adolescence. "No one." he replied simply, glancing at the map again before rolling it up.

"C'mon, man, you can tell me." Reno nudged him, still smiling, "Unless you want to admit your undying love for me. I don't think we're ready for that." Reno was rewarded with another hit with the map.

"Don't flatter yourself. I'm not into women like you." Rude looked over, smirking. At Reno's glare, he laughed. "You walked into that one, don't blame me."

"You wish I was a chick." Reno huffed, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, that's exactly it." Rude said sarcastically. "Nah, if you were a female, I couldn't do this." he said before giving Reno a hard smack in the back of the head.

"Ow! You jerk, that hurt!" Reno whined, causing Rude to smirk and shake his head.

"Oh I'm sorry, I wouldn't have done that if I knew it would cause you pain." Reno tried to hit the man back, but Rude just caught his wrist. "I'll kick your ass later. Right now, I'm driving."

Reno huffed and pulled his hand back. "You gonna answer my question, or not?" When Rude looked over at him with a raised eyebrow, he sighed. "Who do you like?"

"I told you, nobody." Rude replied as he looked back at the road. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Reno smirk.

"It's Elena, isn't it?" he asked, his mouth pulling into a wider smirk as he spoke.

Rude paused. "No." he said after a minute of silence.

"I knew it!" Reno laughed. "Don't lie man, I can read you like a book."

"And here I was thinking you were illiterate."

Reno just prodded Rude with his Electro-Mag Rod, which was thankfully turned off. The bald man still jumped a little, though. "Haha, I knew you liked her."

"Bite me."

"Sorry I'm not into that kind of stuff." Reno said smugly, prodding Rude again. He still seemed very proud of himself.

"I'm gonna break that thing over your head…" Rude growled his warning, eyes still on the road. The smaller man just re-aimed his poking to the side of his bald head.

"If you do, I'll tell Elena." he said, the smugness still in his voice. Rude sighed again.

"Why do I allow you to breathe?" Rude asked, twitching.

Reno was silent, but still prodded Rude until the other man gave him a glare from behind dark lenses that promised severe bone breakage. After a long silence, Reno smirked again.

"Rude?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we there yet?"

* * *

There it is! Hope you enjoyed it. Reno and Rude really do love each other... well, in my fangirlish world they do. The aim of this chapter was just to build on the abusive affection they share as friends, and of course to let Reno be a brat. That's just what he does best! Poor Rude, he puts up with so much...

Reviews! Okay, not too many, since I barely waited 24 hours between chapters. Still,I shall answer!

Nando the RPS King: Yes, Sandy does seem like a female version of Reno. That's why I couldn't resist adding a guest appearance! Thanks once again for the review! and yes, do watch out for those oddball games.

Random Reno Fangirl 05: YAY! I'm SO glad you liked it! I was so worried that I had messed Sandy up -sigh of relief- And thank YOU for letting me add her in. Sandy is luffed! For some reason a little spat between Reno and Rufus would work, because Reno is so childish and Rufus is so serious. Or should I say... Ru-Ru-chan! -gets shot by Rufus, who ordered someone to fetch his gun from the tree pot- ...thanks again!

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Yes, Reno is good at pissing people off, isn't he? Ah, that's why we luff him! Thanks for the review!


	11. Crazy Lady!

Oh yes, here I am! I actually had this chappie done like a couple hours after I posted the last one, but I kept making changes because it...well... sucked XD But I fixed it up and now it's better! Oh and **A slight warning -**my inner fangirl shows through here. There's no actual Reno/Rude stuff going on, but there's some ideas that will please my fellow fangirls.

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Square

* * *

Rude sighed in relief as he closed the folder and stood up. Hours of work finally done, and the paperwork neatly organized in the folder, ready to hand to Tseng. He hated paperwork, but he took pride in how he did it. Hours and hours of work, finally accomplished, and without the annoying distraction of his partner, as a bonus. He walked around his desk, folder clutched in one hand, careful not to crease the important papers inside. The bald man headed towards the door, but before he could step out, someone turned into the room and collided with him, at the same time gripping and clinging around his waist, and sending the papers flying. Hours of precisely done work scattered over the floor. Rude stumbled back, but didn't fall. He looked down at his attacker and his hands pulled into tight fists.

"Start running…" he snarled. The person was still clinging around his waist for dear life. Three guesses as to who it was.

Reno merely gave an innocent smile back up his friend. "I'm in deep shit."

"Yes you are. Now let go of me."

Reno just clung tighter. "Evil woman!" he just yelled. Rude blinked, the homicidal rage slowly settling down.

"Yeah… that totally explains this." He said was he tried to pry the redhead off him. "Remember that talk we had about personal space?" Reno just held on to him like his life depended on it.

"Elena's going to kill me!" he whimpered, tightening his grip more so Rude couldn't pry him off. Reno actually sounded afraid.

"I will first if you don't let go."

"I accidentally grabbed her! She's trying to kill me!"

Rude sighed and tried to step back, but only dragged the man with him. "And yet you eagerly cling to my waist. Ever think of that?" He tried again to peel away from Reno, but only got the circulation cut off in his legs. "I don't like being clung to."

"She thinks I purposely grabbed her ass! I'm dead! She's crazy lady, she'll grind me up and eat me as a side dish to go with the babies she has for dinner!" Reno yelped as Rude pulled on his ponytail.

"Why are you still clinging to me?"

"She's evil!"

"Let go."

"She's kicked a puppy!"

"Let go… NOW!" Rude pulled harder on the ponytail.

"Well, this is an interesting sight!" Rude looked over to the door to see Elena, who had an amused smirk on her face despite to obvious rage. Reno yelped and shifted around so he was still clinging to Rude, but behind him.

"Elena, just stuff it and find me something to pry him off with! After that, he's all yours to kill." Rude growled as he attempted to kick the smaller man off. The bald man was turning red with anger and embarrassment. Reno glared at Elena.

"Crazy lady!"

"You're a PERVERT!" Elena fumed when her attention was directed towards Reno. Her fists were clenched and her face was red with fury. Reno suddenly smirked.

"Oh please, I prefer something that actually looks like a woman!" he taunted her, which caused her to get even redder. Rude swallowed hard and stepped back, almost tripping over Reno.

"Elena…" he said her name nervously as she stormed towards them. "Let's not have a homicide in the office. Especially when there's an innocent person unwillingly attached to your victim." He looked like he was scared, hell, he was terrified.

The woman ignored him as she walked around him to get to Reno, the look on her face promising a feeling beyond agony. The troublemaker just shifted around Rude, still clinging to him. She followed him, which caused him to go back to behind Rude. The two started going around poor Rude, trying to psyche the other person out. It was like 'Ring around the Rude'. The Turk standing still was getting dizzy.

"Okay children, time to grow up." he sighed.

"Shut up!" both of his fellow Turks barked at him. At one point during the chase, Reno's hand accidentally slipped and came in contact with a place you shouldn't touch another man- especially if he's capable of snapping your spine in several places. Rude jumped and bolted away, almost falling to the ground in the process. Reno ended up on the floor, and without the protection of Rude between him and Elena's wrath. Rude steadied himself by leaning on the desk a little for support.

"Oh, you did NOT just do that!" he snarled dangerously before walking over and holding Elena back by the shoulder. If anyone was going to kill Reno, it would be him. The now other enraged Turk twitched. Reno scrambled back, still on the floor, and flattened his back against the wall.

"It was an accident!" he said in a small, 'I'm-really-fucked-now' voice. "I swear!" Rude glared at the other man, ready to beat him until his organs were a perfectly blended mixture of liquids. Reno pushed against the wall harder, hoping he could somehow get through it. His looked up at his soon-to-be murderer and gulped.

"I'm gonna rip you into more pieces than I can count!" Rude stepped towards Reno, fists ready. Reno, always being a smart ass, just smiled a little despite his terror.

"That'll be what eleven, twelve?" He scrambled away as the bigger man lunged at him. He stumbled towards the door, but Elena was quicker. She closed the door and stood between him and his passageway to survival. He turned to Rude, who was standing behind him and ready to jump at him again. The doomed man just made his way towards his desk and slipped behind it.

"Come on, you both know you liked it. Don't deny it!" he said with both smugness and fear in his voice. Rude and Elena exchanged looks as they cornered him.

"Would you like to have the first hit?" Elena asked Rude in a sweet voice, making Reno let out a small noise and squish as far as he could into the corner. Rude smiled at the woman and waved on unclenched hand at their prey.

"Ladies first."

Tseng set his coffee cup down and let out a content sigh. It seemed so peaceful today for some reason. Usually quiet caused worry, but he wasn't going to bother with that. As his pen scribbled away at the paper in front of him, he smiled at the thought that maybe, for once, Reno had decided to do some work. He hadn't needed one Advil all day, or even received a complaint from an employee.

As he took another sip from his coffee, he paused for a moment at the sound of faint screaming. He blinked several times as he set his cup down again.

"What in the-" the screams started to come gradually louder, and he could hear loud curses and death threats. "Or, for the love of…" he trailed off as he stood up, the dreams of having one productive day shattered. He slowly walked towards his office door, debating on whether to check on his Turks or just close it to avoid the chaos altogether. He decided on the latter, but as he was in mid-swing with the door, he saw something pass by. He froze for a moment. "Reno?"

"Help!" Tseng heard as he ran out the door to see the passing man slow to a stop. He was taped to an office chair and rolling down the hallway. Tseng let out a soft curse as he walked over and turned the chair around to see Reno's face. The bound man was fully glamorized with makeup, mascara, bright red blush, lipstick, and blue eye shadow. Tseng smirked for a moment before he gave in to laughter.

"Stop laughing and help me!" Reno roared, struggling against the tape as if his life depended on it.

"You look nice, Reno! The eye shadow suits you." Tseng managed to sputter when he had slowed his laughter enough to speak. He heard Elena and Rude run up behind him and then make their way over to Reno. The two looked at Tseng, expecting to get hell from him, but the Turk leader just burst into laughter again. "Carry on, I'm sure he deserves it."

"Thanks sir!" Elena exclaimed before rolling Reno and the chair off again. Rude, with a seemingly permanent smile, handed his now slightly crumpled folder to his boss. Tseng took the folder and nodded.

"What did he do this time?" the dark haired man asked as he flipped through the papers to make sure everything was in order.

"Rather not talk about it, sir." Rude replied with a sigh. Tseng smiled and nodded his head towards Elena and Reno.

"Go on, you deserve a little revenge. Just make sure Rufus doesn't see." As Rude ran after the other two, Tseng watched with morbid fascination. Reno was twirled around in the chair and rolled around the corner, begging Tseng to help him as it happened. As the pleas for help faded, Tseng turned back into his office.

His only wish was that he could join in on the fun.

* * *

Oh yes, I AM a loser :D Sorry if it scarred anyone for life... -gets shot- ..ehh...

Reviews! Booya! I lurve you people!

Nando the RPS King: Yes, it was a bit short, but it was all a conversation, so it was kind of hard to make it a long chapter. But, I'm glad you liked it. Thank you!

Reealifin: Aww! I feel so special! -hugs- Thank you, your review made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. I'm happy that you like it so much, and I hope you review in the future.

Cueball: Yay! Thanks -happy- by the way, I love your fanfictions!

TruebornChaos: That would teach Reno, wouldn't it? XD And Rude puts up with so much, soin this chapter he got some more revenge. Thanks!

Akiraine of Gia: aww -patpat- reading fanfictions is no excuse for lack of sleep! Rest up, you hear? And thank you, I'm glad you liked it!


	12. Hojo's Lab

Yes, in my (now rare) free time, I wrote another chapter. I got this idea when my friend was talking about her chemistry class, and that her teacher reminds her of Hojo (yes, creepy!) So it came to me that I don't have much, if any, mention of Hojo, the freaky scientist who ruined many lives! I'm trying hard to think up new ideas, my brain is failing me. School has made me stupider! Oh well, enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square

* * *

"Rude!" Reno's voice called down the hall, causing the bald man to stop walking. He turned around to see the smaller man running towards him, half stumbling. Rude raised an eyebrow.

"Reno, you okay?" He asked as his fellow Turk caught up to him. Reno was huffing, and had to lean against the wall for a moment to catch his breath. He held his side, wincing.

"Why did I cut gym in high school?" He groaned. Rude blinked.

"You have a high school education?"

"Bite me." Reno huffed again before straightening up. It was now that Rude noticed Reno was holding a folder in one hand. Just like every other unfortunate piece of paperwork that passed through his hands, it was very crinkled and even ripped in one corner.

"What's that?" he inquired, pointing at the folder. Reno looked at it and sighed.

"Apparently Tseng needed some quiet time, because he asked me to run this down to the lab for Hojo." He explained. He waved the folder expressively as he spoke. Rude crossed his arms.

"Annoying him again?"

"I take great offence to that!" Reno said, sounding just as offended as he said. Racing up and down the hall in his rolling chair and making car noises wasn't annoying! It was entertainment, and Reno had been very, very bored. "Tseng thought I could be using my time much more productively." The last few words of his sentence were in clear imitation of Tseng's voice. Rude shook his head.

"I'm surprised you can say productive without imploding, Reno." he sighed. "So why did you chase me down to tell me this? I'm going to lunch now." Rude said as he started turning about. Reno caught his shoulder. "And your touching me. Didn't we already establish that was bad?" Rude said while stopping.

"I need you to come with me to the lab." Reno said, letting go of Rude's shoulder. After the makeup incident a few days before, he was actually a little cautious not to piss the bigger man off. Rude raised an eyebrow at Reno.

"Why?"

Reno's cocky attitude faded and he nudged the ground sheepishly with his shoe. "Hojo creeps me out. I know what he did to a Turk years ago, and I don't wanna go alone." He said, going quiet. Rude fought the urge to laugh.

"You're afraid of a scientist?" He mused, snickering lightly.

"Stuff it, you saw what he did to Valentine. You don't think he'll do it again?" Reno hissed, looking up at Rude, who managed to not burst out laughing.

"No, I think your paranoid." Rude sighed. "Alright, I'll go with you, but don't expect me to hold your hand."

Reno smirked. "We both know you want to."

Rude pushed open the door to the lab and walked through. He let it swing shut and laughed as it hit Reno in the face as he tried to walk in behind him. "Heads up." He warned as Reno stormed through the doorway, holding his nose. "The door might hit you."

"One day karma is going to come back and bite you in the ass." Reno growled, checking his hand for blood. When he saw none, he just rubbed the top of his nose as it throbbed painfully.

"Then I can only guess what will happen to you when karma catches up." Rude mused before looking around the lab. It was dimly lit, mostly by computer monitors that gave off a lulling humming sound. Rude glanced around a second time, and didn't see Professor Hojo anywhere. He looked at Reno and saw the man edge closer to him, looking around nervously. "Are you okay?" Rude asked, sidestepping away.

Reno nodded, and looked very pale. "I hate it here, I never come down to this lab." he replied, gripping his electro-mag rod like he was going to get attacked.

"And here I was thinking you were born here." Rude said with a shrug, having to step back to avoid Reno's EMR as it was swung at him. He smirked lightly. "Let's just find Hojo and get out of here."

The two searched the lab for a better part of five minutes, but the scientist was nowhere to be seen. Rude glanced into a small specimen tube filled with glowing green liquid, most likely containing mako. He saw a fetus-like object inside and wrinkled his nose slightly.

"This guy is a sick fu-"

"Hey Rude!" Reno called behind him, cutting his sentence off. "Look at this!" Rude sighed, wondering if his friend had consumed anything he had found, or broken something yet. He turned around and walked over to Reno, who was squatting down and poking at a cage with his EMR, which was turned off. Reno grinned. "I think I found your mother!"

Rude peered into the cage to see a six-legged purple insect-canine hybrid…thing. The creature was snapping at Reno's EMR and growling. It was the most horrible thing Rude had ever seen, and in return to Reno's comment, he gave him a smack on the back of the head.

Reno smirked and stood up. "Oh, was that your sister?"

Rude blinked. "Didn't you try and make a move on my sister last Christmas?" As Reno was walking away, he froze. He laughed nervously.

"Oh yeah… never mind that then." He grinned, and Rude just shook his head. He followed the redhead, who made his way over to another cage. He stopped and looked back at Rude, grinning. Rude stopped behind him.

"What?" Rude raised an eyebrow at Reno, who suddenly got that very disturbing light in his eye. Rude recognised that look and stepped back. "Reno…"

"CHOCOBO!" Reno suddenly exclaimed, reaching over and grabbing Rude's tie. He then started pulling Rude by his tie over to the cage, which held a fully grown green chocobo. It wasn't deformed or anything of the sort, so Hojo had probably not gotten a chance to mess around with the poor thing yet. Rude immediately backed away, and as Reno let go of his tie, he fell backwards. Rude sat up and scrambled away from the cage.

"Evil bird!" he yelled, causing Reno to laugh. The large bird gave a "WARK!" and Rude paled. Reno collapsed on the floor laughing, taking a few minutes to collect himself.

"Oh my god! That was great!" he sputtered, still trying to slow his laughter. Rude glared at the other Turk.

"Your death is going to be SO painful…" he growled, standing up and straightening his tie. He walked over to Reno and hauled him up roughly.

"Can I help you two?" Both the Turks looked over to see the scientist standing in the doorway, looking confused. Rude sighed and snatched the folder away from Reno, then dropped the redhead on the ground. He brushed himself off self-consciously and walked over to Hojo, and handed the folder to the professor.

"Papers from Tseng." He told Hojo, who took the folder slowly before nodding.

"Ah, yes, thank you, Rude." The insane scientist smiled and walked past him, over to one of the tables. He set the folder down and looked at a beaker. He paused for a moment, blinking several times. "What happened to my experiment?" He asked, looking at Rude, who shrugged. They both looked at Reno, who was laying on the ground, on his back. He was grabbing at the air above him.

"Stop the room… I want to get off." he said in a light, dazed voice. He then started giggling insanely, but stop suddenly to wince. Once the pain had faded, he started giggling again, like an amused child. Rude smacked his own forehead with his hand.

"Oh. My. God."

Hojo sighed before turning and starting to walk away. "I'll go get the stomach pump."

* * *

Y'know, the first thing my grade 10 science teacher said to uswas: "Don't drink the chemicals we use in our experiments." You have no idea how much that made me think of Reno. Finally, after so long, I get to teach everyone this lesson through the not-so-bright Turk! I hope it was still funny, like I said, my brain is dead.

Reviews! Booya, you guys are the best.

Nando the RPS King: No, he really doesn't XD But we love him anyways. Thanks again!

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: You can't deny thecoolness of Reno in eyeshadow! -cough- yeah... thanks for the review

TruebornChaos: Thank you! Truer words were never said. And the one time Reno wasn't being a pervert, be paid dearly for it. XD Poor guy.

Random Reno Fangirl 05: Peacocks are PURE evil! I got attacked by one once. Aw,I missed you while you were gone! I hope you had a good trip.Oh, and I love the new fic, very well done! I shall review when I stop being lazy, I promise. Thanks again!


	13. Is Tseng

Hello again! Yes, I have braved through the endless piles of homework to bring you another chapter! This chappie may seem shorter, that's because I'm just running out of time! I'm sorry guys, I'm trying really heard to keep this story going, and keep the humor alive. I hope you guys still like it.

Just as a note: About the whole "Gay" thing that Reno goes on about... I am in NO way homophobic! Quite the opposite XD. So, just so nobody gets offended, it's all in humor (attempted humor)

Disclaimer: All the characters are belong to Square. ((Sandy (Random Reno Fangirl 05's muse) is mentioned very briefly, too))

* * *

Rude knocked on the door to Tseng's office, and waited for a moment for the usual permission to enter. When he was rewarded with no such thing, he knocked again. After a moment of more silence, he decided to try the doorknob, but sighed when he found the door was locked.

"Oh, how convenient." he huffed before turning and walking down the hall. Tseng was never late, he was almost always early. And yet, it was now almost ten, and no sign of the Turk leader. Rude walked into the office he shared with Reno and sat at his desk, throwing the folder in a drawer. He looked over to see Reno fighting with the coffee machine. The bald man raised an eyebrow.

"It's only ten and you're conscious? Wow."

Reno waved an unpleasant gesture in his partner's direction while he continued struggling with the machine. Rude smiled and walked over, pulling Mag out of Reno's grasp as the smaller man was about to hit the coffee maker with it. He then got the coffee going, and pat Reno on the head.

"Calm down before you hurt yourself." As he handed the weapon back to Reno, he smirked. "I personally wouldn't care if you did, but that's a good coffee maker, there." He then walked back to his desk and sat down.

"Why are you such a smart-ass today?" Reno growled, sitting down at his own desk and twirling his EMR as he waited for the coffee to be ready. Rude shrugged.

"Why are you such a smart-ass everyday?"

"Ah, touché."

Rude started to sort through papers, sighing. "Have you seen Tseng?" He asked as he looked for his pen.  
"Nope, didn't he leave on a mission last night or something? Rufus was talking to him before I left for the night." Reno responded, eyes locked on the coffee maker like his life depended on consuming the energy-giving substance. Rude sighed.

"No, Rufus wanted Tseng to spend the evening with him. Apparently the assassination threats are getting worse." He said, still searching for the pen. "I thought he'd be back by now."

Reno suddenly started laughing. Rude straightened up and watched his friend for a good minute, one eyebrow raised.

"What the hell?"  
"I KNEW it!" Reno exclaimed, pounding a fist on the desk triumphantly. "It just clicked now! I freaking knew it!" Rude blinked a couple times.

"Saying you know anything may be giving yourself a little too much credit, Reno." He commented, shaking his head.

"Bite me, I figured it out before you!" Reno's response was very childish, accented by him sticking out his tongue.

"If it's about your sexuality, the whole office is way ahead of you."

"No, you moron!" Reno huffed, standing up and walking over to the coffee machine. "Tseng! It all adds up!"

"What about Tseng?" Rude's question was asked for him as Elena's head popped through the doorway. It didn't freak either of the two men out, it was hard to mention their leader without Elena wanting in the conversation, Rude was still looking at the redhead, confused.

"I think he likes Tseng…"

"NO! I'm not gay, damnit!" Reno growled. "God, you're thick. I mean Tseng! He's gay!"

Rude and Elena exchanged confused and slightly horrified looks. Rude stood, seeing Elena go red.

"He didn't mean it, 'Lena." he told the blonde, afraid she would attack Reno. Reno just laughed.

"Think about it!" He said as he made himself and Rude both a cup of coffee. He walked passed Elena and handed one cup to Rude. He turned back to the female Turk, smirking. "You've been after his ass for how long? And he hasn't even reacted to it." Elena sort of slumped her shoulders.

"Yeah, I'll just go cry now." Reno waved a hand to silence her.

"And yet he treats Rufus like a freaking God, and all of this "Body Guard" work overnight." He did exaggerated air quotes with his free hand. "He hasn't been on a date in a couple years, right Rude?"

Rude was forced to agree, it was true. "Yeah, but he is so into his job, he never has time for dating." he sighed. "Reno, he's not gay."

"But wait, there's more!" Reno exclaimed in one of those annoying infomercial voices. He stepped back over to his desk and smirked after a sip of coffee. "You can't forget the hair." He pointed out, using his hand to show the length of Tseng's hair. "Has more products in it than a woman would consider buying in a year's time!"

Rude shook his head. "First of all, wutaiian men usually have long hair. And no straight man says 'product' when referring to hair stuff." He smirked at Reno. "Man, you wish Tseng was gay."

"Ah, but my dear friends." Reno said, ignoring Rude's comment. "He fusses over his clothes and hair, more than Elena does! Vain? No. Self-conscious? Probably. Trying to impress Rufus?" He slammed his fist on his desk again. Pens and paper jumped slightly from the impact. "Bingo!"

Rude and Elena both sighed. "Reno, you're insane." Elena sighed. Reno was still persistent.

"Am I insane? Or am I the only one who's caught on to Rufus and Tseng?"

Rude seemed to ponder this for a moment. "Wait… yeah, you're insane." He sighed before taking a sip of coffee. Reno just laughed.

"It's so obvious! Tseng and Rufus are screwing!"

At that, Rude sputtered out his coffee, and started choking. Elena rushed over and hit him on the back a few times. "Breathe, Rude!"

The bald man coughed for a minute before he managed to collect himself. "I'm good." he croaked. "Thanks, 'Lena." Elena nodded and sat on the edge of Rude's desk. They both looked back at Reno.

"If you put half as much effort into work as you did this…" Elena sighed. "Give it up. Tseng is straight."

"Straight as a slinky!" Reno snorted. "Please, this whole overnight bodyguard thing is getting repetitive. He has Sandy anyway! Why would he ask Tseng to spend the night with him?"

"Okay, Reno." Rude said, raising a hand to silence the redhead. "I've had enough mental images for one day." He then stood up and walked towards the door.

"Rude? Where are you going?" Elena asked, standing as well. Rude stopped at the door, looking back.

"I'm going to go find some chemicals. I'm going to consume enough to make me black out and forget all I just heard." His voice had complete honesty in it. Elena nodded and followed as he walked out.

"Wait, save some for me!"

As the two walked down the hall, they passed Tseng. The dark haired man nodded at them and greeted them good morning as he passed. The two slowed to a stop and looked back at the retreating figure of their boss. They both stared for a long time before looking at each other.

"Can you see it?"

"Sadly, yes."

* * *

Oh yes, I'm gonna get flamed like crazy XD Hey, don't hate me, Tseng/Rufus is smexy! Ooh boy, you guys are gonna kill me -sweatdrop- aren't you?

Reviews! Aww, you guys are awesome.

Nando the RPS King: Oh yes, Rude was quite caught off guard! And I forewarded your advice to my friend, and quite oddly, they spent an etire class trying to get him to say it! They still have yet to achieve that, but I'll let you know if they do XD It's becoming a school-wide joke. Anywhoo, thanks again!

Akiraine of Gia: Wow, that was the longest Review I've ever gotten! It had me laughing for the past few days! Thank you, thank you, thank you! That was an awesome review, I feel so special! I Think Reno failed any entrance IQ test, and they hired him because he's so luffable! And also, roosters are effing EVIL! I got pecked in the foot by one... I was wearing flip-flops. Freaking ow! Well, review again, please, and thanks a million!

bonzojones: Aww, thank you! That made me feel good. I'm always unsure about my writing skills, thanks! -hugs-

TruebornChaos: Thanks for the review. About Vincent, I just assumed they would know through rumors, and they have prabably met the ex-Turk when confronting AVALANCHE sometime or another. -shrug- but thanks for pointing it out. Thanks for the billionth time XD

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Yes, Reno is so mean! Why Rude hasn't shot him... that's a mystery to me. And yes, stupid school -shakes fist- evil! I'm glad it made you smile, if I can make one person do that, it makes all my work worth it :D Thanks again!

Random Reno Fangirl 05: Wow, a muse of sanity? -pokes Derek- does he exist? O.o lol, and Reno is hot, and it makes up for his...uhh... lack of brain cells? Ah well, we luff him for it. Hope you don't mind me mentioning Sandy again... or implying thatRufus and Tseng are sleeping around XD Ah, there's the fangirl in me showing again. Oh, and about that experiment he drank... it was purple and glowing, when I asked Rude, he said he didn't have a freaking clue. He thought he saw a twitching tenticle in it, too.


	14. Hair?

Guess what I saw yesderday... ADVENT CHILDREN! Booya! My life is complete! Don't worry, I won't rant XD I jsut want to say how increadable Reno and Rude were. They were exactly how I imagined them. At times serious, but extremely goofy. They were the comic relief of the movie. Seeing Reno accidently smack Rude in the face with his EMR (which was thankfully turned off) and send him to the ground made me fall over laughing. Seriously. I fell over. -points at bruise- It was the best thing I've ever seen.In the movie, those two (and all the other characters) were scripted, voiced and characterized very VERY well!

Anyway...

Yet another chapter! I got this idea while thinking about what colour to dye my hair. I started thinking about cool hair in games, and I thought of Rude, and his lack of hair. I thought "How would everyone else react if Rude showed up with hair?" Tada! Here it is! Reno may seem increadably dumb, but that's because I'm over giddy and hyper today. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All Characters are belong to Square

* * *

Reno sat back in his chair, feet up on the desk in a relaxed manner. He held a pen in one hand, and was doodling on the palm of the other. He had the pen cap held securely between his teeth, which he occasionally chewed on out of habit. He glanced at the clock, which read 11:34. Lunch seemed so far away, and Rude wasn't around to annoy. Lucky Rude had been sent on some sort of deadly mission for a whole week, and Reno was stuck here in the boring office. It was Friday, and his partner was supposed to be back before lunch. But the man was nowhere to be found. 

God, he was so bored.

As he finished the weird design on his hand, he sighed, causing a light whistle as the warm air of his exhale ran through he pen cap. Reno paused and straightened up. He exhaled through the pen cap again, discovering he had a makeshift whistle on his hands. He smirked and stood up. Immediately knowing his plans for the next twenty-six minutes until lunch, he took his new whistle and ran out of the office.

Ten minutes later, Reno dragged his feet back into the office, defeated. Annoying the other two Turks was just no fun. Tseng ordered him to get out from behind his office plant, and Elena just threw a book at him. And it had to be hard cover, didn't it? He plopped down on his chair and tossed the pen cap onto his desk. It was then he noticed someone was sitting at Rude's desk. It didn't look like Rude. Reno slowly stood up.

"Hey! What're you doing here?" he asked, feeling around for his EMR. The man looked his from the assortment of files on the desk. He had strangely coloured, dark purple hair, that had a slight curl to it.

"Reno, it's me." he said in a familiar voice, also standing up.

"Seriously, who are you?" Reno asked, discouraged he couldn't find his weapon. The man raised an eyebrow. He did look oddly familiar, but Reno couldn't figure it out

"Reno, are you that thick?" the strange man asked. "It's me, Rude!"

"LIES!" Reno exclaimed, pointing at the stranger, who just sighed and shook his purple-haired head. "SECRETS AND LIES!"

"You are a moron." Rude said. He pulled a pair of sunglasses out of his blazer pocket and put them on. "There, any better?"  
Reno gasped and hurled a stapler at the man, who caught it and managed to avoid getting a staple in the hand. "You stole his shades! You killed him, you bastard!"

"Reno, what's going on…" Elena walked in, trailing off as she saw Rude. She didn't recognise him as her fellow Turk, but a very handsome man with unique hair. When he saw Elena's face turn a light shade of pink, Rude groaned. Elena smiled. "Who are you?"

"Is everyone extra stupid today? I'm Rude!" he replied in a frustrated voice.

"You sure are, speaking like that to a lady!" Elena huffed.

"No, Elena." Rude sighed, rubbing his temples to dull down an emerging headache. "I am your fellow Turk, Rude. I work here, I am Reno's partner."

"You wish!"  
"WORK partner!"

Elena blinked several times. "But… Rude doesn't have any hair." she pointed out. Rude sighed again and sat down on the edge of his desk.

"On the mission, I didn't have time to shave my head. And for some reason, my hair has always grown at a fast rate." he looked at the two, who still seemed unconvinced. He groaned. "Is my bald head the only way you recognise me?"

Reno watched him for a moment with narrow, observing eyes. He stepped closer to the purple haired man. He took his glasses and lowered them, looking at his familiar blue eyes. Reno then gasped.

"You stole his eyes, too!" He accused, pointing at Rude again. Rude twitched and caught his sunglasses before they fell.

"Elena, please tell me you're not magically as stupid as him and that you believe me." Rude said, half begging. The female Turk walked over to him and pushed Reno aside as the redhead was about to crack Rude over the head with his coffee mug.

"Yeah, I believe you." she said, sighing. Reno, however, was not convinced. He glared at the 'impostor' and pointed again.

"To prove you are Rude, you must pass the ultimate test!" he announced dramatically. Rude smacked his forehead with his palm.

"Elena, I told you to make sure he didn't watch too much television while I was gone." he muttered at the blonde Turk, who shrugged.

"I tried, I really did."

"Silence!" Reno ordered, causing the two to look at him like he was insane, which was probably accurate. Reno brought his face inches from Rude's again and held there for a moment, not even breathing.

"Uh, Reno-"  
"WARK!"

At Reno's chocobo impersonation, Rude yelled a curse and fell over onto the floor. Reno nudged him with his foot, watching the bigger man twitch. Elena watched with amazement and a bit of pity as Rude lay on the floor, growling death threats. Reno's eyes lit up, and when Rude stood up, he tackled him down in a hug.

"Aw, Rude! You're back!"

"Yeah, lucky me." Rude grumbled as he stood, twitching again. He looked to Elena. "Reno wasn't this stupid when I left, what happened?"

Elena laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "Well, a little while ago, I kinda pegged him in the head with a book…" she explained. Rude shook his head.

"That can't be it, I do that all the time."

"No, it was a dictionary. Hardcover edition." Elena said quietly. Rude winced a little upon hearing that as he kicked Reno off.

"Just bludgeon him with something until he's back to normal, then. I'm going to go see Tseng." Rude said, walking towards the door.

"Wait, that'll make it worse!" Elena protested, turning to him. Rude smiled.

"Nope, it works. I speak from experience." He then walked down the hall over to Tseng's office. He knocked on the door after straightening his tie.

"Come in." his boss called, blessing Rude with a voice of sanity in this office. Rude walked in and over to Tseng's desk.

"Hey, Boss. I'm back." He said, his sentence slowing when he saw Tseng's face. It showed confusion and suspicion, and the Turk leader stood up.

"Who are you?" he demanded in a serious voice. Rude twitched.

"God, I hate this company." he growled before turning and walking out of the office. Screw this, he was going home to shave.

* * *

There it is! I hope you liked it. Don't mind Reno's extreme stupidity, I don't know how it turned out liek that XD Oh, and aboutt he colour of Rude's hair. Purple was the colour I described his natural hair colour to be in the very first chapter. It was one of the first jokes in the whole story. So, yeah, just so nobody goes "wtf, purple?" 

Reviews! Booya, you guys rock!

Nando the RPS King: Oh yes, Reno is insane witht his theories. I do feel bad for Elena, she must be so crushed. It's all in fun though... well, not for her. And also, now almost everyone inmy friends class is trying to get the teacher to say 'precious specimen', and they're still trying XD Good times. Thank you!

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Poor Tseng, he'd kill Reno seven times over if he found out. However, it may be true... -gets shot- ehh, yeah. Thanks for the review!

TruebornChaos: I really can't blame them, it's thier boss, after all! Especially Elena, she might force some down Reno's throat. And Yes, that one quote from Vincent had me giggling for days. I think it sparked all the Cid/Vin theory. Not a bad theory, if I do say so myself X3 Thanks again!

Akiraine of Gia: Actually, "Luffable" is jsut how I say loveable XD I don't know what it really means. And Sorry for mentioning the pairing you hate so much -sweatdrop- hope it didn't ruin the story for you! ...and wait, cleavage man? -shudder- wrong, just WRONG! I'm having nightmares now, too! Wow, your reviews are long! I wish I could write an equally long reply, to show you how much I appreciate it! You're awesome, and your reviews make me giggle and give me motivation! Thanks a billion!

Random Reno Fangirl 05: Yaoi makes the world go round X3 In fact, I like those pairings you said you preferred, too, but I simply can't resist Tseng/Rufus (Reno/Rude is a guilty pleasure of mine, too) I think your new fic opened my eyes to Yuri... certanly is differant. Might give it a try later on! And uhh... no dying of hyperventalation... I'd miss your reviews and fanfics! Poor Derek... so abused... Anywhoo, thanks again!


	15. Rude's Bad Day

Wow, I'm sorry my updates are getting slower. School sucks. I'm trying my best to keep this going, because so amny seem to like it. I have quite a few more ideas, but I fear this ficmay end at twenty. -shrug- only time will tell. I hope you guys like this one. We've all had a couple bad days in our lives, then there's those days that just royally suck. I had one the other day, and I thought it would be a nice idea for this fic. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square.

* * *

Of course his alarm clock had to magically go off at three in the morning, and it had to be impossible to fall asleep again. The heating in the building just had to be dead that morning, and his shower of course decided to spontaneously change temperatures from time to time. By some cruel act of the Planet, his car had to refuse to start, and it had to be a mini blizzard outside, too. And just like someone was pulling a joke, the bus had to be delayed too. 

As Rude trudged through the dirty slush down the sidewalk, glancing up at the building beside his apartment's. He saw the 'closed for renovation' sign and let out a growl. Starbucks, hath thou forsaken him too? He continued down the street, the wind whipping between the tall buildings and blowing snow in his face. He shivered under his coat and shoved his hands in his pockets, letting his briefcase hang from his wrist. The man wished he had bothered to dig up his hat, because his head was freezing cold, most likely thanks to his lack of hair.

Eventually, Rude made his way to work, feeling frozen to the bone. He stiffly walked into the building and shed his soaking wet coat. He made it to the elevators and paused as he read the taped up paper saying 'Out of Service'. He stormed over to the stairs and climbed the countless steps up to his office floor. Huffing, he reached the right floor and dragged his feet to his office. He sank into his chair and sighed. Finally.

"Rude." Tseng's sharp call snapped him out of his short moment of relaxation. The bald man looked up at his boss, his heart sinking a little at the unimpressed look on his face. "Why are you late?"

"Sir," Rude straightened up, swallowing the lump in his throat. "My car broke down, and the bus never arrived. I'm sorry, I would have called, but my phone died." He told Tseng, suddenly realising how weird that string of events seemed. As if to ice the cake, Tseng scowled a little.

"Hopefully next time you'll be a little more careful with your time."

"Yes, Sir." Rude replied quietly, his shoulders slumping. Reno usually stumbled into the office at ten at the earliest, how come Tseng never acknowledged that? He watched Tseng leave and he hit his head on the desk a couple times. "God, it can't get any worse…"

"RUDE!"

"Aw, nerts." He mumbled, looking up in time to see Reno skid into the office, looking very proud of himself. He had a huge grin on his face, which suddenly darkened Rude's mood.

"'Bout time you came in!" the redhead exclaimed, walking over to his friend's desk. "Have too much fun last night?"

"No, really bad day." Rude replied, his voice just as dark as his mood. Reno prodded him in the side of the head, but the bigger man made no movement. After a moment, Reno removed his sunglasses and waved a hand in front of his blank eyes. Still no movement, Rude's eyes didn't even move.

"Woah, Rude, who put tranquilizer in your coffee?"

"I didn't get any coffee. Starbucks is closed." Rude's voice was in monotone, and he looked about half dead. Reno gasped over-dramatically.

"Oh noes! You didn't get your fancy beverage?"

"Nope."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Car break down again?"

"Mhmm…" Rude was starting to doze off, with his arms folded over his desk and his chin resting on them. To be honest, he was exhausted, and just wanted to curl up and sleep. He closed his eyes, answering Reno's long string of questions as it continued on. Reno was asking questions continuously, and when he realised Rude was almost out of it, he leaned down a little.

"Can I bite you?" He asked innocently, setting down Rude's glasses beside his head.

"Mhmm." Came Rude's response, clearly because he had no clue what Reno had actually asked him. When he felt a sharp pain in his arm, the bald man let out a yelp and sat up abruptly. He snapped his eyes open and looked over to see Reno doubled over with laughter.

"What the hell, Reno?"

"You said I could bite you!"

Rude twitched several times before standing up, rubbing his arm, which was starting to throb. "Reno, shouldn't you be doing something more worth your time? Like swallowing a handful of thumbtacks?"

Reno smirked at his friend, causing him to twitch again. "But this is so much more amusing!"

"Reno, you have five seconds before I dismember you…"

After finally getting Reno to leave him alone (a.k.a. flee for his life), and getting some coffee into his system, Rude settled down and started working for a couple hours. Of course, just to go along with the rest of the day, half of his files had to be missing or left back at home. When he was frustrated to the point where he was about to light his desk on fire, Reno's head popped into the office.

"Hey, man. I'm going down to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. Want anything?" He asked. Rude looked up at Reno from his work.

"No thanks I-" Rude stopped mid sentence, was silent for a moment, then started hitting his head on the desk again. He let out a string of frustrated curses, much to Reno's amusement.

"Forgot your lunch?"

"I fucking hate life."

Reno laughed, despite the seriousness in Rude's voice. "I'll go get you something. My treat."

"Thanks, man." Rude sighed, watching Reno turn and walk down the hall. He then resumed sorting through endless amounts of paper. After what seemed like forever Reno came back to the office, and flung a paper bag of some greasy fast food on Rude's desk.

"Sorry I took so long. You don't want to know what they were serving in the caf." he told Rude before sitting down behind his own desk and tearing into his meal.

Rude smiled a little as he opened the bag. "No problem. What was it?" He asked as he unwrapped the foil around his hamburger. Reno gave a shrug.

"I'm betting it was a failed experiment." he said, his voice meaning all seriousness. "It was all pink and green, and kinda mushy." he wrinkled his nose a little. "I swear to god I saw it twitch."

"You're kidding." Rude blinked at his partner, who shook his head.

"Go look if you don't believe me."

Rude just shuddered. Leave it to this company to serve such a thing in their cafeteria. As they ate their lunch, Rude's mood seemed to lighten up a bit. Despite the forming bruise on his forehead from having hit it off the desk so many times, the previous day's events were being forgotten.

Suddenly Elena walked by the open door, huffing a little and grumbling bitterly to herself about the elevator. Never hearing Elena swear that much in their lives, both Reno and Rude looked over to the doorway, blinking in shock. Suddenly, Reno started laughing, almost passing his drink through his nose.

"I can't believe it!" he exclaimed between fits of laughter.

"Yeah…" Rude managed, still in shock. Despite having a job that consisted of killing and abducting people, Elena was usually quite lady-like. Until a moment ago, he could count the number of times she swore on one hand.

Reno sat up, still laughing. "No, I mean people are still taking the stairs!"

"What?" Rude tilted his head a little, confused. Reno look back at him and burst into more laughter.

"People are still falling for it! I put up those fake'out of service' signs up on the elevators hours ago! God, this company is full of stupid people!" He then fell out of his chair laughing.

He would have punched him, he would have kicked him, he would have crushed every one of his bones into a powdery substance, but all Rude could do was twitch.

* * *

Yeah, I might be loosing my touch. Oh well, I'm working hard to keep this going, have faith in me! Poor Rude, sometimes I think I abuse him too much. I abuse because I love! 

Reviews! Seriously, guys, you're too good to me.

Akiraine of Gia: Your reviews make my day. I must admit, Vincent is nothing less than teh secks in Advent Children. Seriously, You think I was a fangirl before... Anywhoo! I suggest you watch Advent Children ASAP, because it's nothing less than Godly. Download it, buy a bootlegged copy, anything! Just watch it! I command you! Oh, and about Reno's stupidity, your theory might be right. However, nobody knows exactly what makes him tick... Thanks for reviewing again!

Nando the RPS King: Aw, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! I'm glad you remember the purple hair, I was afraid everyone would think I was insane. not like that would be an inaccurate assumption, but you get my point. And You MUST see Advent Children. If you like this fic, you'll love Reno and Rude in the movie. And that is only a smallfraction of the awesomeness of that film. See it. Now. Anyways, thanks again!

TruebornChaos: Thanks! I'm glad you liked that quote, I actually like it too. I'm a harsh self-critic, so that must count for something. You watch Advent Children! You'll love it. Anyone who knows FFVII willat least likeit, without a doubt. And a FFVII anime? that would rock! I'll see what I can find out about that. Thanks again! (P.S. and about that Vincent quote, he did say "roomS", but we all knew what he meant XD)

Random Reno Fangirl 05: Geeze, nobody who reviewed has seen Advent Children! Wow, you need to see it. Reno and Rude are hilarious, and I can't find a single thing I didn't like about the rest of the movie. Well, I'm glad you liked the chapter! Reno's stupidness may not show much this time, but I can garentee it int he future! And Tifa/Elena... hmm... kinda of hard to thread into a realisticstory (like you did in your fic, which I love... update!) but I like it! I really do! Thanks for the review! (Poor Derek -sweatdrop-)

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Oh yeah, very sexy Rude X3 I'm such a fangirl. Reno's stupidity isn't this obvious this time, but there's a hint of evil genious to him, when he actually makes an effort. Reno's stupidness last chappie was all Elena's fault. Have you ever been hit in the headby a dictionary? It hurts! Garenteed to destory brain cells. Thanks for the review!

Asellas: Thank you! Of course there will be more -plots- I have more ideas, and everyone's reviews keep me motivated! Thanks again!


	16. Distractions

My formal apologies! I wasn't able to get on the computer for a few days, so my updates got held back! Well, I bring you another chapter, finally! I hope you like it, it's based of soemthing that happened to me during a job interview! I kid you not! It may be a little short, but meh, I actually like it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square.

* * *

"And we can't afford to loose him this time." Tseng said in a very serious tone, standing up and walking away from his desk. He looked at Elena and Rude, who nodded obediently. "This man has been a threat to the company for months, and now that we know where he is, we have to strike immediately. No excuses for failure." He stopped at the tall window of his office, looking at the smoggy city below. After a moment the wutaiian man looked back at the two. "None whatsoever." His voice was dark, showing the truth in his speech. 

Elena nodded again, feeling smaller under Tseng's serious eyes. Rude sat still, hidden eyes following his boss as he walked around them. He took a step towards the front of the office, then turned to face them, so his back was to the open doorway. His neat eyebrows furrowed slightly. "And where the hell is Reno?" he asked as he looked at Rude. If anyone knew where the insane redhead was, he would.

However, as Rude turned in his chair to face his superior, he looked uncertain. "I don't know sir. He fled when I mentioned the word meeting."

Elena, who had also turned, glanced at Rude. "Fled?" she and Tseng both asked at the same time.

The bald man nodded lightly. "Fled like a little girl, pushing over Scarlett and Palmer as he passed them."

Tseng sighed and shook his head. "Then please inform him of this mission." His face got that deadly serious look to it again. "This is a very important mission, I hope I can count on you three." When he said that, as if fate had a sick sense of humour, Reno's head popped into view, a wide grin on his face. Rude held his breath, as did Elena, both knowing Tseng would give him hell. However, since he was not facing the doorway, Tseng did not see the other Turk.

Reno waved at them crazily, still grinning. Rude suppressed a groan. What was he going to do?

"I cannot stress the seriousness of this." Tseng went on. "I want you to take the helicopter to Junon…"

Elena and Rude were barely listening, since they were too busy biting their tongues and trying to keep from shuddering with silent laughter. Reno stood in the doorway, standing in the same upright, proper manner as their boss, imitating him silently. He mouthed Tseng's words, looking professional in an exaggerated way. He even pulled a marker from his pocket and drew a tiny dot on his forehead, just like Tseng's birthmark. Rude's face was turning a bit red, and was trying to focus on Tseng rather than the idiot behind him.

"Once you get off the boat in Costa de Sol, You will proceed to Cosmo Canyon…" Tseng continued, completely oblivious to Reno's actions. Reno had now broken out into random dancing, liking the fact that even Elena was trying to hide the tears of suppressed laughter that were rolling down her face.

"Elena, are you alright?" Tseng suddenly asked, noticing her red face and tears. Elena fanned her face with her hand a bit, as she collected herself.

"Allergies." She bluffed, nodding. "Sorry, sir."

Reno stopped his booty-shaking dance and doubled over in silent laughter, trying so hard not to make a sound. Tseng, still not catching on, continued his instructions.

"Once you find him, you must bring him back. I don't want to see 'death' on the report unless it is accompanied with 'suicide', you hear me?" Rude nodded and glanced at the door again, thankful for the dark lenses that hid his eyes. Reno was gone for a moment, but soon appeared with a piece of paper and the same marker he had used earlier. He scribbled on it for a moment before turning it towards them. He held out the messily scrawled message for the others to see.

The words 'TSENG + RUFUS' in a heartwas written on the paper. Both Elena and Rude shuddered with silent laughter, trying to be as subtle as possible. It was surprising Elena had found it amusing, since Reno's theory on that relationship had almost killed her. Reno grinned and silently ran out of view again, but soon sped past the doorway on his rolling chair, waving as he did. Rude and Elena both silently collected themselves as they looked back at Tseng, who still had not caught on.

"This man has been stealing Mako for months, and if we don't stop him, this company could be in serious trouble. So we must take this seriously." He stressed his last word. Humorous irony held a tight grip on that moment as Reno sped by again, spinning his chair.

"I am putting my utmost faith in you, your skills, and ability to work as a team."

Reno sped by again.

"The company could very well depend on the success of this mission."

The rolling chair raced by once again, empty, much to the other Turks' amusement. Reno silently ran back into view and took a bow.

"Rude! Elena!" Tseng's sharp voice snapped their attention back. "Are you listening?"

"Yes sir!" they both said immediately, straightening up and looking at him. Reno silently laughed again and made the whip motion with his hand. Elena, seeing this, gritted her teeth a little, but managed to keep her attention on Tseng.

"All three of you will leave first thing Monday morning." Tseng went on, still completely oblivious. "And you are not to return until you have found and captured this man."

Reno dissapeared and came back with another sheet of paper, and wrote another message on it. He showed it to them.

'BAD GUY EQUALS PWNED!'

Rude and Elena were starting to loose the battle with their laughter, but were hiding it as best they could. Reno, who suddenly got a wider grin, turned the sheet around to reveal another message:

'WARK!'

Rude twitched, much to the redhead's amusement. Tseng stopped talking and sighed.

"Reno, are you going to come join us, or stand outside and act like an idiot for another twenty minutes?" he asked calmly, not even turning to look at him. Reno froze in the middle of a mock kung-fu kick, and stared at his boss's back in shock. Rude and Elena stared at their boss as well, with wide eyes. All three blinked at the dark-haired man for a dreadfully long, silent moment. Elena eventually swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Sir, how did-" she started, but was cut off by Tseng raising his hand to silence her. A small smile graced his lips.

"That's why I'm the boss."

* * *

There you have it. It's based loosely on what happened to me when applying for a job at a resteraunt. I was talking to the manager, and just outside the door, this little kid starting dancing! and The manager was completely oblivious the whole time, since his back was to him. I think I burst a lung trying not to laugh. Anywhoo, I hope you liked it! 

Reviews! Booya! You guys rock.

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Oh, Reno is getting closer to death every day... Rude will just snap at a random time, and just totally break him. Ah, so much love between them. Don't worry, Rude will have a good day soon enough! Thank you so much, again.

Nando the RPS King: Poor, poor Rude XD I'm glad you don't mind my lack of updates, it eases the pressure alot. And I must download all this new FFVII stuff, there's just so much! -dies- Anywhoo, thanks!

TruebornChaos: XD I think you're theory is right. Rude is the saner one, and Tseng doesn't want to loose his best Turk. But we all Love Rude, and he'll have at least one good day soon enough, I can ensure that! Thanks a million!

bonzojones: Aw, thanks, I'm glad you like it! I feel so loved! Rude twitches alot... I blame it on Reno XD Thanks again!

Akiraine of Gia: X.x Lord, you write long reviews! I love it! thank you so much! And I have had similar incidents with food, including melting a plastic fork while making Mac and cheese. Ohh yes, mother was happy about that one! And that sucks to hear about Advent Children! I hope you get to see it soon, it's seriously amazing (worth buying a PSP for XD) And to Answer your questions, Cait Sith is in the movie, he rides on RedXIII's back.You hear a voice message Reeve left on Cloud's cell phone, so he is sort of in it. Also, Elena is indeed in the movie! I could go into detail about that, but then you'd hate me for giving away spoilers to you! Oh, yes... -twitches- Reno does say 'yo' alot. I found myself yelling "YOU'RE NOT BLACK!" at him XD But, we love him anyway! Anyway, although I am not on holidays, I wish you a very happy vacation! Thanks a million!

Orphen27: Aww, thank you! I'm so glad you like my work! Lots more chapters to come!

CelticPhantom: XD I don't blame you for that! Seriously, how can you NOT love them? And wow, that review made me feel SO good about my writing! Thank you so much, you have no idea how much it means to me. You're so kind!


	17. No Needles!

Another chapter for you all! Sorry if it seems like I've been slacking off, I'm sick! I'm trying my best to update my fics as much as I can. Bare with me, I'm struggling.

In my other ongoing fic, there is a chapter where Reno gets a series of suspicious injections, and it mentions how much he hates needles. Although in that more serious fic, he took it like a man, it made me think. What sorts of difficulties would he cause in THIS fic? If he put up such a struggle over yucky medicine in earlier chapters, how would he react with needles? The thought made me giggle. Now, I have a new chapter about it! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square

* * *

Rude heaved a sigh as he entered his office, mentally preparing himself for what would be a day from hell. He walked through the door, and as he did, a paper ball bounced off his bald head and dropped into the garbage pail beside him. 

"BOOYA! Two points!"

Rude twitched. "Reno, remind me why I haven't killed you yet?" he growled lightly while walking to his desk. He sat down with another sigh, setting his suitcase down.

"It may have something to do with your undying love for me." The redhead across the room said smugly, grinning. Rude blinked at him for a moment. He seemed perfectly fine, did he not know what day this was? Why wasn't he trying to sneak out, or hide in his desk drawer? He usually did something of the sort on this day, every year. Once a year all of Shinra received vaccinations. It was a simple booster shot, but Reno always made it difficult. He had a crippling fear of needles, and wouldn't let anyone evenmention them around him.

"Umm… yeah, that must be it." He rolled his eyes, figuring Reno had forgotten. That was a good thing, and it would be better not to remind him. Rude started flipping through paperwork silently for a moment before Elena appeared at the door.

"Hey, Tseng want's us to head down to the lab now." She said, walking into the middle of the office and sighing lightly.. Rude froze for a second. Oh, crap.

"For what?" Reno spun his chair around to look at Elena, eyebrows raised.

Despite Rude's insanely desperate gestures for her to shut up, Elena just had to answer. "For the vaccines. Remember?"

There was a moment of dead, calm silence, and Reno's skin lost all colour. Rude stood up.

"Elena, quick! Close the door!" he barked urgently, but before either of them could react, Reno was gone. All that was left of him was his chair spinning in it's place, and his fading footsteps as he raced down the hall. Rude cursed and ran to the door, looking out just in time to see the other man turn the corner at the other end of the hallway. Elena stared at the spinning chair as it slowed to a stop.

"What the hell was that about?" she inquired looking lost and confused. Rude reached over and pulled her out of the office and made her follow him as he walked to Tseng's office at a quickened pace.

"Reno hates needles more than anything, every year we have to deal with this. It seems he forgot until you mentioned it." Rude explained. Elena just blinked several times.

"It can't be that bad, can it?" she asked, although knowing how unpredictable Reno could be. Rude sighed and ran a hand over his bald head.

"Last time he hid in the janitor's closet for five hours. When I tried to drag him out, be beat me with a mop."

Elena winced lightly. "Sorry I reminded him."

"Don't worry, we'll find him."

They quickened their pace and ran into Tseng's office without knocking. The dark-haired man looked up at them from his paperwork, his initial annoyed look fading into concern when he saw the panicked expression on Rude's face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, standing up from his chair.

"Reno ran off when he was reminded of the needles." Rude huffed lightly, with seriousness clear in his voice. Tseng sighed and shook his head.

"Sometimes I wonder if they hired him simply to make my life hell."

"Believe me, I've had that theory for years, sir."

There was suddenly a light thumping sound above them. The three Turks looked up at the ceiling, silent for a moment. It was a dull sound, like something was in between their floor and the one above.

"Don't tell me…" Elena trailed off as the thumping sound continued, seeming to move across the room.

"He's in the vents again." Rude groaned, shaking his head. Tseng sighed again and ran a ran over his face.

"Someone get the stick."

Elena nodded and ran off, fully knowing what Tseng meant. She came back a moment later with a meter stick, commonly used when this happened. She handed 'the stick' to Tseng, who stood on his chair and prodded to ceiling harshly. The thumping ceased for a moment.

"Reno!" he called in his most authoritative tone, which sent shivers down both of the other Turks' spines. "Get out of there!"

"No!" a voice could be heard through the ceiling, tinted with a stubborn, childish tone. Yes, it was definatly Reno.

"Don't make me send someone after you!" Tseng threatened, staring at the ceiling and prodding it again.

"I'm not coming out!"

Tseng groaned a little and stepped down from his chair. He set the tip of the stick on the ground and tapped it in an annoyed manner. "One of you two has to go in there and get him… again."

"Not me!" Elena piped up almost immediately.

"Not- DAMNIT!" Rude was half a second too slow. He growled something under his breath and shook his head. "You know I can barely fit in there, sir!"

"Well, I went last time, and there's spiders up there." Elena pointed out very matter-of-factly. "I hate spiders."

"Well, Reno's up there, and I hate Reno!" Rude insisted.

"Nice try, Rude. Go get him and take him straight to the lab." Tseng said with a sigh. "The sooner we get this over with, the better."

A very defeated Rude trudged out of the office and over to the utility room, where the biggest opening into the vents was. Elena stood behind him as he removed the metal vent and placed his sunglasses in his blazer pocket. She smiled lightly.

"Have fun."

Rude looked over his shoulder at her, his eyes narrowed slightly. "Don't push your luck."

Elena put her hands on her hips, still smiling. "Or else you'll do what, Rude?" She asked smugly. Rude sighed, once again defeated.

"Just get ready to catch him if he tries to climb out." He grumbled before crawling into the dusty air duct. He squeezed through the narrow passage as he crawled on his hands and knees. He made his way down the metal tunnel, ears alert for any sound of Reno. He suddenly sneezed several times.

"You okay, Rude?" Elena's voice called from the opening behind him, sounding more amused than concerned. He waved a cloud of dust from his face.

"I'm gonna bring a spider out and stick it down the back of your shirt." He called back, his voice bouncing off the narrow walls in an echo. He was rewarded with a short, faint 'eel' and smiled. He then continued on his way. After what seemed an eternity of searching, he heard some movement other than his own, and looked around a corner to see Reno crawling away. He turned the corner and quickened his pace. He heard Reno shout several curses as he turned another corner. Rude lunged and got a hold of the smaller man's shoe, which came off his foot, allowing the prey to scramble away. The shoe pegged Rude on the forehead and landed in front of him. He growled and threw it at Reno. He saw him turning another corner, and decided to cut him off. He backed up a bit and turned into another metal tunnel. His method proved effective as he ended up facing Reno, blocking his path to freedom.

"Well, shit…" Reno laughed nervously, looking like a child who had just been caught crushing crayons into the carpet. Rude glared and moved foreword in an attempt to grab him, but stopped. He blinked and tried to move again, but didn't. He looked back to see that he was stuck. The passage narrowed, trapping his midsection and preventing him from going any further. Reno noticed this and smirked.

"Rude, loose some weight!" He said slyly as he moved foreword. He stayed out of Rude's reach as he started laughing. Poor Rude gave up and slumped down, laying on the metal floor on his stomach.

"You're lucky you're so scrawny." He growled, looking at the other man. It wasn't the fact he was too heavy, it was merely his large muscular frame that kept him from advancing in the tunnel. After a moment he saw an opportunity and reached foreword as far as his arm could go, and snatched Reno's shirt collar. He dragged the smaller man with him as he backed up. He heard a light rip as the shirt tore from his harsh tug.

"Gee, Rude, I didn't know you wanted me that badly!" Reno laughed, despite the homicidal glare he was being given. Rude grabbed his hair and started dragging again. "Owowowowow fucking OW!" Reno whimpered as he was pulled out of the vent.

Elena saw Rude exit the tunnel backwards, dragging Reno with him. The smaller man was trying to scramble away, despite the strong grip on his hair. They were both covered in dust, and looking exhausted. Rude eventually let go of his hair, which Reno took as a chance to escape. He only got two strides in before he was tackled down around the waist by Elena. She pinned him down and took a careful, but firm hold of the back of his neck. After a moment, Reno was out cold. This happened in a matter of 2.14 seconds. Rude blinked at Elena as she stood.

"Nice…" he said, taken by surprise by her swift movement. He made a mental note to never anger her. He dusted himself off and sneezed again.

Elena smirked and pushed the unconscious Reno into Rude's arms. "I paid attention in training."

Rude slung Reno over his shoulder and placed him sunglasses back on top of his nose. "You should get an award for that. You probably saved a life."

"Who's?"

"Reno's" Rude sighed as he walked out of the room. The two made their way to the lab, Reno unconscious from the sleeper grip he had received from Elena. Rude couldn't help but smile. An hour and no major casualties. That had to be a record for injection days.

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There it is! I hope you liked it. Reno's over-reacting is created from my own attitude about needles. I hate them. If I COULD fit in the air ducts in my doctor's office, I would. and I wouldn't come out until they threw out every last needle. It's not medicine, it's assault! -shakes fist- 

Now, about last chapter, you guys seemed to have LOVED it! I'm amazed by how much good feedback I got. I want to say a special thank you outside the review section, because you are all so awesome! I hope future chapters will be as enjoyable as that one, although it seems unlikely.

Now for the reviews! Guys, you rule. Seriously.

Nando the RPS King: Oops? O.o sorry if you suffered from the breathing problems! I hate it when I laugh so hard that happens. But I'm glad you liked it that much! Thank you!

Spikeheila: I was actually planning something along those lines -evil plotting- thanks for the suggestion!

TruebornChaos: I think that procedure would be needed for him to be able to keep up with Reno. Tseng isn't a fool... or maybe Reno is predictable? Well, I'm glad it made your day! Thanks for reviewing again!

Dav J: O.O Wow, thank you! I feel so loved! I didn't think it would be as funny as everyone says! Thanks again!

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Oh no, Reno isn't going anywhere. However, the only thing keeping him alive is that Tseng wont let Rude kill him XD And by the way, I didn't get the job... I think the manager thought I was insane. I got a job somewhere else though. yay, money! Thanks for the review!

TheDonutMistress: Aww, thanks! Don't worry about not reviewing lately, it's alright. As long as you like it, that's all that matters to me. I'm so glad you like those chapters, those are some of my personal favourites too. Thank you SO much, you're kind reviews make me feel loved.

bonzojones: Wow, thanks! I'm glad you like it so much. You're so kind!

tifa-lockhart-27: -hugs back- thank you! More chapters to come, so don't worry, you'll get more.

digigirl132: Thanks, I'm so glad you liked it!

Akiraine of Gia: Wow X.X such long reviews! Thank you so much! Yes, that RUFUS+TSENG sign actually made me laugh whenI thought it up. I would kill to see a picture of that! Get a site and a scanner! Your friend kicked a hole in the library wall? XD that's too funny. And yes, I might make Tseng and Rufus find out Reno's theory, I promise it will be funny. Except not for them. Or Reno, he may not have any limbs left. And thanks for telling me about that site, I still have yet to go check it out. The company photo idea seems good, I might fit it into at least part of a chapter! It sounds so funny. God, your reviews are long! I love them, you're awesome. Thank you!

Cueball: I'm so happy you like it. I've read a lot of your work (which totally puts mine to shame, by the way), but not the Rude with hair fic. I'll go check it out!Thanks for the review!


	18. Annoying The Boss

Another chapter! Please excuse the slowness of my updates, I have two ongoing fics up at once, and people demand updates X.XI hope you like this one, I decided to give Tseng a bit of a hard time, because poor Rude always gets the abuse! And we abuse because we love, right? And we love Tseng, right? Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square

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Reno spun around in the large luxurious office chair, kicking at the floor with his feet. He spun around and around for the better part of five minutes, emitting the usual, childish "Whee!" as he did. As much as it looked dumb, it was actually very fun to sit in Tseng's chair and spin. Maybe that is what the Turk leader did all day in his office. He had to stop his spin when he became very dizzy. He swayed for a moment before sitting back into the chair. 

"Reno, get out of my chair." He heard Tseng sigh from the doorway. He looked at his boss, who seemed distorted and strange like the rest of the room was in his dizzy state. Reno just smiled at him.

"Yo, Boss. What's up?"

Tseng just sighed again and shook his head. He walked over to his desk and set down a bunch of file folders. "Why are you here?" Reno blinked up at him like he was insane.

"I work here, genius." He replied with a grin before spinning in the chair again. Tseng glared at him, but he did not notice it as the room swirled around him. "How come you get a nice chair? Mine's practically falling apart!"

Tseng rubbed his temples, figuring he would need lots of Advil today. "You're chair…" he started quietly, having to use every bit of willpower and temper control within him to keep him from killing the redheaded Turk. "Is falling apart because you threw it down several flights of stairs before lighting it on fire."

Reno stopped spinning, and considered Tseng's response for a moment. "Oh yeah…" he smiled innocently. "Well, it had to be purified, it had demons in it."

Tseng felt a twitch pull at his left eye. "You being so uncoordinated that you fall out of it five times a day doesn't mean it withholds demons, Reno."

"But how do we know that?"

"Because I know that you're an idiot." Tseng growled lightly. "Now get out of my chair." Suddenly, Tseng's telephone started ringing in front of Reno. There was a moment's pause before Tseng gave him a deadly look. "You're not answering that." he warned. Before he could react, Reno picked up the receiver and held it to his ear.

"Tseng's Man Whore Service! You pay we lay!" He chirped into the phone cheerfully. Tseng's face lost all colour.

"RENO!" Tseng and Rufus-who was on the other line- yelled at the same time. The enraged Turk leader made a grab for the phone, but Reno stood up and moved around the desk. He grinned widely.

"Ah, Mr. President! How can I help you?" the redhead asked casually, as if he was not being chased around the desk by his boss.

"Reno, give me the phone!" Tseng snarled from across the desk. His face, previously pale white, was now red with rage. Reno chuckled and cupped a palm over the mouthpiece of the phone, as if not wanting to interrupt his conversation with Rufus.

"Tseng, please! I'm on the phone right now, have some manners!" he laughed at the wutaiian man's twitch. "Chill out before your dot starts changing colours." He yelped as Tseng made a grab for him again and moved out of his reach.

"Reno, give Tseng the phone. Now." Rufus' stern voice was cold enough to freeze hell, but of course, it never phased Reno.

"I'm sorry, Tseng can't come to the phone right now." Reno smirked. "He's a little busy."

Before Reno could say anything else, Tseng tackled the other man to the floor. The two wrestled for the phone on the ground in the middle of Tseng's office.

Elena sighed and flipped through her report for the tenth time since she had started walking to her boss' office, checking for mistakes or typos. She had always been a perfectionist, it drove her nearly insane some days. She closed it and told herself not to worry about it, and just to hand it to her boss and forget about it. She reached Tseng's office and found the door open. She peered in and froze.

"Sir?"

She gaped for a moment, jaw hanging in shock. She almost dropped the folder she was holding. On the floor, Tseng was on top of Reno and holding him down on the ground. He seemed to be struggling to keep him still (as he reached for the phone, but of course Elena completely overlooked that). Both Reno's blazer and white shirt were anything but ripped open, and the redhead was pushing on Tseng's chest in a feeble effort to shove him off. Both men had ruffled hair and seemed out of breath. They seemed completely oblivious to Elena in the doorway. The blonde blinked several times, was about to say something, but stopped. She made another attempt to speak, but the shock still held a grip on her. She turned to walk away.

"I'll… Come back later…" she managed to say before quickly walking away. She seemed to almost sleepwalk down the hall, trying to process in her mind what she had just seen. She was so tranced that she almost ran straight into Rude. The bald man stopped her and looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"You okay, 'Lena?"

"Tseng… Reno… holy crap…" she mumbled in a daze, staring at nothing. She looked so out of it, and could not construct a full sentence.

"Elena, is your nose bleeding?" Rude blinked at her, unsure whether to help her back to her office or see what the hell was happening with Tseng and Reno. Elena brought a hand to her face to catch the blood from her nosebleed. She then just kept walking. Rude watched her for a moment before sighing. He then ran to Tseng's office, afraid of what he may find. What he saw almost made him faint.

"…Sir? Reno? What the HELL, guys?" He stood in the doorway, unsure whether to start laughing hysterically or break down crying. The two men looked up at Rude.

Tseng's "Getoverhereandhelpmekillthisidiot" and Reno's "Rudegetthispsychopathoffme" reached Rude's ears at the same time as his fellow Turks continued struggling in their… interesting fashion. Rude blinked at them again. He raised his hands and stepped back from them and into the hallway.

"You two have fun with that. I'll be in my office, trying to knock myself unconscious." He said before shutting the door and walking down the hallway, very very slowly.

* * *

There it is! XD I couldn't help having Elena have a nosebleed, it seemed so fitting. I feel bad for Tseng, how embaressing for him... -shakes head- I am a monster and I'm gonna go straight to hell. 

Reviews! You guys are awesome!

Nando the RPS King: Needles are bad, I don't blame Reno for going into the vents. If Tseng WERE to invest in tranquilizer darts, he'd never see Reno again! With them sticking into you and all... Oh well, thanks!

Random Reno Fangirl 05: GAH! -tackles- I was wondering where you were! I hope you're feeling better! I was sick for a while, too X.x It's great to hear from you again, and to see that the insanity hasn't stopped -sweatdrops- poor Derek... You're reviews are more amusing than my story! XD Thanks!

CelticPhantom: Oops? Hopefully nothing did snap, that would require medical attention. I'm glad you liked that one line, it actually made me giggle, too. Reno sure is persistant, you can't help but love him. Thanks so much for the review!

bonzojones: Aw, thanks! I'm glad you liked the last chapter, I was actually kinda iffy about it. Thank you!

bakasoul: I'm thinking of an appearance from Avalanche, but I haven't really gotten around to planning it yet. Hopefuly soon! Thank you for the review!


	19. Meeting

My apologies! I didn't mean to have such a long time between updates! Between School and social life, and my other ongoing fic, I'm starting to loose time for Rainy Day! Shame on me, I've been slacking! I promise more and better chapters in the future. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All Characters are belong to Square - **EXCEPT FOR Sandy, Rufus' bodyguard. She is, of course the muse of the wonderful Random Reno Fangirl 05. I love RRF, and I LOVE Sandy, so she deserves a quick Cameo here and there. Hope you don't mind, RRF!**

* * *

Executive Meetings. Whoever invented them should be dragged out onto the street and shot several times in the most painful areas. These meetings were the most boring things in existence. And we all know what happens when boredom strikes at ShinRa. 

Rude sighed as he ignored the seemingly eternal babbling that Palmer was emitting about putting money back into the Space Program. He looked over to Tseng, who was looking at the table and contemplating hitting his head off it until he passed out. Of course that could be possible, the Noble Young President Rufus _was_ passed out. He sat at the head of the big oak table… well, sitting was too strong of a word. He was more like slumped over the table with his head on his loosely folded arms. His bodyguard, Sandy, was poking him in the temple, trying to be subtle in waking him up.

Rude sat back in his chair, running a hand over his face and suppressing a groan. Something bounced off his head and he looked over at - you guessed it - Reno, who smirked at him. In the redhead's hand was an elastic band and there was a pile of multicoloured paperclips in his lap. Rude sighed lightly. Nothing good could come of this.

Reno's shoulders shook in a silent chuckle and he mouthed the words "Watch this." before reloading his new weapon. He looked around to make sure nobody was watching, and then took aim. The paperclip ammunition was fired, and flew across the table, unnoticed by some sort of miracle. Perhaps not a miracle, maybe just because nobody was paying attention or caring. The paperclip hit it's target, Rufus' head. Instead of bouncing off, it stuck in his heavily-gelled hair. Both Reno and Rude had to fold their arms over the table and bury their faces in them to hide their silent laughter. In all honesty, the sight of the most powerful man in the world with a hot pink paperclip lodged in his blonde hair was very amusing.

"And I believe that if he re-invest in this program…" Palmer carried on, completely unaware that nobody was listening, or even pretending to be.

Reeve was busy trying to catch Cait Sith v. 2.0 as it ran around his chair. The new robot was not with it's Mog-plush steed, and it was simply the little black and white cat running around. Reeve told the cat-robot quietly to stay still, but it apparently still had some glitches in the system. The cat jumped onto the table.

"MY PURPLE UMBRELLA OWNS YOUR LEFT SHOE!" Cait Sith exclaimed loudly. Everyone looked over at the little robot cat with wide eyes. Rufus even lifted his head and blinked sleepily with blank, half-open eyes. Reeve gave a little squeak and snatched the strange cat in his arms and pulled it against his chest. He put his hand over it's mouth and held it in place, laughing nervously.

"Few bugs I still need to work out… sorry."

The other people looked at him like he was insane, save for the president, who was once again fast asleep. He had several more paperclips in his hair, credit given to Reno and his impeccable aim.

Before anyone could cut him off, Palmer was once again off on his speech about the Space Program. Some people groaned lightly, others simply ignored, one flung paperclips, and one slept.

Reno suddenly decided that he was bored, and that it was time for him to leave. He shoved the pile of paperclips into his pocket, along with his elastic rubber band. He took a deep breath and sat completely still for a moment.

"LOOK! An obvious distraction!" he suddenly yelled, pointing at the tall window at the end of the room, just behind Rufus. All of the less-intelligent executives turned to look, while others just sighed. As they looked back at Reno, they found he was gone, and disappeared out the door. Tseng heaved another sigh.

"Rude, would you?"

The bald Turk nodded and stood up, following after Reno. This was a normal occurring event in meetings, sometimes even happening twice in the same hour. Somehow every time Reno got out, even that one time they locked the doors from the outside to prevent such a thing. That escape was still a mystery they weren't quite sure they wanted to figure out.

Palmer continued on, while Rude dragged a very unwilling Reno back into the room. Reno was sat down at his chair again, much to his dismay. So close to the vent cover this time.

And Rufus slept on.

Scarlet and Heidegger were having a small tug-of-war over the box of donuts that usually lay in the middle of the table. Although their struggle was obvious and annoying, nobody paid attention. It was what usually happened. In the midst of their fight over the sugary treats, the box flew halfway across the room. A powdered donut flew from the box and collided with Hojo's face. A cloud of white powdered sugar 'poofed', and left a large, round, white mark on his face. The scientist blinked the powder out of his eyes, looking rather calm in his state of shock.

"Oh my god!" Scarlet gasped.

"That's okay." Reno said with a dismissive wave of the hand. "Nobody likes that kind of donut anyway."

Hojo glared at the Turk and made a mental note to make him his next specimen.

Reno looked at Tseng, who was half asleep across the table and smirked a little. He turned to Rude and nudged him.

"I bet you five bucks I can hit the dot on his forehead." Reno whispered, already loading his weapon. Rude smirked.

"If you end up hitting him in the eye, I'm not saving your life." Reno just snorted.

"You did last time."

He then took careful, yet subtle aim as he pulled the paperclip back on the rubber band. He let go and the clip sped across the table, connecting with it's target - dead in the middle of Tseng's forehead. The Turk leader snapped out of his deep trance and gave Reno a glare that would kill a lesser man. Reno just doubled over in silent laughter, and even Rude wasn't being subtle about how amused he was. Tseng sighed and looked over to the president, who, somehow, was still sleeping soundly. The only thing different from five minutes before was that he now had, lodged in his gelled hair, more paperclips than Tseng thought the company had in it's office supply inventory. He couldn't hold back a groan as he buried his head in his hands.

And this was one of the most productive ShinRa meetings he had ever attended.

* * *

There you have it! I hope this fic still has some humour, I fear I may be loosing my touch... 

Reviews! I love you all SO much!

Nando the RPS King: I'm glad you liked it! Hey, I don't blame Elena, seeing that would be pretty sweet. (Well, maybe in my fangirlish world it would be)  
Elena: I'm NOT a Yaoi Fan! -fumes-  
Yes you are, don't lie... Anywhoo, thanks for the review!

Orphen27: Heh, I'm glad you liked it! Yes, yes, poor Elena XD Thank you!

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Tseng must go through a lot of Advil, eh? He has a drawer full of it. And don't worry about not reviewing, as long as you're enjoying it, that's all that matters to me! Thank you so much!

Cueball: Yay, I feel loved! Reno's so mean, he's lucky Tseng didn't shoot him. Well, Tseng was too busy trying to tell Rude he wasn't doing what they think and helping Elena with her now-explosive nosebleeding. -giggles- sorry, I had fun with that. Thanks for the review!

Random Reno Fangirl 05: -laughs hysterically- God, I love your reviews. I agree, Sandy is a perv XD But we love her. Speaking of Sandy, I hope you don't mind that she made a short appearance again. Like before, if you do mind, I can change it. And poor, poor, Derek. How can a muse of sanity exist? It's impossible! It defies all the laws of Muse-ism! XD Sorry. Anywhoo, thanks a million, and I hope to see some updates coming from you. -pokepoke- -subtlehint-

Dav J: Hey, don't worry, as long as you're enjoying the stories! I'm glad you like this so much, and be careful if you roll ont he floor laughing. I've hit chairs, tables, and pets while doing that. Yeah. Not safe. Thank you for the review!


	20. Halloween!

Before the story, I have a few things to say to you all:

Chapter 20! Wow... I'm amazed. Not only that I had stuck with something for this long, but also that people are still at least pretending to like it! This silly little story was created as a simple one-shot months ago, an attempt at light humour. It's grown into a multi-chapter full-out humour fiction about mybeloved Turks.Now it's the cetnre of my existance! I want to thank you all, anyone who's reviewed, fav'ed, and read Rainy Day. I love you all.

Speaking of which... Last chapter, Rainy Day hit 100 reviews! I was so happy to see that, and I want to extend my thank yous. I am not worthy. You people are Gods! GODS I SAY! -grovels- You people have no idea how much I appreciated all your kindness, advice, and effort that you show in your reviews. They are what keeps me writing!

Last announcement... HALLOWEEN! One of my favourite days of the year. I thought it only fitting that I have a Halloween-ish set chapter. I know, I'm awful to my beloved Reno and Rude, but it's only because I love them so! -huggles them- Enjoy! -gives out candy-

Disclaimer: All Characters are belong to Square. **ONE SIDE NOTE - Again, I used something of Random Reno Fangirl 05's, just to add a tint of fright into Reno's Halloween. You guessed it, the Pokey Sock Incident gets another referance! RRF, I'm sorry, but it's pure genious and I HAVE to use it X3**

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Rude waved dust from his face as he walked into the old house, wrinkling his nose. He looked around, the dark, creepy mansion around him coated with a layer of dust and dirt, and looking like it handn't been touched in years. He felt a light gag constrict in his throat. He hated the smell of mould, and it hung in his nostrils in an annoying manner. 

Speaking of annoying, where the hell was Reno? He was supposed to meet Rude at the front gates an hour ago. Rude had decided to enter the house on his own and warm up, since the bitter cold outside had gotten the best of him. His bald head was cold, one of the few times he wished he had hair. He shivered lightly under his uniform and stepped further into the house, letting the huge door shut behind him. The oak door closed loudly, which made him jump a little. He looked back at the door and grumbled a little. He felt like he was part of some ongoing act comic relief for other people to enjoy at his expense. This mission was just too obvious. Although the Tseng was serious, composed, and responsible, the Turk leader was quite the smartass in his own subtle way. Only he would think to send Reno and Rude to the old ShinRa Mansion, on Halloween, and at night. Well, perhaps that wasn't as subtle as other things he did, more about as subtle as a Mack Truck, but you get the point.

Rude sighed and looked around before he felt a cold hand grasp the back of his neck. He jumped and whirled around, throwing a punch at the newcomer. His fist was caught, but both Rude and Reno toppled over onto the floor, a large cloud of dust lifting around them. Rude let out a grunt as he hit the floor – or more like hit Reno as he fell on top of the other man. He became face to face with Reno, glaring from behind dark lenses. Reno was scowling back.

"Geeze, Rude!" he coughed as he pushed his friend off of him. "Dinner and a movie first!" he growled while getting himself up. Rude stood as well, dusting himself off.

"Don't flatter yourself." He hissed, straightening his off-centred sunglasses. He smiled a little, looking at Reno in the faint light. "I half expected you to be out trick-or-treating with the rest of the immature population."

Reno rolled his eyes. "Can't you tell? I am dressed up!" the redhead said as he and Rude started walking towards the large staircase. Rude raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I'm a disgruntled adult who's not allowed to get free candy." Reno said very matter-of-factly. Rude chuckled lightly.

"My guess was that you're dressed as an idiot with unkempt clothes and bad hair." He mused, fully knowing how much he had sparked Reno's anger. The smaller man glared dangerously.

"At least I HAVE hair, cueball." He snarled, lightly taking a grip of his own ponytail and seeming to almost pet it. Rude smirked and ran a hand over his smooth, bald head.

"But I shave my head for a reason. You tend to fight like a girl, and you go right for the hair… when your not screeching and trying to scratch someone's face up."

By now Reno was just insulted. He prodded Rude in the arm with Mag, which was at a low setting. The bald Turk jumped and almost fell down the long set of stairs. He had to lean against the railing to catch his balance.

"Bitch." Reno hissed.

"Moron!" Rude growled back.

The two glared at each other for a full minute before Rude straightened up. "I'll kill you later. For now, we just gotta find what we're looking for." His sighed before starting to ascend up the stairs again. How the hell were they going to find a single old file in this massive house? Rude had a guess it would be in the study, so once they came to the top of the stairs, he searched for that particular room. "Let's split up." He suggested, lowering his sunglasses so he could see better in the darkness. He heard a light whimper before something clung to his arm. He twitched.

"Christ, man, you're a Turk!" he growled while trying to pry Reno off his arm. He saw the big, begging green eyes of the other man, in full puppy dog face power, and twitched again. "This mansion isn't haunted, now get the hell off of me."

"But what if something pops out of the old Lab and eats me?" Reno said quietly, looking around in a very paranoid manner. Perhaps the whole concept of a creepy old house on Halloween was freaking him out.

"Then I will personally give it a medal." Rude sighed, finally managing to peel Reno off. "Nothing will eat you, haunt you, or anything like that. Go check the other rooms." He pointed in another direction, half-glaring at the other Turk. Reno grumbled some angry words under his breath and trudged his feet over to a different room. Rude shook his head and continued his own search. He ended up in an old bedroom and fumbled around for an old switch. He found one and turned it on, grateful that the room had filled with light. After much searching through drawers, which all ended up being empty or full of nesting mice, Rude was getting frustrated. He opened the last drawer in the room and saw a single, old sock in it. A sudden, cruel smirk wiped across his face when he saw it was bright red. Okay, so he lied to Reno, but it was time for payback. He picked up the old sock between two fingers and very silently sneaked his way down the hall. He found a lit doorway, and heard Reno's cursing as he rummaged through the room. He smirked again and stayed out of sight as he flung the red sock into the room. The offending article of clothing fell to the floor in the centre of the room. He slinked his way over to the room he had been searching, feeling a great sense of pride and fulfilment.

About twenty minutes later, when Reno's shriek - no, not scream, little girly shriek - rang through the house, Rude doubled over in laughter.

"POKEY SOCK! POKEY SOCK! HOOOLYFUCKGETITAWAY!" Reno screeched as he dashed into the old library, where Rude had now started searching, and took the other man out around the waist. Both men toppled to the floor, again, and Reno still clung to him. "It's going to violate me!"

Rude was too busy laughing hysterically to notice he had been knocked over and was now being clung to. He was seeming to hyperventilate in hysteria as he failed to collect himself. Reno snarled and stood up. Still shaking, he jogged over to the bookcase, and looked over the old book spines. He found the right book and pulled it out. Fuck with him, eh? Oh, he'd show Rude. He flipped to a page with a large picture of a familiar yellow bird. He smirked, despite the horror he had just faced, and placed the book in front of Rude's eyes. The man opened his eyes as he managed to calm his laughter, and froze in a dead, sudden silence. His eyes became as wide as saucers.

As Rude tried to scramble up the old bookcase to get away from the picture of the chocobo, Reno smiled inwardly and decided this was going to be the most fun mission – and Halloween – ever.

* * *

I still think I'm loosing my touch... if I ever had one-sweatdrop- but I still keep trying! I hope you enjoyed it, anyways. 

Reviews! You. Guys. Rock. 19 chapters and 103 reviews... Seriously, I apreciate every single review, or even hit that this story gets. I love you all!

TruebornChaos: Thanks, I was particularly proud of that quote. It says so much in such a little sentance. XD Thanks again!

Dav J: Yeah, watch out for them table legs... they're sneaky like that! I realised that too, the differance between my two ongoing fics is huge. I guess I'm just wierd -sweatdrop- Anywhoo, thanks for the review!

bonzojones: Well, Reno and Rude being true to the AC versions while being extreme has been my goal for a while. So I guess that's a good thing! Isn't AC great? I love it, I'm actually watching it now as I reply to reviews. -is a slacker- And messing up subtitles is fun XD Thanks for another great review!

Random Reno Fangirl 05: ... -sweatdrop- -pats Derek on the head- I agree with Sandy, you abuse your muses so much XD Ah, but what can I say, look at how my beloved Turks are abused! It's only because we love them so much. I have to admit, when I get an email alert saying that you have just reviewed, I can't help but smile. It's always so amusing to read your reviews! Oh yeah, The latest chapter of Reborn was awesome! I loved it, keep up the good work. Cid's mega-nosebleed almost killed me with laughing! Thank you for the review! (and for updating your fic!)

Forsaken-Friday: Ah, poor Rufus. I can picture the look on his face when he saw himself in the mirror later that day XD And I think you could hang coats and hatson that hair! Reno just might try that someday... no promisesthat he'll survive the president's wrath. Anywhoo, thanks for the review!

Als1437: Thank you for both of your reviews! You're too kind. I suggest you pick up at least on Final Fantasy game, I think you'll really enjoy it. Of course, knowing me, I suggest you play FF7 until your eyes melt, because that's jsut the best game EVER! (hence my countless fanfics on it.) Give it a try! Thanks againfor the reviews!

Cueball: Well, in short answer to your question - When Reno is bored, run for your effing life. His paperclip flinging and spontantious decision to leave was him being on his best behavior! Scary, no? Anyways, yes, Poor, poor Rude. I can take a screenshot of half of his appearences in the movie, and put the word "pwned" across the bottom of it. He took so much abuse, and everyone was oblivious to it. When Reno crushed his shades, he looked like he was gonna CRY! Then he stands and whips out another pair XD God, I love him. And when I saw Reno climb that building, my only reaction was "Spidey-Reno!" Everyone looked at me like I was insane. Thanks again for another great review!

**_!HAPPY HALLOWEEN!_**


	21. Squirrel!

Gah! I've been slacking! Shame on me! My apologies... I've been pretty stressed lately. But, because I love you all, I bring you another chapter. I wish to thank everyone who read and reviewed on the last chapter, I seemed to get a lot of reviews. And Thank you to everyone who gave me congrats on reaching chapter 20 and 100 reviews. Means alot, guys!

Disclaimer: All Characters are belong to Square. And yet, another mention of Sandy, Random Reno Fangirl 05's muse. -huggles Sandy- I love her so much XD

* * *

Eight o'clock am, oh how we loath thee. Sure, it was halfway through the day for Tseng, but currently, he was not aware of the time, he was too busy being passed out at his desk. Arms folded over his papers, and his head resting on them, he peacefully slept. Yeah, he was professional to a painful extent, and so serious he could make your high school English teacher look like a pushover, but everyone is human, right? It was not his fault he had been awake all night. Before your filthy minds process that phrase wrong, perhaps it's good to mention that he had spent from nine p.m. to four am catching up on paperwork. What's so urgent and different about these papers? They were damage forms he had to fill out from Reno's last mission. How could that idiot go from having to shoot a guy, to driving a truck through a hardware store and casting Bolt 2 on a completely different building, causing thousands of gil on damage to their electrical system? Not to mention the assigned man to kill had been in a completely different sector at that time. Naturally, Tseng was pissed off, but he was even more upset that Rufus always assigned him to fill out all those forms. Why him? He wasn't the one who has a record of redefining the term "overkill". 

The Turk leader's peaceful slumber was snatched away from him when he heard a high-pitched scream echo through the halls. He sat up immediately, and reactively picked up the fire extinguisher that he kept under his desk, for reoccurring incidents where Reno had gotten a hold of Rude's lighter. Looking around in dumb sleepiness, he lowered the fire extinguisher as he found his office was empty and there was no sign of smoke. Blinking the blurriness out of his eyes and yawning, Tseng stood up and sleepily trudged over to the door. Peering into the hall, while leaning on the doorframe lazily, he saw Rude already dragging Reno towards the office. The redhead, who was being full out dragged across the floor by the back of his shirt, was laughing uncontrollably. Rude looked slightly peeved, but had a "he-did-something-stupid-again" look on his face. Tseng sighed.

"What did he do now?" he asked in almost a conversational tone. Why bother getting surprised that Reno had some something destructive or idiotic? "And please don't tell me that was your scream, Rude."

The bald Turk ignored that comment and hauled Reno between him and Tseng. Reno was still laughing. "He put one of Hojo's specimens in Elena's desk drawers." Rude explained. Tseng twitched.

"Reno…"

The smaller man looked up at Tseng, managing to calm his laughter. "Geeze, boss, you look spent. Didn't sleep?" he asked, fully knowing it was all his fault. He gave an innocent smile, which sparked another twitch from his superior.

"For your information, Rufus demanded that I stay up all night-" before Tseng could finish with the words 'to finish paperwork', Reno burst into more laughter, doubling over on the floor. Rude sighed and ran a hand over his face. Only Reno…

Just then, Elena seemingly came out of nowhere and took hold of Rude's free arm. She looked scared out of her mind. There was evidence of drying tears on her face, with mascara smears. He squeezed poor Rude's arm, showing she had a stronger grip than it seemed.

"It's running around my office!" she exclaimed, fully latching onto the arm. Rude groaned and looked at Tseng. The leader just straightened up.

"Alright, Elena, we'll go deal with whatever Reno put into your office…" he sighed before starting to head in that direction. He glanced back at Reno before looking at Rude. "Just leave him there, looks like he'll keep himself busy for at least an hour." It was true, the idiot Turk was laughing so hard that it looked like he wouldn't calm down for a long time. Rude nodded and followed Tseng, with Elena still clinging to his arm for dear life. They left the hysterical redhead to his hyperventilation and laughter.

As they reached Elena's office, which was pretty small in size, they found a strange looking rodent running around in circles. It looked like a squirrel loaded with mako, with bright, glowing green fur. However, it was slightly larger than the creature it resembled, and had seemingly larger claws. The three Turks stood in the doorway, Tseng blinking with slightly widened eyes.

"…That!"

"It's scary when it jumps out at you, ok?" Elena growled, still latched to Rude.

"Why's it running around in circles?" Rude asked, noticing how the squirrel seemed to chase it's own tail in the middle of the office. It certainly didn't look intelligent. Tseng sighed.

"I think it caught Reno's idiocy. Let's just catch it."

The two men, and eventually Elena, advanced around the circling rodent. The squirrel stopped suddenly and looked up at Tseng, tilted it's head a little, then bolted. It climbed up Tseng's pant leg, then up to his shoulder. Tseng gasped and tried to swing a hand to bat the creature off of him, but it bit his finger and ran back down and out the door. Tseng held his bleeding finger, glaring at the retreating figure of the rodent.

"That little bastard!" he snarled, chasing after it. Elena and Rude then followed.

Rufus sat back in his chair and sighed, eyes scanning over the report in his hand. Where the hell was Tseng with those damage papers? He needed them filled out soon, and it wasn't like Tseng to be late with paperwork. As he contemplated calling his office to question the Turk, he sat up and lowered the paper. He saw a green squirrel sitting on his desk, gnawing on his gold pen.

"Hey!" he yelled as he reached for the rodent. That pen was extremely expensive, and even though Rufus had more money than they had an actual number for, no green rat was going to ruin his stuff. As he reached, the squirrel scrambled up his arm and clung to his hair. Of course all the hair gel protected Rufus' head like a mini helmet, but isn't a mutated squirrel on your head a little freaky? Apparently he thought so. The usually composed young president ran around the office, trying to get the mako squirrel off of him.

"Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff! Sandy get the mop!" he yelled, momentarily forgetting his bodyguard was absent that day.

As Tseng, Rude, and Elena ran into the office, they circled around the president immediately.

"Sir, calm down…" Tseng instructed, eyes locked on the rodent, which looked around, peacefully perched on the young president's head.

"CALM?" Rufus roared, glaring at Tseng. "THIS IS CALM! I COULD NEVER BE MORE CALM!" he screamed, looking like he was going to explode with fury and panic.

Before anyone could stop it, the squirrel leaped off the noble president's head and squeezed into the little air vent in the wall. All the Turks groaned before running over to the vent.

"Like a little, fur-covered Reno…" Rude sighed as the glow of the creature's fur disappeared around the corner. Tseng straightened up.

"Come on, we have to get into the vents again."

"Not me!" both Elena and Rude piped up at the same time. Tseng glared back at them.

"Hell no…"

"Sorry, boss, you loose!" Elena smiled innocently before she and Rude all but fled from the office. Tseng looked back at Rufus, who was making sure his hair wasn't ruined, and sighed. He then made his way down to the utility room. He was surprised to see the other Turks there, even Reno.

"What are you doing down here?" he asked while taking to cover off the vent. Rude smiled.

"With all due respect, sir, watching you crawl into the vent and chase a mako induced rodent would make my year." Reno and Elena nodded in agreement.

"Rude…" Tseng twitched.

"Sorry, sir, I think Reno's attitude is rubbing off on me."

"You WISH I was rubbing off on you!"

Tseng rolled his eyes and looked back at the vent. Before he could crawl in, he stopped. The squirrel sat there, blinking at him and giving a light 'squeak'. The Turk blinked as well before removing his blazer and lunging, aiming to trap it in the dark blue fabric. However, the squirrel was too fast. It leaped up and clung to Tseng's face.

"Mmph!" Tseng stumbled back and tried to yank it off of him, but the large rodent kept clinging to him. The three other Turks reacted differently. Reno collapsed laughing, Elena screamed, and Rude watched in a mix of morbid fascination and horror. In all honesty, the sight if the leader of the most elite group of assassins in the world stumbling around with a green squirrel clinging to his face was pretty amusing.

"Sir!" Elena ran towards her boss, yanking on the rodent's tail, but it had no effect on it. Tseng gave a mix of muffled cries, attempting to pry the mako creature off again. After snapping out of his trance, Rude drew his gun and fired it upwards. Consequently, a piece of the ceiling fell, but it hit Reno on the head instead of him. The blast was enough to startle the squirrel, and it loosened it's grip enough so Tseng could successfully pry it off his face and stuff it under and overturned bucket, which lay conveniently in the corner. He then fell to his knees, gasping for air and sputtering green fur.

"Tseng, are you alright?" Elena asked, kneeling down beside him. The wutaiian man had many scratches up and down his face, and looked almost purple from a lack of oxygen, but was otherwise unharmed. He glared at Reno.

"I hope you've enjoyed the use of your limbs." He growled angrily. Reno smiled innocently and stepped back before ducking behind Rude.

"…I love you?" Reno tried sweetly, knowing he was royally screwed. He still had bits of ceiling in his hair, but for once didn't seem to care about his appearance. He then bolted and crawled into the vent. He was gone within seconds. The three other Turks looked at each other.

"Not me!"

"Not me!"

"Not… ah, fuck…" a defeated Tseng groaned as he crawled his way into the vents.

* * *

There you have it! I know, it's a bit long, but I was having SO much fun with it. I love torturing Tseng so much. I dunno why, it's just amusing X3 

Reviews! You guys are great. I love you.

Akiraine of Gia: Hehee, I talk to you on Gaia online! -pointpoint- Thanks for adding me, it's good to talk to you! Don't worry about not reviewing, priorities are but a factor of life! It's awesome to hear from you again, though. God, your reviews are long, makes me feel abd that I can't write an equally long reply. I yell at my computer when on the phone too, I let out a string of curses that would put Cid Highwind himself to shame. Once I almost did that when ont he phone with my Grandma! X.x that would NOT have gone over well. X3 I love your reviews, thank you so much!

WyvrenWing: Yay! I'm glad you like it, and you don't think I'm loosing my touch. Thank you so much for reviewing!

Nando the RPS King: Hmmm... pokey sock puppet... -laughs hysterically- that would be funny as hell. Poor Reno, in fact, the poor Turks. I'm so awful to all of them. And Rude keeps that sock with him always, it's his Reno-repellant. XD thanks for the review!

tifa-lockhart-27: The pokey sock incident is from Random Reno Fangirl 05's fanfic, called Trapped. It's hilarious, read it and be prepared to laugh.

The Tiramisu of Impending Doom: Thanks XD I like that particular quote. Ah, how we love those Turks. I like making Reno all immature and perverted, like an extreme version of myself! Thanks for the review!

Random Reno Fangirl 05: Haha, the muses strike back X3 Aw, Sandy's not useless! She's the bestest muse ever! I love at least mentioning her in my fictions, especially when Rufus is involved. They make the perfect comedy duo. Too bad she couldn't save poor Ru-Ru-Chan this time! -evil laugh- Evil Mako Squirrel! Anywhoo, thanks for the review!

Z-sama: Thank you very much for the lovely review! You're too kind to me. Falling out of your chair may be due to an ear infection, you may want to see a doctor. Thanks again!

Skrap: Yay for Reno! I love him so much! Wow, you read all 20 chapters? At once? Holy crap, I applaud you! Thanks for the great review!

Dav J: W00t! I love halloween! Thank you, I'm glad you liked the last chapter.

ImotoHiNeko: Aw, thanks! I'm definatly writing more, as long as people still like it.

Als4137: Thank you! Halloween is an awesome time of year, how can I NOT add it into a chapter? hehe, thanks againfor another kind review!


	22. Christmas! pt 1

GAH! -falls to floor and grovles- my apologies! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I've been slacking on my fanfics! So. Many. Projects. I promise, my updates will be more frequent from now on!

Anywhoo, this is part One of two... or three (haven't decided yet) of my Rainy Day Christmas special! I heart Christmas SO MUCH, and I have a bijillion ideas for this. Therefore, lotsa xmaschappies! Enjoy!

* * *

Rude trudged through he snowy streets of Midgar, grumbling obscenities towards the bitter cold, and the snow that was whipping around in the wind. Grungy slush had already soaked his shoes and the bottom of the legs of his pants, and his feet were absolutely frozen. He shivered under his coat and looked into a shop window. He growled lightly as he saw festive decorations of the Christmas theme filling the display window. "Too early for Christmas…" he mumbled as he kept walking. It wasn't even the end of November, and everything was in full holiday swing. Commercially, Christmas started in August, and that drove Rude insane.

It wasn't that he didn't like the holiday. Christmas was a good time of year, save for the shopping and the rush. Hell, he and Reno made it a fun tradition to go to the shopping centre a few days before the 25th and throw coins on the floor. They would stand back and watch the greedy mobs fight for it, using the merchandise as weapons to bludgeon each other in an epic battle over a quarter. Call it cruel, but 'tis the season, after all. Rude also enjoyed the time off, of course. Spend a little time with family and friends, catch up on some sleep, drag his drunken fellow Turks home from the Christmas party, and all that seasonal fun.

Rude just didn't like the hype, how it all had to start before the leaves started to change colours. And of course, controlling a sugar-high energised Reno after consuming Christmas candy. Rude vowed for it not to be like last year, when the redhead had gotten into the rumcake. Rude still had mental and physical scars from that episode.

As he finally got into the office building, and rode the elevator up to his office floor, Rude started to feel his frozen body thawing. He shivered a little as he shed his coat and hung it on the back of his chair. He looked over to Reno's desk and found it empty, and simply assumed he was still passed-out at home. Rude sat down and sighed lightly, cursing his car for, once again, failing him today. Just out of pure convenience it had to decide not to work on the cold and rainy days. Before he could start work he got a feeling that he should duck, like a projectile was coming his way at an incredible velocity. He called it his 'Reno-Sense'. Naturally, he ducked, narrowly missing getting hit with… something. Almost falling out of his chair, he looked at the missile that had almost hit him square in the face. It was now splattered against the wall, and looking very gross.

"Damnit!" he heard Reno yell, and the redhead stomping his foot. Rude sat up and examined the object that he had evaded, wrinkling his nose as he recognised it.

"Aunt send you fruitcake again?" he asked, scraping the disgusting baked good (and I use that word loosely) off the wall and tossing it in the trash. Reno nodded and smiled, flipping a slingshot in the air and catching it as he sat down.

"You missed it. I nailed Elena in the back of the head." Reno smirked, sitting back in his chair. Rude raised an eyebrow.

"How are you still alive?" he asked, wondering how Reno could avoid these brushes with death so easily. Reno laughed lightly.

"She chased me all the way to the fourth floor, then I lost her. She's probably still running around looking for me."

Rude simply shook his head. Only Reno. "Can you promise no major casualties this year?" Reno looked at his friend like he was purely insane, and Rude merely sighed. "Why did I even ask?"

Just then, the two Turks heard footsteps coming towards their office, and we all know what that is going to result in. Reno smirked and loaded his slingshot with a piece of the fruitcake that lay on his desk. However, Rude saw the approaching person first. It wasn't Elena, it was Tseng.

"Shit!" Rude stood up and bolted to the door, taking Tseng out around the waist in a bodyguard-type save. It was lucky, because otherwise the Turk leader would have received a handful of fruitcake in the side of the head at an incredible speed. One of those bits of dried fruit could have penetrated his skull! Not only that, but the cake would get in his hair… and you don't fuck with Tseng's awesome hair.

Tseng coughed and accepted Rude's hand up, looking down at the scattered papers he had dropped during the dramatic save. He then calmly looked at the wall.

"Your aunt sent you fruitcake again, I'm assuming?" he asked almost conversationally, looking at the red headed Turk, who smiled innocently.

"Hey, this is safer than consuming it."

"I agree." Tseng sighed while fixing his slightly ruffled hair. "But just don't fling it at-"

"YOU!" A completely enraged voice snarled before Elena appeared, fists clenched and slowly stalking towards Reno. Her hair was partially wet, after having spent about half an hour attempting to wash the bits of cake out of it in the company gym's showers. Tseng groaned and smacked his own face with his palm.

"…Elena." He quietly finished his interrupted sentence. Reno was already on his desk and trying to fend her off with a loaded slingshot, looking completely horrified and scared for his life.

"Rude!" he squeaked, every bit of his courage drained. "Help!"

However, Rude didn't move from where he stood beside Tseng. They watched as Reno helplessly flattened himself into a corner and Elena started attempting to smother him with the remains of the fruitcake. Both sane Turks sighed.

"You think he'll learn this year?" Tseng tried hopelessly, ignoring the fact that Reno was now being strangled with the slingshot.

"If he does, he'll get so wasted at New Year's he'll forget." Rude groaned, running a hand over his bald head. "This is going to be a long, long Christmas Season..."

* * *

There you have it! I'm so sorry for the delay, I've been busy with school. Apparently I can't reply to reviews in my chappie now, so everyone can look foreward to a personal response from me in the near future! Hope you enjoyed this chappie, and I apologise again. Toodles!

P.S. - I hate fruitcake.


	23. Christmas! pt 2

Wow, I seriously slack. Sorry, guys, it's a bit late, but I finally got it done. My sincere apologies... this chapter nearly killed me. I hope you like it anyways. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

* * *

"T'was the night before Christmas…" Reno slurred, holding his mostly-empty beer bottle as high as his arm allowed. "And all though the house-"

"Oh, for fu-"

"All of the Turks were drunk as a louse." The completely hammered redhead finished before smirking. He was leaning over the back of the couch, staring at Rude, who was trying to get some sleep. Trying was purely the operative word, since the four of them, after a nice Christmas Eve drink-fest, were indeed drunk. Reno, obviously was completely annihilated. Elena had managed to get away from the chaos and fall asleep in the guest room of Reno's apartment. Tseng was attempting to fall asleep, on the couch adjacent to the one Rude was laying on. They were all to wasted to even think about walking home, and a Taxi on Christmas Eve would be impossible, so they all crashed at Reno's place for the night.

However, Reno wasn't up for sleeping. Being drunk was no fun when you were passed out. And why be awake alone? He had decided to keep the others awake, too intoxicated to realise the dangers of that.

"Reno, for the love of the Planet," Rude sighed, sitting up on the couch and glaring at his friend through tired, bloodshot eyes. "Go get some sleep, and leave everyone alone…" He trailed off and blinked several times at the redhead. "And get that mistletoe off your belt buckle."

Reno merely gave a drunk laugh before slumping over the back of the couch again. "You know you like it."

Rude growled threats at Reno before laying down on the couch again and burying his face in the cushion. The entire week before this night had been hell, with insane rushes to finish shopping, visits from relatives that simply couldn't be sane, and of course, Reno's idiocy. As Rude recollected the recent event up until this point, he could only shudder.

_Tseng slowed his pace as he walked down the hallway, suddenly having a feeling that something simply wasn't right. His nose wrinkled slightly as some strange, repulsive smell floated down the corridor, adding to that unsettling sense of disturbance. He looked down the hall, his eyes almost stinging with the strange, burning scent in the air. He started walking again, contemplating if this was an incident even worth his time. He already knew what the cause was - or who._

_Just then, familiar fiery red hair sped around the corner before Reno collided with him, almost toppling the Turk leader over. Tseng caught his footing as he stumbled back, glaring at the troublemaker. However, the annoyance melted into amusement as he saw the other man was completely lacking eyebrows, and his face was slightly singed. Reno gave a Cheshire-cat grin._

"_Hey, boss, did you know that fruitcake is flammable?" he asked, sounding like he had discovered something magnificent. Running two digits over the place where his left eyebrow once was, he gave a light chuckle. "I mean really flammable."_

_Tseng was about to respond, but an enraged yell cut him off before he had a chance._

"_RENO!" Rude's booming voice echoed through the halls, causing the man in question to jump. He gave another grin before dashing off past Tseng. The wutaiian man simply shook his head, and as Rude ran by, he silently pointed him in the right direction in his pursuit of Reno._

_In all honesty, he did not want to know._

That particular incident had ended particularly well, compared to the possible outcomes. The fire department came but put the fire out easily. However, when Reno fully realised his own casualties, he violently shook Rude by the blazer, possibly causing several cracked rubs, screaming: "My eyebrows! MY BEAUTIFUL EYEBROWS!"

However, like previously stated, it wasn't that bad… comparatively. Reno's antics went far beyond that.

_Rude stepped out of the massive office building and shivered lightly as a gust of icy wind greeted him. He grumbled under his breath and stepped out to the road. All these environmentalists kept going on and on about ShinRa causing global warming… when could he look forward to that? And the sooner he could get that Christmas bonus, the sooner he could get his goddamn car fixed._

_He only took two more steps before a snowball collided with the side of his head and exploded into thousands of little icy particles, which all managed to slip down under his coat and down his back. Before he could even react or figure out who had assaulted him, it was answered for him._

"_BOOOOM, HEADSHOT!"_

_Rude brushed snow from his ear and coat collar before glaring at Reno. The other man was laughing, doubled over in the snow. Lowering his goggles down to cover his eyes, he made a taunting gesture at Rude, who gladly took it as an invitation for murder._

"_That's it… that's fucking it!" He snarled, dropping his case in the snow and charging at Reno. Pretty soon, Reno was face down in the snow, nearly drowning in it. How he would managed to get so severely destroyed -pwned, if you will- in a snowball fight? Well, Rude had been on his last nerve with Reno, ever since the fruitcake incident. Within moments, Reno's face, hair and shirt were full of ice, snow and slush._

"_The goggles! They do nothing!" Reno sputtered helplessly, flailing in an attempt to push Rude away._

_It took both Reeve and Tseng's combined strength and effort to pull the two apart from fighting in the snow. _

Yes, the past week had been hell, to say the least. Rude sighed as he lay on his back, trying to ignore Reno's drunk singing, attempting his own cover of "Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer", complete with it's own obscenities and inappropriate add-ons. The tired Turk glanced over at a picture on the mantle of Reno as a child, visiting Santa Claus. What he saw, he completely expected. Poor Saint Nick was face down unconscious on the floor, while young Reno sat in his massive chair, laughing maniacally. For some reason, he could picture Reno doing that in his current age.

Soon, Reno was stumbling about, back to reciting 'The Night Before Christmas' with his own swing to it.

"To the window I flew like a flash, threw open the shutters and fell on my ass!"

"Reno, shut the hell up." Tseng groaned into the pillow, one hand over his throbbing temple. However, Reno went on.

"And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer!"

Both Rude and Tseng heaved sighs and buried their faces into the cushions in an attempt to drown Reno out.

"Over the roof her stumbled and fell, and came down the chimney like a bat outta hell." His slur was worse now, and he could barely keep standing. Tseng and Rude sat up again and glared at Reno, who started laughing drunkenly.

"Permission to kill him?"

"Granted."

With a full candy cane shoved into his mouth, and a stocking over his head, Reno was shoved into the closet., and locked in there. Rude and Tseng left him there, hoping the string of Christmas lights binding his wrists and ankles would hold until he passed out.

At that point, Rude decided it had been a very merry Christmas, indeed.

* * *

There you have it. Once again, I'm sorry. Over the holidays, I will get back into my regular updating, I promise.

Ok, about reviews. I know I've been slacking on replying, and i promise I reply to ALL of them this time around. You have my word.

Merry Christmas/Happy holidays!


	24. Babysitting

Hello, all! Yes, I have been slacking over Exam/ISU time, but now I bring you another chapter of Rainy Day! I made this one a bit longer, because you have all been so patient -bows- thank you all! This idea has been in the works for a couple months, and I finally put it all together. Hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Enjoy!  
And PLEASE keep those revies coming! I love them to death!  
Disclaimer: All characters are belong to Square ('Cept Josh, I made him up)

* * *

The desk drawer slammed heavily, and the one below it was opened immedeatly after, and Rude rummaged through it's contents in a frustrated manner. Not finding what he had been searching for, the Turk shut the drawer in a similar manner as the last one. This was just pissing him off. His favourite pair of sunglasses was missing, and all of the others were at home. How could he even think about going about his day without his shades? Unthinkable!

Swearing under his breath, Rude sat back in his office chair and sighed heavily. Before he could focus on thinking about where he had last seen his beloved sunglasses, some movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. His eyes widened as his sunglasses, airborne, flew towards the centre of the office, about to collide with the floor. With one not-so-swift movement, Rude dived over his desk and caught the sunglasses as he hit the floor, stomach first. He grunted as he hit the floor, and the wind was temporarily knocked out of him. As the bald man sat up with a wince and examined his sunglasses, he realised they were not damaged. He sighed in relief as he placed them over his eyes, then looked to his desk, which looked like… well, it looked like a full-grown man had slid over it in a desperate attempt to save his glasses. Papers and folders lay about the area around the desk, and other office supplies were scattered and in a complete mess. He heard light whistling, and looked over to the doorway to see Reno walk in. Although the redhead had no look of mischief or even a smirk on his face, Rude could easily blame this on him. Reno looked over and blinked a couple times at his friend sitting on the floor, slowing to a stop.

"Holy shit, Rude, what happ- ACK!" he cut himself off as a stapler flew at his head, and barely dodged it. "What the hell, man?"

"Why do you have to be such a moron?" Rude snarled, standing up and dusting off his blazer. "These glasses are expensive!"

Reno looked completely confused for a moment, wide eyes staring at his friend. "Erm… what?"

Rude was about to yell some more, before they both heard a light childish laugh in the doorway. They both looked over too see someone running out of view. Looking at each other for a brief moment, they exchanged confused looks before running out of the room. They looked down the hall just in time to see what looked like a kid run around the corner.

"The hell?" Reno blinked as they started running after the child. "Who's kid is that?"

Rude shrugged lightly. "Dunno, but we better catch him before Rufus does."

"I hear he eats kids for breakfast. Live." Reno said, all seriousness in his voice.

"No, that's newborn puppies." Rude replied as they turned the corner. They both saw the child run into Elena's office, giggling as he knew he was being pursued. Once again they exchanged confused looks before running into her office. They saw Elena sitting at her desk, allowing the child, a little boy no older than five, to duck behind her chair. She laughed lightly and ruffled the boy's blonde hair affectionately. Both men were stuck in a stunned silence, but Reno found his words first.

"Oh. Snap. Tseng is a man-whore." He said, a mix between horror and amusement. His fellow Turks looked at him oddly for a moment before Elena flung a hole-puncher at him. Reno stumbled backwards and hit the floor with a yelp.

"He's my nephew, you idiot." she hissed, standing up. "I'm taking care of him for today."

Both Reno and Rude seemed to sigh with relief, unable to fathom the thought of Elena having a son. The blonde woman raised and eyebrow, setting her hands on her hips. "Did you think I…"  
"No, no, no!" Both men said quickly in unison.

"Not at all."  
"Never."

"You're crazy."

"Yeah, we'd never think… that."

Elena sighed and shook her head, kneeling beside her nephew. He grinned at her, looking innocent. Rude saw a familiar look of impending chaos and destruction that was visible in Reno. This could not be good.

"Now, Josh," Elena said, fixing the little boy's hair. "This is Reno and Rude, I work with them. Be nice to them, alright?" Josh nodded, still smiling widely. It was obvious he was a trouble maker with an innocent exterior.

Elena stood as she heard her office phone ring. She sighed as she picked it up and held it to her ear. "Elena speaking." she said in a professional tone. There was a pause, and she uttered a quiet "Yes." every few seconds, before her face fell a little. "But sir, I-" she was cut off by the person on the other line and sighed lightly. "Yes sir, I'll go. Yes. Alright. Goodbye." She all but slammed the receiver down and huffed. "Perfect."

"What was that about?" Reno asked, oblivious to Rude swearing and almost falling over as young Josh heaved a kick at his shin. The boy giggled and dove behind Elena, who also seemed not to notice.

"Hediggier wants me to… erm…" she paused and covered her nephew's ears. "take someone out, and apparently it can't wait." she sighed and let Josh bat her hands away. "I know I'm going to regret this, but, can you two take care of Josh?"

Rude rubbed his sore shin, simply staring at her like she was insane. "I have enough trouble babysitting this idiot everyday as it is!" he growled, straightening up. Elena smiled and picked up Josh, all but shoving him into Rude's arms.

"That means you have a lot of experience with children!" she said cheerfully.

"Hey!"

They both ignored Reno's protest against their statements about him, and Elena simply looked at Rude with a puppy dog-like look on her face.

"Please, Rude, it would mean the world to me." she said in a very sweet tone. Rude twitched. He was cornered.

"Alright…"

Elena burst into a smile and quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing lightly before she pulled back and looked to her nephew. "Okay, Reno and Rude are going to watch you for a couple hours. You be good, okay?"

He boy nodded and grinned. "Okay, Auntie 'Lena." Elena smiled again and ruffled Josh's hair before running out of the office. Reno and Rude watched her leave silently before Reno chuckled lightly.

"Man, you are so whipped."

Rude growled and pushed the boy into Reno's arms. "I would make a real response, but this kid looks impressionable."

They brought the boy back to their office and tried to keep him quiet as they attempted to get paperwork done. Well, Rude attempted to get work done, Reno did his usual crumpling up of important papers and throwing them into the wastebasket. Little Josh noticed the cigarette in Reno's hand and pointed at it. "Wha'sat?" he asked curiously, head tilting a little. "Can I have one?" Reno glanced at his cig and took a drag as he pulled his pack from his blazer pocket.

"'Ere, kid." he lit a cigarette and popped it into the boy's mouth. "Geeze. Aren't you a little young to be bumming smokes?"  
"RENO!" Rude scooped up the child and pulled the cig from his mouth before he could inhale the dangerous chemicals. "You idiot! Don't give Josh those!" he hissed, setting the kid down. "How do you hold within that microscopic amount of brain matter in your head enough knowledge to get into the Turks?"

"Woah, man, what's up with you?" Reno blinked at his friend, completely shocked. Rude usually insulted him, but never so angrily. Well, except for that one incident when Reno tried to sell him on Ebay, that outcome wasn't too pretty.

"I just don't want Elena to sever my limbs with a rusty bread knife because YOU did something stupid like this!"

Reno laughed lightly. "You want to impress her, don't you?" It sounded like more of a statement than a question. Rude twitched again, oblivious to the young boy climbing onto Reno's desk and jumping around.

"No, I want to break every bone in your body." he growled, but suddenly burst into laughter as Josh pulled Reno's goggles out far from his head and let them snap back over his eyes. Reno yelped and fell backwards over his chair.

"Okay, we need to keep his kid amused." Reno groaned, standing up and re-adjusting his goggles. Rubbing his eye, he reached into his desk drawer. He pulled out a little action figure. Don't act surprised. It's Reno.

The toy was a beefed-up man with army pants and a brown vest, with a string of bullets over his chest, and a gun in each hand. Attached to his belt were more removable little plastic guns.

"No way. That toy isn't safe for Josh." Rude said, crossing his arms. Reno looked at the action figure in his hand and blinked.

"What's wrong with Captain Destruction?" he asked. "It's not like he could hurt anyone."

"He could swallow those little pieces." Rude pointed out while taking the kid off the desk he was about to do a triple-back flip dive off of. As Rude set the kid on the ground, Reno snorted and took one of the tiny plastic guns out of the figure's hand.

"Bull. Nobody could swallow this." He put the bit of plastic in his mouth. "See?" he then emitted a strange noise and gave a harsh twitch before going dead silent.

"You swallowed it, didn't you?"

"Shut the hell up."

Rude sighed and shook his head before looking around. "Um… Where'd Josh go?"

Both men looked at each other and paled. He wasn't anywhere to be found in the office. They had lost Josh. They ran out of the office, heading in different directions and calling for the child. Reno skidded around the corner and ran down the hall, looking onto every room and office that he passed. He panicked, knowing that Elena would run him over with her car seven times if she knew that they had lost her nephew. The redhead ran into the elevator and decided to check the floor below. After running around the 59th floor and colliding into many people in his frantic search, he found no trace of the child. Sighing, he got back into the elevator. Trudging through the doors in a defeated manner, he heard Elena's concerned voice.

"Reno, are you alright?"

He looked up to see Elena, and his face lost all colour. Stammering on his words a bit, he shuffled his feet on the carpets floor. "Um… Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just super."

Elena looked at him for a moment before she furrowed her eyebrows. "Reno…"

"Wetotallydidnotlooseyournephew!" Reno said quickly, attempting to back out of the lift. However, the doors shut behind him, trapping him. Elena was stunned for a moment.

"You lost Josh?" She roared. "You MORONS!"

"Clearly we didn't, as I just stated." Reno said, trying a smile as she didn't dare move from his position flattened against the doors.

Elena put a hand to her own forehead, took a deep breath, and counted to ten. It wasn't his fault he was an idiot. However, it was his fault that she was now missing her nephew. "Reno, I'm going to kill you…" she warned acidly.

Reno dared another smile, unfortunately acting on his inability to keep his mouth shut. "That's okay, I hear women can blame that on PMS now." he replied slyly, but yelped as Elena grabbed the front of his white shirt and yanked him upright. Her eyes spelled nothing more than a slow, painful demise for the cocky redhead.

"Any last words?" the blonde woman snarled, ready to sock him in the face. Reno gave a wry smirk as he looked up at her.

"Yeah, your bra is showing."

Rude passed by Tseng's office, halting as he glanced in. Oh, this couldn't be good. Tseng was talking on the phone, what seemed to be a very serious and important call, and little Josh was climbing the large plant that sat in the corner of the office. The plant was massive, but it would not be able to support a five-year old's weight. And if Josh were to fall, he would land directly on the wutaiian man. Tseng was completely oblivious to this, and kept speaking on the phone.

"Josh!" Rude hissed, trying to keep somewhat hidden from Tseng's view. He angled himself so he was not visible in the doorway, but he could see the young boy in the corner of the room. "C'mere…" Josh looked over and grinned at Rude, hanging on to the office plant and swinging lightly. Rude winced, knowing that the child was likely to fall. The bald man looked back as the elevator gave a light 'ding' and Reno fell out as the doors opened. He scrambled back and yelped as Elena stormed out after him.

"I mean, it's not like he's old enough for you to get too attached or anything!" Reno offered before spotting Rude and hurrying over and hiding behind the bigger man. "It was SO his fault!" he said, pointing at Rude.

Elena glared at Rude, who paled. Before she could start screaming, he shushed her and pointed into Tseng's office. The blonde paused and glanced in, and Rude quickly covered her mouth with his hand to keep her from making any noise that would get their boss's attention. She emitted muffled screams and curses, and it took her a minute to calm down. She glared at Reno and the redhead offered a smirk.

"See? He's not lost."

"You can kill us later." Rude said quietly, before Elena could respond. "I have an idea on how to get him out of there unnoticed, but we'll need a distraction." Both Elena and Rude looked to Reno, who grinned.

"I'm on it, yo."

Tseng hung up the phone and rubbed his left temple with two digits. This was becoming a long day. So many calls, and now he was waiting for another one, from Rufus. He wished that he hadn't taken all of his Advil already, because he predicted that he would be needing some for an impending headache. He could tell when one was coming, it happens when you work in such a chaotic office such as this one.

"Yo, Boss!"

Once again, he was correct. Tseng looked at Reno, who walked into the office with a large smile. Oh god, he was smiling. That meant Tseng would need morphine for his headache. The redhead fell back into one of the chairs across the desk from Tseng.

"How's it goin'?" he asked casually, stretching a little.

"Fine, now is there something I can help you wi-" The Turk leader paused as the phone rang, and had felt his blood go cold as Reno smirked. The redhead dove for the phone and picked it up.

"Tseng's Barbeque House! You kill 'em, we grill 'em!" he chirped into the phone happily.

"For fuck's sake, Reno!" Tseng growled as he reached for the phone. He chased Reno around the desk several times before cornering him. As Tseng had his back to the door and the corner in which the child was in, Rude stalked into the room and quickly pulled Josh down from the bookshelf, where he was now perched. Telling the child that he had to be quiet, he tossed the kid to Elena, who caught him, before they both ran out of the room and down the hall. Reno saw the escape being executed as planned, and decided it was time to wrap things up.

"Oh, hey, Rufus!" He said, having to hold the receiver away from his ear since the president was yelling so loudly. "Tseng seems a bit anxious to use the phone, so you're gonna have to call back!" he said before hanging up and tossing the phone back to Tseng. "You might wanna screen your calls a bit more often, sir." He saluted and ran out as fast as he could. Tseng was left completely stunned, and as the phone rang again, he simply unplugged it.

"Fuck it, I'm going home."

"Josh, I was so worried!" Elena said as she knelt down and pulled her nephew into a tight hug. "Don't go wandering off like that again!"

The little boy gave her an innocent look and smiled. "Okay, Auntie." he replied in a sickeningly sweet manner. Elena squealed a "Awww, you're so cute!" and hugged him again.

Rude sighed and sat down in his chair, running a hand over his face. "God, I'm never having kids." he mumbled.

"Why is that?" Reno asked, sitting on his own desk. Rude looked at him and raised his sunglasses to the top of his head.

"If they're half as bad as you, I want nothing to do with them." he retorted with pure honesty.

"Hey, I resent tha-" Reno stopped mid-sentence, blinked a couple times, winced, then exploded into fits of coughing. Elena and Rude both rushed to his side and told him to breathe, and hit him on the back several times. Eventually, Reno let out on final cough, and something small and plastic hit the floor. His fellow Turks looked at it until Rude groaned and shook his head. Reno picked it up and examined the tiny plastic gun.

"Sweet!" he brandished the now-slimy toy piece in front of Rude. "I didn't swallow it!"


	25. Tseng's Drama! Part 1

I'm SORRY! -grovel- Ugh, the past few weeks have been hell! We had another death in the family (two in a row now, if you're keeping score), soI fell behind in school. Therefore I was juggling my time between funerals and schoolwork (with a bit of RPing on the side... but that's just between us -sweatdrop-) Anyways, since I've been in dire need of some humour in y life, and I have been neglecting this for a while, I decided to update Rainy Day!

**Note:** This is to be part ONE of a multi-part series, most likely only two or so. This chapter is not_too_ funny, I just needed to get the whole thing going. You're either gonna love me or hate me for this. Most likely the latter. but PLEASE review! I still appeciated them to no end and try to reply to every one of them!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Square.

* * *

As Reno vaulted his desk and all but cowered behind it, he did everything in hid power to keep the furniture between him and Reeve. The man in charge of Urban Development was glaring at him fiercely, spouting angry threats towards Reno with quite a colourful range of words. It was quite impressive, actually. However, Reno was anything but intimidated, he had tears streaming down his face from laughter.

Reeve was sprinkled, from head to toe, in glitter. In his black hair and on his dark suit, the sparkles shimmered immensely, like some well thought out art project one could recollect from preschool.

Reno could not hold back a light smirk as Rude walked into the office. The bald man stopped a couple steps in, and immediately realised both that Reno was cornered and Reeve looked like he got in a fight with Tinkerbell and lost. He raised an eyebrow slowly.

"I hate to ruin this… moment…" he said slowly, ignoring death glares from both of the other men. "But could you guys take whatever the hell it is you're doing outside? I'd rather my files not be covered in sparkles or catch fire."

"He started it!" bother Reeve and Reno shouted in unison, pointing at each other with almost innocent looks. Almost. Rude sat down and ran a hand over his bald head, sighing.

"For the love of the Planet…" he groaned, wishing he could hit his head off the desk until he was unconscious. "Reeve, I thought you were somewhat sane."

"This idiot ran into my office and threw a handful of glitter at me!" Reeve growled, waving his hand aggressively at Reno, who flinched a little. Rude simply lowered his sunglasses and looked at Reeve from over them.

"And are you honestly surprised? Are you not grateful that walking around looking like you got beaten with a bag of pixies is the furthest extent of the casualties?"

Reeve fumed at this. "I do not look like-"

"RENO!" Elena's infuriated voice cut through the halls like a bullet. The redhead's face lost all colour in a matter of 0.00573 seconds.

"Aw… shit."

* * *

Tseng slowly hung up the phone before heaving a sigh. How would he get himself out of this one? The Turk leader folded his arms on his desk and lay his head in them. Great, it was 9:30, and he was already wishing he had called in sick. However, it was not because of the idiocy of a co-worker… for once.

After a long moment, the wutaiian man then leaned back in his chair a little. Did it really have to come to this? Could he not do something else instead, perhaps like, drink a gallon of Mako? It took every bit of his willpower to restrain himself from jumping out the window behind him. He turned his chair around to look at the said window, and stood up slowly. The warm sun shone on his face through the blinds, giving him a temporary sense of calm and peace. Perhaps one of the biggest perks of living on the Upper Plate was the sunlight. Of course he would not jump from his office window, Tseng knew better than that. However, right now, it was tempting.

As the sound of his Turks in another heated battle down the hall reached his ears, the thought was _much _more tempting. He stood there for a moment, watching the polluted and contaminated world outside his office for a moment before deciding he had better go stop whatever was happening. He had to tell them the news, anyway. How would they react? Reno might make some smart-ass comment, Rude, of course would be silent as a stone.

Elena, how would she react?

* * *

The group of four in the office all froze as they heard footsteps approaching. Reeve and Rude, who were holding Elena back from ultimately destroying Reno, looked out the doorway. Elena, who was covered from head to toe in glitter, ceased her fuming and stood stock still. Well, perhaps not stood, more like frozen in a state of being tangled up in arms holding her back from destroying Reno. One of her hands was tugging on Reeve's hair, much to the man's dismay.

Reno, who was closest to the door in his attempts to escape, was the first one Tseng saw. The redhead was looking rather amused, although he was also covered in glitter. The Turk leader stopped in the doorway, not seeming surprised in the least bit, except maybe for a bit of shock at seeing Reeve in the mix.

"Is this a bad time?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Elena struggled out of Rude and Reeve's grasps and took the opportunity to throw Reno's shoe, which she somehow wrestled off his foot earlier, at the offending Turk. The footwear bounced off the side of Reno's head, causing him to curse loudly.

"Sorry, sir." The blonde then head with a bow of her head. She did not catch the look of amusement in the boss' eyes.

"It seems like he had that coming." Tseng replied deciding he should step out a bit to avoid getting glitter or projectile shoes in the face. Could they not have one day of just peace? The wutaiian man sighed and shook his head. "Listen you three, I'm going to be leaving for a few weeks, so I hope I can trust you not to kill each other or burn the office down while I'm gone."

The three Turks and Reeve looked at each other for a moment before glancing at Tseng. "Where ya headed, boss?" Reno asked while ruffling his hair in attempts to get the glitter out of it.

Tseng hesitated for a moment before replying. "I'm going home to Wutai for a while to sort out some… family issues." he said rather blandly. It was obvious he wasn't telling everything he should, since he looked rather uncomfortable when answering. Elena was immediately concerned.

"Is something wrong at home?"

"No, no." Tseng replied, shaking his head again. "Just some things we have to work out. You know, family things." Of course there was something wrong, but he did not have the heart to tell them what it was. Especially Elena. The Turk leader just gave a small, forged smile. "I'm off to talk to Rufus, get yourselves cleaned up. It looks like a clown exploded in here." he said before walking off down the hall. The four were silent for a moment, and looked at each other again. Reno, Rude and Elena knew Tseng too well to fall for that lie. Something was bothering him. They exchanged glances and nodded. They all knew each other so well that they could have small conversations without even speaking, which was handful, since it usually took a lot to get Rude to speak. Well, except when he was yelling at Reno, but everyone did that. They quickly walked to the doorway and peered out, watching Tseng turn the corner and disappear from view.

"Um… guys?" Reeve looked utterly confused by the lack of speech and seemingly mutual understanding. Besides, weren't they trying to murder each other a second ago?

Reno looked back at Reeve. "Somethin's up with Tseng." he explained quickly as the three Turks looked at each other again before glancing at Reeve. "Wanna come with us and check it out?"

Reeve shook his head. "You guys will get caught."

"Not if we use my foolproof infiltration and spy technique!"

Rude scowled at Reno, crossing his glitter-covered arms. "Reno, we're not crawling through the vents."

* * *

As he squeezed through the air ducts, and dragged himself along behind Reno, Rude cursed the redhead and his idiocy. Why did they decide to change into spare suits and clean up before getting into the dusty ventilation system? They were bound to get stuck in these vents, especially with Rude's rather large size. He had narrowly escaped getting trapped in the vents several times when chasing after Reno, and knew that one day it was bound to happen for real.

In the semi-darkness, he heard a clang as Reno found and unexpected drop in the air duct, and fell about a foot onto his face. Both Rude and Elena laughed lightly while Reno nursed his throbbing nose.

"You guys suck."

"In your wet dreams." Rude retorted as he carefully climbed down the drop and helped Elena down as well. Now the was a little more space, and they could move around a bit easier. Reno simply growled and made a mental note to seal the vent cover before Rude could get out after him. The eventually found the small slotted vent cover in Rufus' office, and gathered around it silently. They strained to hear the voices.

"I can't hear a thing." Elena whispered. Reno pressed his ear against the small openings, where he could hear better. He would relay the information to the other Turks.

"Asking for three weeks off work is a pretty long vacation, Tseng." he heard Rufus say, sounding rather unimpressed.

"Sir, it's a family issue." Tseng replied, sounding a little quiet, maybe even a but nervous. Tseng? Nervous? Since when did that happen?  
"Reno, what're they saying?" Rude asked quietly, but Reno silence him with a raised hand. He was having a hard time hearing what was happening as is was.

"It only takes a couple days to have a funeral or a wedding." Rufus growled. "I really need you here, Tseng."

Reno blinked several times with wide eyes. "Rufus just said that he _needs _Tseng." he said, rather horrified with his interpretation. Elena and Rude exchanged looks.

"Yes, I know." he heard Tseng reply. "I know the nights can get pretty rough, but I just need a bit of time off." He said, referring to the bodyguard shifts he had been taking ever since the repeated assassin attempts.

Reno looked like he could be sick any moment, as he quietly relayed what he head to the others. They then gained similar expressions.

Reno faintly heard Rufus heave and exasperated sigh. "Very well, perhaps you deserve a break. I sometimes work you a bit too hard, I can admit that."

"If you still feel like you need it, I can assign it to one of the others while I'm gone." Tseng's offer made Reno's face pale completely, and it took a lot of interrogation for him to tell the other Turks what he had just heard.

"Can it get any more wrong than this?" Elena said shakily. Rude shushed her quietly and they both then moved to press their ears against the slits as well. They just had to hear it for themselves. However, the vent cover was small, so they were pretty much piled up and crawling over each other.

"Reno!" Rude hissed quietly. "Get your hand off my ass."

"Sorry." Reno squeaked as he did so. "thought you were Elena." The redhead then earned himself a fist across the face from the female Turk. The three managed to compose themselves and listen intently with their ears against the vent cover.

"So, then tell me, Tseng…" they head Rufus say, still sounding a little annoyed by this new complication. "What family affair is so important than you have to take such a long time off work?"

The response left everyone, Reno, Rude, Elena, the president himself, and even the caged bird in the corner of the office dead silent for a long time.

"It's an arranged marital ceremony. I'm getting married, sir."


	26. Tseng's Drama! Part 2

'Nother chapter! Second part of Tseng Drama! I gotta make this quick:

Please review, hope you enjoy, and all that merry stuff!  
Disclaimer: Don't own (Cept for Yola, I jsut kinda made her up on the fly)

* * *

As he stumbled off the boat, Reno immediately made his way towards the nearest support, the railing on the dock. He leaned over it and gagged a few times before letting out a whine.

"That was the worst boat ride ever!" he whimpered, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair. Rude and Elena stepped off the boat after Reno, both looking much more composed and calm than their friend. However, they both looked quite tired

"God, you're telling me." Rude groaned, putting his sunglasses over his eyes. The Wutai sun was extremely bright, and having been inside a ferry boat for a few hours had left their eyes sensitive to light. The whole trip was spent trying to keep Reno, who had found that he had a chronic problem with seasickness, from hurling all over the floor, or them.

"Are you sure coming all the way over here was a good idea?" Reno asked, finally composing himself and straightening up. Elena looked at him with a small glare, but said nothing. It was clear that this whole ordeal with Tseng leaving to randomly get married was taking a toll on Elena. She had not spoken since they had heard those shocking words while hiding in the vent. The only way that she communicated with the others was glaring or giving either of them a smack upside the head when they said or did something stupid. Her temper must have been flaring, because it seemed to occur often.

"C'mon, let's just go find Tseng and try to talk to him." Rude said in a rather tired manner, feeling completely exhausted from the long trip. The others looked at him and nodded, and they walked out from the port.

Tseng looked over the garden, brightly decorated with soft pink blossoms, a rainbow of lotuses, orchids, and other exotic flowers. He leaned lightly on the low wooden railing of the small bridge that went over a stream that ran through the middle of the beautiful garden, sighing lightly. Dressed in a deep blue men's Yukata, Tseng noticed how different he looked in such traditional wear, compared to his usual Turk suit, despite them being such a similar colour. His long hair was tight back in a tight ponytail, which saved it from getting over his eyes as her looked down at his reflection in the stream. Could he drown himself in water that shallow? His bare feet stood on the very edge of the bridge, hesitantly moving him off of it after a moment. That was no way to think. He had to face this like the man he was. He could kill a man with any given object, he could build and disarm bombs with ease, and hell, he could deal with Reno every day. How could he not have the courage to face this?

"Tseng-san!" a light-hearted voice snapped him from his deep thought. A smaller man, clad in a similar garment except with a bright red colour, all but bounded up to the Turk leader, who merely sighed again.

"Kenji, can I not have a moment of peace?" Tseng asked his younger brother, who seemed to not take the comment seriously. The young man directly reminded him of Reno, except possibly just a bit more sane than the redhead. Kenji was shorter than Tseng, and about four years younger than him. His hair was long, like most Wutaiian males, but was only reached down to his chin. He had brilliant light brown eyes, which seemed to be filled with a frighteningly familiar shine of mischief.

"You old killjoy." The younger man said, giving Tseng a light punch on the shoulder. "How can I not be excited when my bro's getting married?"

"Must you remind me?" Tseng replied quietly, turning away and looking out over the garden again.

"Aw, c'mon, Tseng! It's not like it's Mom's funeral or something."

_I'm not that lucky. _Tseng's mind growled acidly. The soon-to-be groom simply looked at his brother. "Perhaps you're right." he said half-heartedly. "Where is Mother, anyway?"

"Inside." Kenji replied, jerking a thumb towards the door. "Getting your Fiancé ready."

Was drowning in the stream really so bad? It didn't seem like it at this point. Strange how Tseng only met his future bride only once, when he was a child, just before he moved to Midgar. How was he supposed to suddenly marry this girl? Hey, he was a Turk, he could fake his death or something. Reno was good at things like that, he had faked his own demise several times to get out of work. However, he always made the mistake of being seen in some bar getting annihilated the next day.

"Oh, and pops wants to talk to ya." Kenji added. "He's in our temple. Might wanna hurry, he asked me to tell you like twenty minutes ago." The younger man laughed lightly before running off, before Tseng could kill him. The Turk leader growled under his breath and headed out of the garden as well. _For the love of the Planet and all things Holy, let something horrible happen to me before I get there. _Tseng prayed in his mind as he walked.

"I didn't mean it!" Reno yelped as he dove behind Rude, who had apparently walked in the room at the wrong time. Several strangers, all Wutaiian men, circled themselves around the two Turks, all looking very angry. Rude blinked and looked around before glancing back at he cowering redhead.

"Reno, did you ask someone if they would break a board with their head?"

"I saw a Wutai chick do it on TV! I thought anyone here could do it!" Reno whimpered, flattening his back against Rude's. All the men glared even more harshly, which made both men pale.

"We just had to wander into a training school, didn't we?" Rude mumbled, shaking his head. They heard the men exchange words in the Wutaiian native tongue. The only word they caught was 'Turks', which was spoken in English. Reno and Rude then lost what little colour was left on their faces. They really should not have walked through Wutai with their Turk suits on. ShinRa and Wutai had signed a treaty to stop the great War, but their relations were still a bit rocky, to say the least. The four men looked like they were about to attack, as they readied themselves. It was either Reno's courage or stupidity that had increased, Rude figured it was the latter. Because while Rude was trying to tell them that they meant no harm, Reno decided to speak up.

"Alright," the redhead huffed, pulling out his EMR and smirking. "Who wants a piece of this? C'mon, gimme your best-" he was cut off as an anonymous foot came up and cracked across his face. He stumbled back, and leaned against Rude's holding his nose.

"You're a dumbass." Rude sighed.

"Okay…" Reno growled, his voice a little off because his hand was over his bleeding nose. He looked around, glaring at the surrounding men. "Which one of you just broke my nose?"

"RENO! RUDE!" A voice that made both men cringe, but possibly saved their lives, rang out as Elena burst through the doors. She was smart enough to not wear her uniform, and was clad in regular clothes. She stormed in and shoved through the crown of men, and glared up at her fellow Turks. "I should let them just kill you!" she snarled. Now they were afraid.

"Y'know, that might be more merciful-ACK!" Reno finished his sentence with a yelp as Elena grabbed him by his ponytail, and Rude by the heavily pierced ear, and dragged them both out of the building.

"You're both idiots!" she snapped, making both men flinch as she finally released them.

"Elena, I think you're getting a bit worked up…" Rude said, rubbing his throbbing ear while trying to calm the female Turk down. "Please calm down, we hate to see you so stressed out." After a pause, he elbowed Reno in the ribs, who coughed and agreed.

Elena sighed, and much to their surprise, her face softened a little. "Let's just go find Tseng." she mumbled, starting to walk again. Reno and Rude exchanged glanced before following her, They both decided not to cause much more trouble, since it was probably not helping Elena out too much.

After what felt like an hour of searching, including lots of frustration, getting lost, and Reno trying to run into the bar he found, and Rude having to carry the redhead out slung over his shoulder, the three Turks finally stumbled upon Tseng's home. After a bit of subtle searching and sneaking around, they heard voices in the family Temple, one of them that the recognised as their leader's. They all found one of the thin screen doors cracked open a bit, and huddled around near it to look inside. Sure enough, Tseng was there, kneeling on one of the mats, facing an elderly man sitting in a similar manner. Elena swooned and almost fell over at the sight of Tseng in the Yukata and his hair tied back. Anyone had to admit, he looked pretty damn good in that. Luckily, Rude was there to steady her before she did a face-plant.

"I don't know if I am ready for this." they heard Tseng admit, voice quiet, once again with that slightly nervous tone.

"Nonsense." the other man sounded stern, and very proper, to the point where it exceeded Tseng's own mannerisms. "You have delayed this wedding several times already. It is time to settle down and have a family.

"Father, there is someone else…"

"Forget about her!" the man snapped. The other thee Turks looked at each other silently, and Elena looked even more heartbroken. Tseng liked someone else? She didn't stand a chance, did she? Rude couldn't stand to see that look on Elena's face, since it seemed to crush both him and Reno, too. He decided that if they were going to help Tseng out, they had to do it now.

"We need to delay this wedding… someone to run in there and claim Tseng as their own, or something." At that, both Reno and Rude looked to Elena, who shook her head quickly.  
"No, I can't do it." she whispered, trying to subtly wipe a couple tears away. Seeing that made the others a bit more determined.

"We'll figure it out, Elena. I promise."

Tseng sighed as he looked down at the pale mat before him, feeling more defeated then he ever had in his life. "I barely know her." he said in a dull manner. "How can I get along with her?"

Tseng's father simply snorted. "I barely knew your mother, and look at us now!"

The groom-to-be looked up again, arching an eyebrow at his father. "I've been here two days, and already mom had thrown several breakable things at you and tried to stab you with a chopstick."

"It's all part of romance, son." the father replied, hardly phased by the statement. "You will understand soon enough."

"What's this I'm hearing about me?" A harsh, but feminine voice barked as a tall, skinny and elderly woman slid the screen door across and walked through before slamming it shut. Both tseng and his father flinched.

"Just about the unfathomable bliss of matrimony." Tseng's father replied with a bitter tone. "Wonder what that's like?"

"Hell if I know. But whether you like it or not, marriage is permanent, 'till death due us part." The wife replied, walking over and kneeling down beside her 'dear' husband, making sure to give him a light smack on the back of his balding head.

"When can I look forward to that?"

Hearing the bickering only renewed childhood memories and offered horrifying visions of the future for Tseng, and he suppressed a shudder. He was dead. _Please _he silently prayed again. _Let something happen to make this stop._

"Well, perhaps it's time to meet Yola." his father said before standing up slowly. I will bring her in." he started walking for the door, but just as he opened it, a horribly light and familiar voice rang out.

"Tseng-san!" was all the Turk leader heard before he was all but tackled down. He winced and sat up, looking down at his affectionate tackler.

_Whoever answer prayers had a cruel sense of humour._

"Oh, my Tseng!" Reno cried out, clinging around his boss' middle and hugging so tight that Tseng coughed. "I thought you had abandoned me forever!"

Tseng paled and tried to scrambled away in a less-than composed manner. "Reno?"

"What is the meaning of this?" Tseng's father demanded, walking over. Tseng looked rather helpless and Reno nuzzled him just under the chin.

"How could you try and make my lover marry someone else?" Reno asked sweetly, opening one eye and looking at the elderly man, arms still wrapped tightly around Tseng. Now the Turk leader was going to throw up, he just knew it.

"Father, it's not what you th-"

"What did you just say?"

Tseng's mother fainted. His father fumed. Tseng himself paled even further.

"You heard me!" Reno said sweetly, still clinging to Tseng and nuzzling gently. "We've been together for a year! No woman can come between us!"

"Reno, I swear, I could kill you…" Tseng said quietly, sighing very lightly. Reno only looked up at him and flashed a quick grin. Usually that meant hell for Tseng. This time, however, he knew that it meant both hell, and that help had come.

"So THIS is the someone else that you've been going on about?" Tseng's father snarled, glaring at his son. Tseng gave a weak smile, as if attempting to save his own life. However, Reno was the first to respond.

"I knew you would be loyal to me, Tseng-san!" he sobbed dramatically, hugging Tseng tighter.

"I should have guessed. He looked like a flamer the day I met him."

All the conscious occupants of the room looked over to see a beautiful Wutaiian lady, clad in a formal light blue Kimono, standing in the doorway. Her long black hair was done up in a complicated style, and her stunning blue eyes were intensified with pale foundation, and beautifully done eye makeup. She looked like a model, well, at least she would have, if her face did not carry such a bitter expression.

"Yola!" Tseng's father exclaimed, looking at the young woman. "This is a joke, a misunderstanding, a prank!"

"No prank, old man." Reno said smugly, sliding himself into a very dismayed Tseng's lap. The father twitched. "Tseng is mine."

The bride scowled at Reno. "Whether you two are together or not, Tseng and I are getting married!" Despite the harsh voice that made Tseng feel a little fearful, Reno smirked. He simply planted a quick kiss on Tseng's neck, which almost made the Turk leader faint as well. The girl laughed bitterly.

"I guess it's better to compete against you than that blonde bitch I've been hearing about."

This time, even Reno paled, too. "Uh, I'd take that back if I were you."

Too late. Elena had burst in, ripping through the paper screen door. "Oh no you _didn't!_" the female Turk fumed, glaring at Tseng's bride. Well, now shit had officially hit the fan. There was dead silence for a moment, before Tseng managed to find with words first.

"Oh, shit."

However, Yola didn't look upset in the least. She merely sneered lightly. "You ShinRa people don't know when to give up." she hissed. "Tseng is mine."

Elena scoffed lightly. "Bitch, please. He'd rather gouge his eyes out with a pen than marry you."

It only took several seconds before an all-out catfight started, both women beginning to scratch and pull at each other's hair viciously. All three men watched in a mix of horror and amusement as the two girls fought over Tseng with equal anger and violence. Amongst the chaos, Tseng took the opportunity to try and edge out the door. He was almost home free, Rude in his sights and ready to help him escape, but his father's voice shattered all dreams of escape from this soon-to-be death.

"**_TSENG_**!"

"I thought we raised him right!" Tseng's mother sobbed into a handkerchief that her husband had brought her. Tseng's father glared at Rude, who sat silently, at Reno, who was currently trying to keep a straight face, to both Yola and Elena, who were scratched up and glaring at each other form opposite ends of the kitchen, then finally, at his son.

"I hope you're all happy. What kind of wedding is this going to be?" he growled, still glaring at his son. Tseng was dead silent, looking almost as ashamed as he felt. This was the worst day of his life. He thought prayers were answered to help people, not make everything worse. "Although I respect your friend's loyalty and attempt to help you, I know you're straight. The wedding goes as planned."

Tseng gave Reno a glance, and the redhead caught the desperation. Reno had no shame, and always took things too far. For once, it was about to come in handy. He slinked over to his 'lover', and draped over him from behind. Tseng did his best to keep his expression from giving the truth away. Reno smirked.

"C'mon, sir, Tseng's a good man. He has nothing but the best intentions. He came all the way over here to tell you the truth, but you never gave him the chance." Reno said, chin resting on Tseng's shoulder as he looked at the elderly man. "Don't you want your son to be happy?"

"There is no honour in breaking tradition. Or homosexuality, in my opinion." Tseng's father snapped. Reno's smirk only grew more devious, and Tseng, Elena, and Rude all looked afraid. Especially Tseng. Reno just kissed just below Tseng's jaw again before running his tongue over the skin of his boss' neck. Suddenly, Rude did a spit-take with his tea, and Elena suffered from a rather explosive nosebleed. Reno chuckled lightly at this.

"They just got the news, too. I dunno how we kept it a secret for so long."

The look on Tseng's father's face was pure horror, his mother fainted again, and Yola also suffered from a nosebleed, except much smaller and calmer than Elena's.

"Now, you can try and marry him off to some broad." Reno went on, jerking a thumb at Yola. "Or you can let Tseng live his life, and have him put you into a merciful nursing home in a few years."

Tseng's father scowled, and Tseng have another rather sheepish smile.

"I'm out of the will, aren't I?"

"No. But you're sure as hell not getting the fortune that you would receive upon marrying Yola." his father said, crossing his large arms. Tseng Didn't look phased as he stood up. He had to shake Reno off his back since he would otherwise be giving the redhead a piggyback ride.

"Fair enough. I'm a Turk, and I'm happy living the way I am."

"Tseng…" his father's face lightened a bit, looking a little soft for once. Tseng just smirked.

"Turks! File out!"

"Yes sir!" all three responded enthusiastically, including Rude, as they walked out of the house, Tseng left last, stopping in the doorway and bowing lightly at his family.

"See you next Christmas." he said. "I would offer apologies, but I can't be sorry for how I feel." he added before walking out, leaving the rest of the people dumbfounded.

As the three Turks walked down the street, they all looked at each other with a sigh of relief.

"God, and I glad that's over." Reno said before suddenly being tackled from behind. Tseng pinned him down and got ready to punch him. Rude and Elena had to pull their leader off of him.

"Aw, Boss, I love you, too."


	27. Camping!

I LIVE! -collapses- I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated my beloved fic. This chapter may be a bit less humurous than the others, but that is only because I am slightly rusty on my humour after such a long time of dealing with some issues going on. WCDYB shall be updated soon, I hope, and a few more one-shots will be posted, now that I have much more time on my hands.

I have remembered that it's been almost a year since I joined I remember joining while on my summer vacation, and I just want to thank everyone for a great year! You've treated me well, hopefully I'll be here for another yearm and many more to come! Much love for you all!  
Oh, and thank you all for the reviews! I've been trying to keep up with them, but please know that if I didn't reply, that I truely appreciate it!

Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of these characters... yet X3

* * *

Torture. It was nothing but torture. As Reno trudged his way along, he felt his energy drain with each dramatic step. How long had they been walking? It felt like _hours_. Stupid helicopter and breaking down again. Stupid Rude and having a car that doesn't work half the time. Stupid DMV taking his licence away for driving through that fruit stand. It shouldn't have been there, anyway.

Stupid everything.

"Ruuuuude…" Reno dragged out his friends name, voice rising in a childish whine. The bald man heaved a sigh and ran a hand over his face. It was like he was on the receiving end of revenge from Tseng. What could they have possibly done to make him this mad?

Oh yeah. When they nearly got him disowned by his family.

"What do you want, Reno?" Rude asked in a bland tone, which subtly threatened Reno's life if he dared make him feel the slightest bit more miserable.

"I'm tired, can we stop for a rest?" Reno replied, voice still rather childish-sounding. The sun was setting, and they were lost in the middle of the jungle surrounding Gongaga. It was true, they had been walking for a long time, and the sun had been beating down on the two Turks all day, but Reno just made it worse. It was like taking a four year old through a supermarket. He complained the entire way, and even had a full-fledged hissyfit at one point. However, simply walking away wasn't as effective, because Tseng would only get angrier at Rude if he left one of his Turks in the wilderness. Not that he gave a damn about Reno, it was just the fact that there would be a hell of a lot of paperwork to fill out.

"No, we can't stop. We have to get to Gongaga." Rude hissed, looking back at Reno. The redhead narrowed his eyes at him.

"But I'm tired, Rude." Reno heaved a dramatic sigh, as if was to be his very last breath.

"And I'm having homicidal thoughts." Rude growled. He walked a few more steps before something hit him on the back with great force, knocking the large man forward. He fell on his front with a grunt, almost breaking his nose and his glasses. Thankfully, there was no such casualties. Rude snarled and tried to get up, but Reno sat on his back.

"We're setting up camp here." Reno stated very matter-of-factly while he sat cross-legged on Rude's back. The bald Turk pushed himself up easily, but Reno scrambled and latched around his shoulders, and grabbed the sunglasses from over his eyes.

"Reno, get the hell off'a me!" Rude snapped. "And give me my damn sunglasses." He got to his feet and reached back to snatch his shades back, with Reno set like he was getting a piggy-back ride.  
"Actually." Reno smirked. "We can keep travelling like this." He yelped as Rude bucked like an angry bull and threw him off his back. He turned to Reno and gained a look of pure rage. Reno, who was sitting in the dirt, only smirked.

"We're setting up camp here." the redhead repeated in a sly tone, holding the sunglasses in both hands, ready to snap them in half.

"You _wouldn't_!" Rude snarled angrily. Reno chuckled lightly, giving a Cheshire Cat grin.

"I did with your last seven pairs, what makes you think I wont this time?" Reno challenged in a sweet voice.

---

Rude grunted as he haled several tree branches into the small clearing and dropped then in a pile. "Okay…" he breathed, wiping sweat from his forehead. He adjusted his sunglasses over his eyes, which were, other than some fingerprints on the lenses, perfectly intact and fine. "I think we can make a shelter out of these for tonight." He looked at Reno, who was digging out a small hole in the ground with his hands, looking much like a dog about to bury a bone. He had a look of sheer concentration on his face.

"Reno, what the hell are you doing?" Rude asked, feeling immediate regret for doing so. Reno straightened up and gave Rude a look that simply spelled that he was an idiot for not knowing.

"Making a fire pit, genius." he replied with a huff before getting to his feet. Rude gained a bit of a nervous look.

"Maybe I should make the fire…"

"Nope, I got it!" Reno chirped before heading off into the woods. Rude sighed and mumbled a prayer, hoping that he would live through the night, and not be forced to murder Reno.

After several slivers, a lot of cursing, and a violent stand-off with a tree branch, Reno finally dragged a massive pile of firewood back to the camp. He heaved it all into the pit, and it seemed to overflow, but the redhead did not seem to notice. It looked like he had somehow cleared a square mile of jungle for the amount of firewood he had. Rude went to ask how the hell he had gotten all of it, but decided it would be safer for his sanity if he didn't ask. Reno seemed to pause and think, looking over the fire pit as if looking for a strategic way to work with it. He seemed deep in thought as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and took one out. He place the end in his mouth before he patted his pockets, looking for a lighter. He may as well light the cig while lighting the fire. Finally, he found his lighter and pulled it out. He flipped it open and flicked it a few times, growling a curse as the spark refused to turn into flame. Letting the lighter close with a loud 'tink' before pocketing it, Reno then pulled out his match book. He opened it.

"Goddamn it…" It was empty.

Reno looked around, letting the unlit cancer stick dangle from his lips. He looked increasingly frustrated, his lack of patience causing him to get pretty angry at this damn lack of fire. He spotted Rude's materia pouch laying off to the side as the other man worked on the shelter. A small smile, one that would scare anyone who would happen to be looking, pulled at his lips. He rummaged through it until finding what he was searching for. Rude's Fire materia. Reno examined it for a moment before shrugging. Fire3 may be overdoing it a little… but at least the fire would be started! The Turk took a couple steps back from the fire pit and cast the Fire3 spell on the massive pile of wood.

_BOOM!_

A fireball sped about thirty feet high into the air before burning out. The sounds of the jungle disappeared, leaving the place in dead silence, possibly because anything living was either speechless, or incinerated. Reno groaned a curse and sat up from laying on his back on the ground - now a full _ten_ feet away from the fire pit. He blinked at the bonfire, which was, although a little large, a warm and comfy looking flame. Reno pulled the cigarette from his mouth, which was now lit, and looked at for a moment before going back to staring at the fire. His blazer and pants were slightly singed, and his eyebrows were pretty much gone. Once again, he blinked, eyes staring in a blank manner.

"Well… shit! That was pretty cool."

Reno was then hauled to his feet by the front of his blazer, and found himself looking at Rude's angry face.  
"Say it with me, Reno… Moderation." Rude growled the word slowly and emphasized it greatly before shaking him lightly. The side of the bald Turks suit was singed like Reno's, but not half as badly because he was further away from the small explosion. Reno gave him an odd look.

"Moderation? Isn't that like… Spanish or something?"

Rude gritted his teeth and honestly looked like he was going to break Reno's neck in six places, but he set him down and walked away. Reno continued to look at the bald man in a strange manner.

"Geeze, that time of the month again?" Reno yelped and ducked as a rock came flying his way, and it narrowly missed colliding with his head.

"Why do I allow you to breathe?" Rude hissed before patting down a small flame which had caught on the shelter. It went out easily, and he continued working on the makeshift roof.

"Because of my irresistible charm?" Reno offered with a sweet smile and tone. This time the projectile coming towards him was a bigger rock, and it connected with it's target.

"I should have let Tseng kill you."

Reno sat up and rubbed the side of his head. "Which time?" he asked. Rude shot him a glare.

"The first day you came into work." Rude snapped in response.

There was a silence that followed, which actually was quite peaceful. Rude did not look up from working on the shelter, hoping that Reno had just been knocked out by a concussion. However, he was of course not that lucky, and Reno's voice rose again.

"Ruuuuuuuude…" the voice was in another slow whine. Rude twitched and looked at the smaller man, lowering his sunglasses and looking at him in an intense manner that clearly said: _Say something to piss me off again and I'll break every bone in your body._

Reno gave another wide grin. "I'm hungry."


	28. Another Halloween

Wow, I slack so hardcore XD Sorry, guys, I know it's been a while.

I bring you another Rainy Day, my second one with a Halloween theme. Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I started this thing. And i can't believe people are still reading it.

I wanna give a HUGE thank you to someone who sent me a review a little while back. It was the sweetest review I've seen in forever, and it made me feel so utterly awesome. Tamarani, you gave me that extra ounce of inspiration I needed to get back into writing fanfics. It reviews like yours, and everyone else, that keep me going. Also, thanks to everyone else for reviewing. I try to respond to them, but I'm really caught up with stuff right now.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Square.

* * *

As he knocked sharply on the door before him, Rude began shedding his jacket slowly. He looked down the stretch of hallway on either side of him, noting their eerie silence. He could not shake the fact that it was Halloween, and the onslaught of creepy decorations never failed to freak him out every year. It was not so much that the large man was afraid, it was more the fact that there was a continuous threat of something trying to catch him off guard. He would have thought that several years in a job where there was a threat around the corner all year round would desensitize him to the spooks of Halloween. However, as he was invited to Reno's apartment to share a few drinks, the feeling of impending doom seemed to grow more and more.

There was the sound of shuffling feet on the other side of the door, followed by a single click. The next thing Rude saw was a big mess of yellow feathers, and an all-too familiar massive beak and freaky black eyes. The Turk stumbled back, letting out a short scream of fright as he flattened his back against the opposite wall of the hallway. His jacket fell into a heap on the floor, and his sunglasses fell strangely over his face from being moved by his sudden movements. His one uncovered eye showed his fright, widened and looking like he had seen a ghost.

Well, there was the impending doom. In the form of Reno with a chocobo mask.

The redhead dropped the offending mask onto the floor and doubled over with laughter. Rude straightened up from the wall, and let his hands clench into tight fists. The next thing that sounded in the apartment hallway was a short yelp from Reno, and his laughter stopped at the same time.

"Oww…" the smaller man whined as he followed Rude back into the apartment. "What the hell, man?" On his way in, he kicked the chocobo mask in some random direction to get it out of the doorway. He rubbed the back of his neck as it stung from Rude's knuckles being jammed into it. Rude glared back at Reno before adjusting his sunglasses on top of his nose.

"Is that why you called me over? Just to have your death sentence written out?" Rude growled, quite angry about his greatest fear being exploited. Reno looked at his friend with a loose grin that spelt out more horrors than anything related to Halloween could.

"You gonna kill me…?" Reno's voice was in a sweet tone, the grin still showing as he picked up two bottles and held one out to Rude. "Your bestest buddy, who graciously provides alcohol and horror films on this wonderful day of Halloween? Not to mention large abundances of candy later on."

Rude gave his friend a sceptical look as he took the bottle of beer. "Later on?"

The heightened look of a mix of innocence and mischief on Reno's face only gave more reason to be afraid. "I've got a system all worked out."

Before the two men could sit down on the couch to watch one of the many movies Reno had rented to celebrate Halloween, there was a knock on the door. Rude glanced at Reno, raising an eyebrow. "You have kids in your building?"

The smaller man nodded and stood up. "A handful of brats who get mad when I don't give them candy. The staple factor in my plan." he stated. A puzzled look swept across Rude's face.

"That's probably the most intelligent collection of words I've heard you say." he commented in monotone, shaking his head at his best friend. All Reno did was offer him another grin. He moved towards the door, picking up a bag as he passed his kitchen counter. Rude watched, almost too afraid to inquire about what he was doing. As the redhead opened the door, a bunch of kids were crowded in the doorway. They wore costumes, crude ones at that, and held out pillowcases. The ones not wearing masks had mischievous, greedy looks on their faces, which was mirrored on Reno's face. Rude suddenly had an understanding on what was about to happen, and he stood up quickly.

"Trick or Treat!" the kids chimed at the same time, their voices sounding like anything but childish innocence. They held up a carton of eggs in silent threat to give Reno's door a fresh coating if he did not fork over the candy they were looking for. Rude saw Reno smirk widely, and paled.

"TRICK!" Reno shouted at the top of his lungs, pulling a handful of his own eggs out of the bag and pelting the kids with them. The group screamed as eggs cracked on their heads, and fled down the hallway. Reno cackled and picked up the fallen pillowcases full of candy. To say Rude was astonished would be a terrible understatement. His jaw hung low, and his eyes were wide as saucers.

"Reno!" he barked sharply, stepping towards his friend. Reno was unaffected by his friend's shout, as he straightened up and waved his newly acquired loot. He had a victorious smile on his face, and Rude was in complete contrast as he stared in disbelief. "You… are going straight to hell, y'know that?"

"Yup!" Reno chirped as he pushed one pillowcase of candy into Rude's hands. "But so will you. And we'll have candy. Why worry?" The redhead almost skipped back to his seat in a joyful, mobile butchering of the happy dance. Rude watched him for a second before looking down at the candy. Shrugging, the bald man sat back down as well.

Much alcohol and illegally acquired candy was consumed that evening, and there were dire consequences to be suffered the next morning in the form of migraines. Being hit by a train and surviving would have been a less painful experience. Rude cursed himself as he dragged his feet down the office hallway in the morning. What possessed him to allow Reno to consume a combination of thing that gave him further impaired judgement, and the energy to do something stupid? Rude was just glad that he himself had survived the ordeal, and that in his drunken, slightly giddy state, managed to get through the cab drive home. Rude stepped into his office, eyes half closed as he almost fell through the door upon turning the doorknob.

He still gripped it as he partially stumbled is way in, and it saved him from an embarrassing yet humorous face plant. He stared at his partner, looking surprisingly chipper this morning. The fact that he was even there was more of a shock. Reno was sitting at his own desk, the whole thing almost covered with candy as he had dumped out another bag on top of it. The sight of it made Rude feel even more sick, but Reno seemed unaffected by it. He was staring at a container of bubble tape, one of those stupid products of bubblegum that was supposed to be like a roll of tape. Reno was glaring at it, as if trying to figure it out like it was an impossible puzzle.

"…Reno?" Rude said slowly, voice barely above a mumble as talking worsened his headache. His friend glanced at him before gaining an expression that silently demanded assistance with whatever he was doing.

"Help me figure this out!" he whined, waving the bright pink container in a helpless manner. "It's like trying to work out quantum physics!"

Rude blinked, still standing in to doorway. "How did you say that without your head imploding?" he replied in a confused tone. He wondered if Reno even had a clue of what quantum physics was. Reno looked even more distressed as he grabbed the end of the tape and pulled it out as far as his arms could reach. He examined it closely before whimpering out loud.

"I don't get it!" he shouted in great dismay. "Is it tape, or is it gum?"

Rude opened his mouth to make a response, but thought otherwise. He just shook his head and flung his suitcase half-heartedly towards his desk, and turned away before he could see if he was anywhere close or not. He stepped out into the hallway and trudged down to Tseng's office. He knocked once and stepped inside before bothering to wait for permission to enter. The Turk leader was sitting calmly at his desk, and he glanced at Rude with a look of annoyance that quickly faded.

"Are you alright?" Tseng inquired. "You look like hell." he added as he pushed his chair back and stood up slowly.

"And I love you too." Rude replied blandly, running a hand over his face. "I need Advil. Now. I know you have a secret stash somewhere." his voice had a tone of finality, as if there was to be no questioning about the subject. If Rude was suffering any less, he would have thought second about using such a tone with his superior. Tseng, however, looked concerned.

"Reno again?" he asked conversationally while digging through a drawer and pulling out a bottle of the lifesaving painkillers. He handed Rude two pills.

"Yes. That and hung over." Rude mumbled. He might as well be honest, whether Tseng got mad at him or not was not much of a concern to him right now. He turned and half-shuffled towards the door, muttering a word of thanks before leaving. Tseng watched the Turk leave, an odd look on his face as he sat down. Maybe he should send them back to the ShinRa Mansion again next Halloween, just so the two would be too freaked out to get utterly annihilated.

Rude dry swallowed the pills as he made his way back to his office. He stepped back into the room, but only got about halfway to his desk until his groggy mind noticed that Reno was standing on his desk. He only got a second to look at his friend until he noticed that there was a growing shadow around him. The light was being blocked by something above him. Rude looked up and only had a second to leap back to avoid the object… an office chair about to crush him. He landed on his back, and heard a loud _thud_ as the chair hit the floor inches from his feet. The man muttered a curse as his head throbbed with pain, and opened his eyes. On the ceiling was a blob of pink, and Rude sat up with a puzzled look on his face. Reno was still standing there, staring from the chair and the ceiling and seemingly unaware of the near death of his friend. He seemed deeply concentrated, with his hand on hand on his chin. After a long, silent moment, Rneo nodded, as if he had finalized something in his mind.

"Yup… it's definitely gum."


End file.
